Without Instructions
by drugstorecowgirl08
Summary: If this were a real life, we would have received instructions... Continues from the last episode.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Acceptance

_I still can't help but think that if this were a real life, we would have received some kind of instructions on how to act, how to be... And we would have some idea of what things meant, and why we did them, and why we reacted to things a certain way. _

Jordan's hands, roughened by shop, playing the guitar and working at the garage, were surprisingly gentle as he ran his thumb across Angela's cheek and over her lips. She shivered slightly under his touch and closed her eyes.

"So..." his thumb made its way towards her ear.

"So..?" she breathed, opening her eyes briefly to look into his deep blue ones. He smiled, a bit shyly, his hand moving to the nape of her neck. He momentarily broke eye contact, glancing downwards, then back into her eyes. His blue eyes were intense but still held some of the puppy-dog expression that made her melt. They subconsciously moved their faces towards one another, still studying each other. Jordan leaned in first, eyes closed, grazing his lips against hers, taunting her, it seemed. She responded in kind, planting tiny kisses along his bottom lip, watching those lips curve into a lustful smile.

"You trying to drive me crazy or what?" he growled, pulling her towards him again until their lips met. She was aware of her heart beating rapidly in her chest, the heat rising up her neck as he pushed his tongue into her mouth with exactly the right amount of pressure for exactly the right amount of time. It really seemed as if time stood still during those moments, Angela thought, as they separated breathlessly after what could have been minutes or hours. She could feel his heart beating under her fingers. It felt just as fast as her own, and she was glad that she wasn't the only one who was reacting this way.

Jordan planted a kiss on her forehead, then leaned his own forehead against hers. She watched as his eyes closed, which always gave him such a deep, contemplative expression. Her hand wound its way to the soft hair at the back of his neck.

"You surprised me today," she began, as his eyes opened and he looked at her for what seemed to be the first time. "Hanging out with my mom and all."

"Yeah, I do that sometimes," he said offhandedly, pulling away slightly, tracing his fingers over her face again. 'Like an artist or a blind person,' Angela thought happily.

"You do what? Like surprise people, or hang out with their moms?" she asked teasingly.

"So like, you and Brain were like, talking." His index finger was sweeping across her cheek to her lips and across to the other cheek. "When I came out of your place."

"Yeah," she murmured, trying hard to concentrate but finding it impossible with his finger touching her face like that, shooting sparks up and down her spine.

"So what were you talking about?" His hand stopped moving near her face as he tucked her hair behind one ear.

"Why do you want to talk about Brian Krakow right now?" she asked, as her thoughts shifted abruptly back to Brian and his half-confession. 'Oh god...'

Just like that, her mind had now left the car with Jordan and she was back outside, standing with Brian between their houses, unsure of how to react to this new information. Jordan hadn't written the letter. Brian hadn't just been helping Jordan. Brian... wanted her to be happy, but not in a just-friends way. Jordan... had whisked her away with his sexy blue eyes and his red car before she'd had a chance to process anything that had happened. In a flash, she suddenly recalled staring out the rear windshield at Brian, numb with shock, until they turned a corner and she couldn't see him anymore.

"What's wrong, Angela?" Jordan's husky voice broke through her racing thoughts. "You're like totally spacing out."

"I know about the letter," Angela said abruptly. Too abruptly, she would lament later. She could feel herself pulling away.

"What about it?" his voice flat, his expression blank.

"You're not - you didn't - you kinda lied," she fumbled with the words, then groaned inwardly at the words that finally came out. She didn't want to look at him. She held her breath as the silence descended between them, counting to five silently, then finally she turned to look at him. He was staring out the window of the car now, suddenly engrossed in a bush or a tree outside the window.

"I didn't lie," his words were just above a whisper.

"I'm not mad, I just feel kind of stupid now, you know, with Brian involved and everything..." she could feel herself talking more and more quickly to hide her nervousness, "and it's not a big deal, I don't care if you don't want to say that kind of stuff to me. I mean, it would be nice, but if you don't really want to, I'm okay with that, you know?" Really, she wasn't okay with it, but the words had taken on their own momentum. It was just like the time she pretended that she was okay with him hiding him from his friends. She wasn't actually happy about it, but she couldn't see any alternative in that moment. She wanted him to look at her, to reassure her, anything.

"You don't get it, do you." It was a statement, not a question.

"What is there to get? That this was just another stupid game of yours to get me to like you again? You think that you can just call me, like I'm some kind of dog or something, and I'll come running?" her voice broke, and she realized that she was beginning to sound hysterical, but she was starting to feel out of control. Again. He kept making her feel this way, like her blood was boiling one minute and the next, she was in love with him again. "I know you're like, used to getting what you want from girls and stuff, and I know you think I'm a challenge or something -"

"This was a bad idea," Jordan muttered, more to himself than her. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to this. I'm taking you home." He reached down and turned the ignition over. The car roared to life, the headlights illuminating the park before them.

"Jordan..." she could feel a lump starting to form in her throat. 'Shit!' she thought fiercely. 'I've screwed everything up now! Why did I open my big fat mouth?' "Just let me explain."

With a sigh, he put the car back into park and shut off the ignition, rolling down the window. "If you're going to start saying bullshit to me, I don't want to hear it." He turned his eyes back towards her. "I need a smoke," he added almost as an afterthought. She watched as he pulled a pack out of an inner pocket of his jacket and cupped his hand around a cigarette to light it. The flame illuminated his features, which gave little away.

_It's so strange how things can change in the space of a second. One second ago, we were like totally connected and on the same wavelength, or whatever, and now we're practically fighting, except he's become totally distant. This is what he does when he's upset, he shuts down and I have no idea how to deal with it. _

"I don't know why I said that," Angela began, willing her voice not to tremble. "I just... never know what to say to you."

"And you think I do?" he inhaled and blew out a thin stream of smoke.

"I don't know, I guess..." she fidgeted with her hair, looking away. "I really don't know, actually." She looked back at him, and their eyes met. She wished that he would take her hand, or touch her face, anything to let her know that things were alright.

"Wow, ironic," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Well like, you get mad at me cuz I can't write you a letter cuz I never know what to say, and... and..."

"And?" she waited breathlessly for his response.

"And you look at me like you want me to say something important - " he paused and took another drag of his cigarette.

"I don't mean to -" she stopped when he held out his hand, realizing that she was interrupting him.

"And then you're like all disappointed when I don't. I just... don't know how to deal with that." He took another impatient drag of his cigarette and flicked it out the window. He turned back to face her, this time reaching down to take her hand. Angela swore that her heart skipped a beat as his skin touched hers.

"I'm sorry, Jordan... I was just so surprised about all this. Like Brian confronting me and then you showing up, which was obviously the best part..." she smiled shyly and glanced down at his hand as he rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand. "I say stupid stuff when I'm not thinking. And like, Brian totally took me by surprise and I still don't know how to deal with him." She groaned a little, picturing their awkward interaction in the near-future. She looked back at Jordan and found that he was actually smiling a little bit, a cute half-smile.

"I like it when you're happy," he said simply. She found herself smiling back at him, a genuine smile. "Come on, I'll take you home." Once again, he reached for the ignition. This time, though, he took his right hand off the steering wheel and found hers, squeezing it when he found it. Angela continued to smile contentedly as they wound their way through the familiar streets.

_I don't know if we resolved anything, and I still don't know how I'm going to deal with Brian, but it feels like Jordan Catalano and I have reached some kind of understanding. I still don't really know what I want to say but at least I can say something crazy or inappropriate and still be sort of... accepted. And I think Jordan feels a bit safer too... I never thought Jordan would need to feel validated by me, but I'm slowly starting to see that he's a real person too, with feelings and insecurities. It's sort of nice to see him that way. _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Roles

_I have like wanted Jordan Catalano for so long and with so much intensity that it like, physically ached sometimes, but I had never stopped to think about what that all meant. Until now, anyway. I mean, what do people actually want when they say that they "want" someone? What do we want from each other? _

_With Jordan, it's not just about sex, even though it lingers in the air between us like an unspoken thing, but there's got to be more to it than that. I remember how badly I wanted him to just open his eyes and look at me, to acknowledge that I even existed. Now I wonder what he sees when he looks at me – does he know me? _

_I was ecstatic when I thought he wrote the letter. I mean, hours and hours of fantasizing and daydreaming about a person tends to lead to the real thing not measuring up. But when I thought Jordan wrote the letter, it was like all the daydreams couldn't even begin to scrape the surface of how deep and complex he was revealing himself to be. Best of all, it was as if someone finally understood, like, how I wanted and needed to be seen. _

"But Jordan didn't write it," Angela mumbled to herself for what felt like the millionth time. She was sitting on her windowseat later that night, reading the letter in the moonlight for what felt like the millionth time. It just felt too surreal, all of it – Brian basically admitting that he'd written the letter based on his feelings for her, driving away with Jordan in his car, kissing Jordan, the almost-talk they'd had in his car…

With a resigned sigh, she crumpled up the precious letter and tossed it in the direction of the wastepaper basket in the corner. A moment later, with another sigh, this time of defeat, she crossed the room and picked up the crumpled piece of paper from where it lay, smoothing it beside her on the floor. Why should she throw away a beautiful letter just because it wasn't from who she wanted it to be?

_Poor, exasperating Brian. He just has a way about him that manages to annoy everyone around him, except Danielle, it seems. He always means well, I suppose, but things just have a way of exploding in his face. I accused him of seeing the whole letter situation as a "sick joke" – he'd tried to downplay his role in the whole mess. I don't even want to like know how he got involved. It makes me sick to think about how mean I was to him, and how he just like takes it… I guess that's part of how he is, and how I am, and how we are to each other… _

_It's like we all have roles when we interact with other people. And I don't know if we can change them, like ever. I think that I tried, when I dyed my hair and quit yearbook, but people were just shocked and said it was like "out of character" and stuff like that. As if I was going to snap back and pick up where I'd left off._

_Like with Rickie and when Rayanne and I were close, I was the innocent girl that they were always like, corrupting or something. In little ways, they never let me forget it. And with Sharon, we'll probably always see each other as little girls, which is why it's so shocking that she's like had sex with Kyle and everything. And Brian, well, he will probably always be the annoying kid across the street. Maybe it's shallow of me to say it, but I just can't like see past that right now. He definitely surprised me with that letter, but I don't think I can see him as anything more than the kid across the street who rides his bike in circles and is always making up excuses to come over. I wonder if I'll miss that…_

Angela folded up the crumpled letter and threw it into her nightstand drawer. It wasn't as if she didn't have every single word memorized anyway. 'Why am I always thinking so hard?' she wondered.

Climbing into bed, she pulled the covers around herself and stared out at the moonlight shining through the window. She had to deal with Brian, whether she liked it or not. It was the right thing to do.

The lights were on at Jordan's house when he pulled into the curb out front. For a split second, he considered turning the car around, although he didn't really have anywhere else to go. There was always the option of sleeping in Red, but he really didn't feel like it tonight, and the loft was more or less without any heat. He thought briefly of Angela, likely tucked cozily into bed in her flannel nightshirt. He almost wanted to laugh when he thought about their respective situations, but it wasn't a funny laugh, more like a sad one.

He could already hear the music as he cut across the front yard, strains of loud eighties stuff that he hated. _She spins me right round baby right round like a rollercoaster right round right round… _

The front door was unlocked. He slowly eased it open, closing his eyes for a brief moment as if steeling himself against the sight of what might be inside.

"Jordan, baby! You're home!" a husky female voice squealed. "Have a beer with me, sweetie!" A cold one was pressed into his hand before he could say a word. Jordan moved the bottle to his lips and took a long swallow.

"Hey Maxine. How's it going?" he asked as a pair of arms slid around his neck and he smelled her smoky hair against his cheek.

**That's it for now! Hope you're enjoying this continuation! Please read and review. The song above is "You spin me round" by Dead or Alive. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews so far, please keep them coming! I am having a lot of fun with this, and am playing with the idea of roles (from the last chapter) and how hard it is to break free of them in interactions with different people. **

**I should have mentioned this in the last chapter, but once again, I own nothing.**

Chapter 3: Making Sense

"Hey Maxine, how's it going?" Jordan all but wanted to peel her off of him, with her scent of baby-powder perfume, cigarettes and booze. Maxine was his dad's much younger on-again-off-again girlfriend.

"Jordan, your old man is no fun," she pouted. "I got off work early and wanted him to take me out dancing, but he said no. I told him that you'd take me out, right, baby?" She tried to grab both his hands and force him to dance with her, despite the beer in his one hand.

"Uh, I don't dance, Maxine," Jordan sidestepped her, careful not to spill the beer on the floor. "And it's a school night." He looked at her and something like pity struck him then, separate from the usual disgust and annoyance. As usual, she had on too much make-up, like she was trying to hide something, and her hair was dyed way too dark. His friends were always making comments about how hot she was, but he couldn't see it. Maybe if she wasn't so fake-looking and desperate for attention all the time…

"Oh so you're a good boy now?" she taunted him, trying to pinch his cheek but he dodged out of the way. "Since when do you care about school?"

"Don't worry about me, Maxine," he resisted the urge to snicker in her face. He was starting to develop immunity to her usual taunts, another desperate bid for attention.

As Jordan made his way up the stairs, he could hear Maxine wailing behind him, "You Catalano men are no fun! I'm leaving to find someone who appreciates me!"

"Go right ahead! You'll be back!" a gravelly voice shouted from the living room. His old man. Experience had taught Jordan to steer clear when his dad was having "woman troubles".

Jordan ducked into his room and locked the door, in case Maxine tried to barge in like she had a while ago. He tried to block out the sudden flashback of him waking up to her bending over him, stroking his hair. He'd been sleeping with the door locked ever since that night. Leaning against the door, he shut his eyes in frustration. He pressed his fists against his eyelids, but that did nothing to drown out the noise of the music and the screaming woman downstairs. Once again, he had an almost overwhelming urge to laugh and cry at the same time. His life made absolutely no sense.

"So what happened? Did you talk to Brian?" Rickie inspected his eyeliner in the bathroom mirror, glancing backwards at Angela as he did so.

"Brian? Yeah, sort of, I guess. He like tried to deny that he'd written the letter, but then he said this thing, and it was sort of obvious." She started to apply a burgundy lipstick under Rickie's watchful eye.

"What thing? Did he say he had feelings for you?" Rickie turned around to face Angela, his eyebrow raised expectantly.

"Not exactly… He was like, 'I meant every word' but he tried to cover it up afterward. Hold on," she looked at Rickie. "Did Brian say something to you? About me?"

"Angela, come on," Rickie rolled his eyes dramatically. "The poor guy doesn't have to say anything. It's totally obvious he like yearns for you, or whatever." Angela and Rickie giggled as Rickie clasped his hands to his heart in a melodramatic gesture.

"Ugh, Rickie, don't say that! That is like totally gross!" Angela's laughter faded when she caught the suddenly serious look on her friend's face. "What?"

"What's so bad about Brian?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously." Rickie was looking at her now in that almost-stern way that he had, when he knew things that she didn't and was about to share something really insightful or meaningful. 'Rickie is so wise,' she thought suddenly.

"Where do I even start? Like he is the biggest nerd in the world." She was aware of how childish she sounded, but she couldn't stop. "And that hair."

"Nerds get rich and hair can be fixed," Rickie feigned boredom. "Next!"

"He's annoying!" Angela said a bit triumphantly. "That's a better reason, isn't it?"

"We're all annoying, in our own way," Rickie responded, as the first bell rang and Rayanne pushed the bathroom door open.

"What's up? Who's annoying?" she attempted to sound casual, her eyes darting from Rickie to Angela. Her hair was a tangle of curls and tiny braids, and colourful bangles adorned her wrists. The inadvertant expression on her face resembled that of a vulnerable little girl, which she quickly caught, rearranging her features into a mask of nonchalance. As usual, Angela resisted the urge to reach over to simultaneously strangle and hug her. She always felt that way about Rayanne, that she had to protect her and defend her even though she still felt so betrayed by her, at her inability to think of other people or of consequences, ever.

"We're all annoying, aren't we, Angela?" Rickie looked at her meaningfully. Angela shrugged, her throat suddenly tight. Her lighthearted mood visibly darkened as she made her way past the row of bathroom mirrors and towards the door.

"I should get to homeroom," she tossed back over her shoulder, leaving Rickie and Rayanne standing there.

Out in the hall, she almost bumped right into Brian Krakow.

"Hey," she offered tentatively.

"Hey," he said halfheartedly, fixing her with as much of a glare that he could muster.

"What, are you like mad at me now?" she asked incredulously.

"No," he replied, looking straight ahead. He started to walk away from her.

"Seriously, Krakow, you're walking away from me when I'm trying to talk to you?" Angela stood rooted in the spot, refusing to close the growing distance between them.

"Look, Chase, you just don't get it!" Brian exclaimed, turning around suddenly and heading back towards her. A few people turned in interest at what had caused the sudden outburst from the curly-haired blond guy. "You don't get like, my feelings or my motivation, or any of it." His voice lowered as he came closer. Angela looked up at him, as if realizing for the first time how much taller than her he had become.

"Oh, I get it Krakow. I really do. The problem is just that I don't feel the same way, and you can't get mad at me for that," she said the words quickly, because they felt true and she didn't want to regret them.

"You're right, Chase," he held his hands out, as if in resignation, and began backing away from her. He bumped into a kid in the hallway and turned around quickly to apologize. "But I can be mad at you for taking me, your friend, for granted."

The late bell rang. Angela paused, stung at his articulate speech, as people around her rushed to homeroom. For the second time that week, Brian had left her speechless.

"I'm sorry..?" she offered weakly, but by then, Brian was gone.

She finally caught sight of Jordan between third and fourth periods. He was leaning up against his locker, squeezing drops into his eyes. He closed his eyes against the inevitable sting of the drops as they started to take effect. He seemed so oblivious to the world at that moment. She hesitated, not wanting to disturb his tranquility, before approaching him.

"Hey."

"Hey," he said easily, opening his eyes to her voice, as if he'd expected her to be there all along. When he opened his eyes, she could see that they were subtly rimmed with red, as if he'd kept them open all night. A tiny tear, obviously the remnant of the eye drops, dotted the edge of one eye. He blinked hard to catch it before it rolled down his face. Angela had to resist the urge to wipe it away, if only just to touch him. 'To hell with it,' she thought, and brought her fingers to his cheek.

"Where have you been today?" she asked, keeping her voice light so as not to sound interrogating. "This is the first time we've run into each other."

Instead of replying, he brought his hands into the small of her back and drew her towards him. She circled her hands behind his neck and leaned back a bit, gazing up at him. They studied each other wordlessly for a moment. Angela was aware that a goofy grin was starting to form on her face.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" she turned away self-consciously, but she didn't lose the smile on her face. Jordan gently took her chin in his hand, turning her face back towards his and planted a single kiss on her lips.

"I've got to go," he breathed, a tinge of regret in his voice.

"Already?" she tried not to sound too disappointed, but likely failed.

"Tino wants to talk about a song we're writing or something, so I have to meet him… But meet me after school." He turned her so that she was leaning on the lockers now instead, then let go. She could still feel where his hands had been, and her lips were still tingling with the sensation of his kiss.

"At my locker?" she called out hopefully.

"Yeah, sure," he called back, backing away, his hair falling into his eyes. She couldn't help but watch him walk languidly towards the parking lot.

_I thought Tino quit the band… Stop it! He said he would meet me after school, so I've just got to get through the next block, somehow… _

**Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think and I welcome any suggestions on which direction to take next. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all of your ongoing support! This chapter is a little bit shorter but I hope to update again soon! (I like to leave my writing in a place where I feel inspired to keep going.) Once again, I own nothing.**

Chapter 4: Moments

When the final bell rang, Angela was torn between a mixture of excitement and dread. Her heart pounded as she got up from her seat, and she pretended to idly listen to Sharon enthusiastically babble about an upcoming baseball game, or something.

"I can't wait! Baseball players are even cuter than football players, don't you think?" she gushed, picking up her books. As usual, Sharon was neatly coiffed, with her nails done, her earrings and necklace matching, and her sweater hugging her curves in a way that was both tasteful yet somehow body-conscious.

"Uh, I don't know," Angela said absentmindedly, following Sharon out of the classroom. In the hallway, she couldn't help but glance in the direction of her locker. "Um, you look really pretty today, Sharon," she felt bad for spacing out around her friend, but her compliment was sincere.

"Aw, thanks! You're so sweet!" Sharon lit up even more, if that was possible. Angela couldn't help but notice how remarkably well her friend had recovered from the embarrassment of having the "nicest rack" in the sophomore class. In fact, she had more than recovered – she had thrived, and she seemed to have developed true self-acceptance. It was reflected in the way that the older guys noticed her in the hallways and at school events, and the way that the girls looked at her, almost with respect rather than contempt. Angela envied this confidence, it seemed to come so naturally, while she still struggled with body image issues.

"But what is it, Chaseface? You're distracted." Sheepishly, Angela smiled. Sharon was a cheerleader and on class council, but she wasn't totally oblivious to the world around her.

"You're gonna get annoyed probably, but I'm supposed to meet Jordan, and I'm afraid he's not gonna show."

Sharon's face shifted into a tiny frown. "Why would you think that?" her tone sharpened slightly, and Angela was unsure whether this sharpness was directed at her admission to meeting Jordan or something else.

"I don't know, 'cause he's not always the most reliable…"

"Stop it!" Sharon hushed her. She had a serious look on her face, but she was smiling again too. "You're worth it. If he doesn't show, screw him!" she exclaimed emphatically. Angela couldn't help but smile as well, her friend's enthusiasm was infectious.

"Okay, you're right, of course. I'll try not to stress out over it." They resumed their amble side-by-side, at ease once more. "But how do I look?"

Sharon laughed, not unkindly, "Perfect. As always."

* * *

><p>She spotted him through the throng as she approached her locker, and her breath caught a little in her throat, and her heart picked up pace as she surveyed the scene in front of her. He had his back against the lockers, one foot propped up on the wall behind him, his hands relaxed in his pockets. He was observing the traffic along the hallway with detachment, as if he weren't really a part of it all. He turned and met her eyes as she came nearer, as if sensing her presence.<p>

"Hey." His eyes were very blue, the redness from earlier gone.

"How's it going?" she broke away from his gaze, directing her focus to the locker in front of her. She spun the lock but the stupid thing wouldn't open.

"Here, let me." She felt a flush start to rise in her cheeks as he brushed into her, turning his attention to the stubborn lock. It clicked affirmatively and he opened the door for her.

"Thanks." Slightly flustered, she made a show of switching her books out and grabbing her bag. She willed her hands to stop shaking and her heart to stop pounding. Why the sudden nerves, mixed with excitement?

"So Brain like cancelled our tutoring session this week," Jordan was saying, a slightly confused look on his face. "Said he was busy or something."

"Ha, that's doubtful," Angela scoffed without thinking, then caught herself, "I mean, maybe he has a big project or something." She didn't want to hurt Jordan's feelings by making this about her.

"Hm." He seemed to think about this for a moment, "but I think this has something to do with the letter," he continued, as she shut the locker door and slung her bag over her shoulder.

At the mention of the letter, Angela tensed. This was somewhat surprising of Jordan to bring up. "Um, what do you mean?" She could feel prickles going up and down her spine, knowing he was close behind her. _Does he know something about Brian's true intentions for writing the letter?_

"Forget it," he reached over and grabbed her arm. "Come here." He turned her around to face him. Despite herself, she could feel herself begin to smile, thoughts of Brian and the letter drifting away. Their hands caught, their fingers interlaced as she tilted her face up to his. Eagerly, his lips brushed hers, and she pressed into him, intensifying the kiss as he opened his mouth. His lips were warm, and he smelled wonderful, and she soon found her arms entwined around his neck.

"Oh god," she pulled away first. "That was…"

"I know," he murmured, his forehead against hers, his lips just seconds away.

"I'm glad you came back to meet me," she said, aware of the intensity of his gaze. His face broke into a smile and he reached for her again.

"Let's get out of here," she whispered, realizing that they were still standing in the hallway of Liberty High. She laughed, a bit self-consciously, thinking about where they were and the high possibility of an embarrassing run-in with a teacher or worse yet, the principal.

"Uh, do you mind if we stop by Big Guy Burger? I'm starving."

**To be continued soon... I promise! Please review! **


	5. Chapter 5

**As promised, here is the next installment! I just watched a few clips of the show again to try and capture Jordan's voice, hopefully I sort of got it! Please read & review! I own nothing...**

Chapter 5: Different

The sun was finally starting to make its appearance more frequently in the afternoons, subtly indicating a shift towards slightly longer days and eventually, the promise of endless hot days spent by the water, coconut-scented suntan lotion and frosted glasses clinking with ice. Today, though, there was still a distinct chill in the air as Jordan pulled his car into the park, top down. Angela sat beside him, a ragged plaid flannel blanket wrapped around her shoulders, paradoxically eating an ice cream sundae. A Big Guy Burger bag rested between them, and periodically one of them would reach for a French fry.

"Want a bite of my sundae?" she held up a spoonful of soft serve ice cream. There was a pause, then he nodded yes and leaned towards her to take the bite she offered. She was struck by the sudden casual way in which they were sharing food, as if it was something they had always done.

"Mm, that's cold," he said contentedly, then surprised her by pressing his cold lips against hers. She shivered in delight as he bit her bottom lip, nibbling and sucking on it slowly. His cold lips on her hot skin made her moan, just a little bit.

"You are just like, too good at this," Angela set the ice cream into the cup holder and placed a hand on the side of his face. She watched his lips curl into another smile.

"That's not all I'm good at," he managed to get out, naughtily, before her lips were on his again. She longed to feel his skin so reached up under his shirt, at the warm skin and taut muscles underneath, the beating heart… She didn't know where this was coming from and she had never been like this before, but she knew that she wanted to get closer, crawl under his skin, if that were possible. He had shifted towards her side of the car, and it was starting to get awfully cramped with the two of them on the passenger seat.

"Let's move to the backseat," Jordan murmured between kisses, taking both of her hands in an attempt to guide her. She allowed him to pull her into the back, where there was much more space, and he gently put his hand behind her head so she wouldn't bump her head against the door. She was aware of his weight as he shifted on top of her, his lips against her neck, his hair brushing against her cheek and her chin.

_Is that what he said to Rayanne? Is that what he said to all the girls before me? _

His hand cupped her breast and a jolt raced through her, not unpleasant. She shivered and tightened her hands on his lower back. He pulled away from her and looked at her, eyes half-closed.

"You okay?" his voice was all husky and she nodded, pulling him to her again. Their kisses became more urgent, and then she was aware that he had reached behind her back and was in the process of unhooking her bra with one hand. Clearly this was something he had done before. She pulled away subconsciously as the clasp gave way.

"What's wrong?" he had noticed her hesitation.

"Uh sorry, I— um, I just keep having these racing thoughts…"

"Well stop," he pleaded, planting kisses on the side of her face.

"It's like bad déja-vu or something…" she persisted, awkwardly reaching behind herself to re-do the bra clasp.

"Angela, do you like want me to stop?" He was still on top of her, his face inches away. His eyes were huge against his face.

"Yes…no…" her eyes squeezed shut in frustration. "I don't know. God, I'm such a freak, I'm sorry." She felt him get off of her and suddenly she was aware of how cold it was, with the open air around them and all. She climbed back into the front seat and pulled the blanket back over herself. She really wanted to pull the whole thing over her head and disappear. Meanwhile, Jordan had climbed out of the car and was standing with his back to her, lighting a cigarette. He leaned back against the car and exhaled a stream of smoke. For an instant, she was afraid of what he might say or do next.

"Jordan?" she climbed over to the driver's seat and hesitated, then she reached out of the car and put her arm around his waist from behind. She half-expected him to pull away, but he didn't.

"I like told myself I wouldn't do this again," he was saying, his back still to her. At his words, Angela felt her heart drop into her stomach. She quickly let go of him and retreated back to the passenger side of the car.

"Of course you did," she muttered bitterly. "Ugh, I am so stupid." She covered her face with her hands. "Well sorry for wasting your damn time!" She put her hand on the door handle and pushed the door open. 'I have to get the hell out of here,' she thought, starting to feel panicky as the tears threatened to spill.

_I should have known he didn't really care about me. I should have known this was just about… that. How could I have been so stupid – again? _

"Angela, where are you going?" she heard genuine confusion in his voice.

"You said this was a mistake, so I'm going." She fought to keep the quiver out of her voice.

"When did I say that?" She turned around to look at him. He had also turned around to face her, his elbows propped on the top of the closed window, his chin resting on his arms. His eyes watched her but his face gave nothing away.

"You said that you like wouldn't do this again." She looked down at her hands, then she had an irrepressible urge to start messing with her hair. She started twisting her hair in her fingers, then tucking her hair behind her ears.

"You like didn't let me finish." He opened the car door and sat down in the driver's seat. "What I meant was… I wasn't gonna do the same thing again, like pressure you, or whatever." This time it was his turn to look down at his hands. "You're like different, you know?"

"How?" Angela whispered, not trusting her voice.

"I don't know… Like, just the way you are. Like the way you see the world, like the way you see me… Like I'm… more than whatever I am, I guess." He looked up finally, and met her eyes. "And it's just different."

"I am always doing that, aren't I? Like jumping to conclusions and stuff… it's so annoying. I'll try to stop." She took a breath, and he took both her hands in his. She looked down at their hands, the way that his could be so gentle and strong all at once, the muscles in his wrists that flexed when he tightened his hold on her fingers. "I think that I lost it, thinking about you in the backseat with other girls. I'm sorry, it's so stupid."

"I forgot about that… I was only thinking about us, you know?" His face broke into another smile. "I was kinda distracted, obviously…"

She smiled too. "Obviously we both were. I mean, I forgive you for what happened, and I need to like move past it."

"Look, I know Graf is your friend or whatever, but…"

"Jordan, I don't want to talk about her." She could feel herself tense immediately at the mention of Rayanne's name. She still couldn't bring herself to think about what had happened, what they had done in that very backseat…

"I don't have any like, smart things to say about that situation," he began tentatively, "but… I hope you can see that it meant nothing, and she's not like you at all."

"Well, I should hope not," Angela tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice but it was hard. "She obviously does things that I won't, or at least that I haven't-"

"I mean to me. I would never like, try to get a girl like her to forgive me. I just wouldn't care, okay?" He ran his thumb along her cheek, searching her face. She found herself nodding.

"Okay." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. He put his arm around her and they sat together like that, until it was time for him to take her home for dinner.

**What do you think? What would you like to read next? **


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter is a bit different from the others before it, but I really wanted to give a bit of insight into these two characters' worlds. Hope you like it! I own nothing, and special thanks to Helveticajones for your great feedback/reviews through this little impasse.**

Chapter 6: Damaged

Brian couldn't help but peer through the blinds every half-hour or so, not sure what he was looking for until he caught sight of the red convertible pulling up in front of the Chases' house. What kind of fool drove with the top down at this time of year anyway? He knew this was such creepy voyeuristic behaviour, but he had been doing it for so long that it had become essentially an addiction… a terrible, sick and twisted addiction to pain and disappointment, so it seemed.

For the millionth time, he wished that he could read lips, although with the top of the car down, he could clearly interpret their body language. He watched the looks passed between them, the way she leaned into him, the way he brushed her hair back from her face, feeling both disgusted and sorry for himself. Why was he doing this? Every time he saw them together it was like being punched in the gut, with the same strange mixed sensation of pain and nausea. He'd been punched in the gut once, so he could honestly say what it felt like.

It was just so unfair, even the way he was thinking of the unfairness was such a cliché. Girls always went for the good-looking guy. It was just the way things happened, in the natural social order of things or whatever. Good-looking guys were more virile or something, and that made them more attractive for reproductive purposes. His DNA was not a catch. He had stomach problems, summer colds and an inability to accurately perceive others' perceptions of him. His dad thought he had mild Asperger's, but his mom thought it was all learned behaviour, and that he was the product of faulty socialization. Whatever, they could never agree on anything, not even his "diagnosis."

He watched them kiss and it was like a knife twisting into his heart, if that could even happen without him dying instantly. Maybe it would be better if he died instantly, but even that was a little melodramatic for his taste. 'I helped make this happen' he thought miserably. For all he knew, Jordan had done other things with her, touched her underneath her clothes, been inside of her… He had thought that maybe he could tell if Angela had lost her virginity to Jordan but they had been so distant from one another lately, he couldn't tell anymore. The thought of them having sex was both repulsive and arousing at once, and Brian's cheeks flushed with shame as he sat there alone in the dark. He tore his eyes away momentarily from the window, silently counting to ten.

Despite all the negative thoughts that Brian currently harboured towards Jordan Catalano, he had to admit that Jordan had always treated him with a relative amount of respect. Even though he had the emotional depth of a rock and likely the IQ of a houseplant or something, he couldn't say anything overtly negative about the guy's character. Yes, he had hurt Angela with the whole Rayanne Graf episode, but he had apologized and tried to make it up to her. It probably like impaired his ability to function, having all these girls throwing themselves at him all the time.

The thing was, Jordan acted on things and went after what he wanted. He couldn't fault the guy for taking action when he himself hid behind his mask of intellect and could barely admit to himself that he had feelings for Angela Chase. If he couldn't be honest, he didn't deserve her any more than Jordan did.

Inexorably, he found his eyes drifting back to the two of them outside, saying their stupid mushy goodbyes. He couldn't pry his eyes away until the red car disappeared into the night. Then he felt himself breathing a slow sigh of relief, but he wasn't quite sure why.

* * *

><p>People were always seeing Jordan Catalano, the persona. It wasn't something he actively worked on or anything, but as it turned out, girls liked guys in bands, who drove convertibles, sat in the backs of classrooms and kept quiet. Other than the fact that his grades sucked and he found school sort of pointless, he'd been spared the whole awkward teenage high school existence. But after a while, it seemed like no one bothered to see past all that "stuff" – it just became part of his social identity. And he knew there were lots of rumours about him, because he never talked about his personal life. The truth was, there wasn't a whole lot to tell and he would rather not think about it. Thinking about it just made him want to do things to forget about it.<p>

Mostly he was fine – great, even. His friends were like his brothers, girls liked him and hung on his every word, even when he didn't have anything especially intelligent to say, he made enough money to party every week-end and he was a decent guitar player. Yet sometimes, invariably at the oddest times, a thought or a pang would strike him, and he could only describe it as loneliness. He didn't really understand it, because he was rarely alone and sometimes even wished he could be alone more often. His friends didn't understand that, the way he could leave a perfectly good party to sit by himself outside, or how he sometimes spent hours driving aimlessly in his car, smoking cigarettes with the radio turned up.

The first time he had sex, he wasn't even looking for it. But after that first time, he understood exactly why his old man was so addicted to women. It somehow had a way of simultaneously making him realize and forget just how lonely he had been. He wasn't like his old man, though. He didn't fall in love - rarely, at least. One of the first few times a girl broke his heart, Shane had grabbed him by the shoulders and said fiercely, "A girl who gives it up that easily is not worth your time, man!" He wasn't sure how Shane knew stuff like that, but he was right.

Over time, he could spot the type of girl who would sleep with him in a heartbeat. They all looked different, but he always recognized the smudged eye makeup, the alcohol on their breath, the suggestive smiles. There was a comfortable familiarity to this type of girl, who never challenged him, never made him feel stupid and never questioned his home situation because hers was likely similar. Sometimes they would get upset when he didn't call, but mostly there was a mutual understanding, an openness to the possibility of it happening again if they were both drunk and at the same party.

The party where he found himself tonight was crawling with girls like that. He had just dropped Angela off and, not wanting to go back to his dad's house, had made his way over here. He leaned forward against a balcony railing, watching the scene unfold below him. He spotted Rayanne Graf in a corner and shuddered, wishing he could erase the past. She was the perfect example of the stupid stuff he did when he was feeling lonely, a decision he had basically regretted from the moment he drunkenly made it. Not only was she friends with Angela, she was "involved' with Tino – not that Tino would care, but to knowingly hook up with a girl one, or several, of his friends had also slept with sort of grossed him out. He closed his eyes, willing it all to go away.

"Yo, Catalano," Rayanne appeared beside him, made bold by the alcohol she'd been drinking. "Have you seen Tino?"

"He was here a minute ago," Jordan replied, silently cursing his luck. Why was she talking to him now?

"I need more beer," she slurred slightly, then tipped her head back and looked at him, laughing in that low way that she had.

"What?" Jordan snapped. He hated when people did that, looked at him like they were trying to figure him out, then started laughing, as if to piss him off further.

"Whoa, relax. Just surprised to see you here now that you're like the perfect committed boyfriend or something."

"Shut up, Graf. You're like super drunk or something." He got the mental image of a moth to a flame, although he wasn't sure which one of them was which.

"Where is Little Miss Innocent anyway?" she asked, as if she couldn't even bear to say Angela's name.

Jordan fought the urge to make a rude comeback, since he detected an edge of sadness to her voice, similar to the night where the whole mess had begun. "I took her home. She had to be back for dinner."

"Ah yes, Patty and Graham would like, die, if they caught her out with a bunch of degenerates like us on a school night." She started pretending to swoon. Jordan debated asking her what that word meant, but he was sure it didn't mean anything good.

"Whatever, Graf. Patty likes me." He made sure to put extra emphasis on Patty's name. Was he imagining things, or did Rayanne actually look jealous at that moment?

"Damnit, life is so unfair. You're like a total asshole to her and she still forgives you? And I make one mistake and I'm like the world's biggest slut?"

"Hey, I'm not a total asshole," Jordan's temper started to flare. "I didn't hurt her on purpose. We were broken up." He said those last words through clenched teeth, amazed at how his blood felt like it was boiling, or something. "You're the one who messed up and you can't even like take the blame. Like why are you here bitching at me when you should be talking to her or something?"

"She won't talk to me," Rayanne said quietly, all her bravado gone. He was constantly amazed at how quickly her moods changed. She was weird, alright. _Shane strikes again._

"Well, you can't just like, give up on her. If you do, then you probably never really cared that much, or whatever." He wasn't sure where that came from, but it seemed to come from a familiar place.

Rayanne leaned in then, so close that he was afraid she was going to kiss him. "You know," she began under her breath, "part of me hopes I'm right about you…"

"Right about what?" Jordan started feeling defensive again. He didn't like the way she was looking all crazy all of a sudden.

"People don't change, Catalano. You and me, we are damaged goods!" She let out a short, sharp laugh. "And even nice people like Angela Chase can't fix us." She lifted his beer from his startled hand and tipped it into her mouth. "You know exactly what I'm talking about!" she punctuated this last sentence using his beer to point at him. Jordan couldn't suppress a shiver as she backed away from him, her good spirits back, taking his beer with her.

**Thanks for reading! Please read & review for more! I would really love to know what you think so please please review! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for all of your reviews, I really appreciate it! I'm glad there was good feedback on the last chapter, hopefully you like this next one! I own nothing. **

Chapter 7: Morning

"Rayanne! Get out of bed, young lady! You're going to be late for school!"

"What the—" Rayanne awoke to her mother's yells and a pounding in her head. Great. She'd heard that tone of voice before. Unfortunately, she was in no mood for it today. The door burst open and Amber poked her head in.

"Get up! I am not doing this with you today!"

"What the hell! I'm naked! Get out!" Rayanne shrieked, pulling the blankets over herself. As she did so, she realized, with some relief, that she actually had clothes on.

"Oh quit the melodramatics, Rayanne. I'm not buying it. What time did you get home last night?"

"What time did _you_ get home?" Rayanne asked pointedly, rolling onto her knees and putting her hands on her hips. "I didn't see you when I got in."

Something changed in her mother's face. "This isn't about me, I'm the adult here."

"Could've fooled me," she muttered.

"What was that?" Instant sharpening of the tone, like jagged ice.

"Nothing!" Rayanne rolled her eyes and hoisted herself out of bed. "Just don't be a hypocrite. You obviously stayed at Rusty's last night. I don't care. Don't worry, I'm going to school. I have dress rehearsal tonight." She padded past her mother towards the shower.

"Well you're on your own tonight, Missy. I'm staying at Rusty's, incidentally."

"Like I want to hear the details of my mother's sex life!" Rayanne yelled back over her shoulder as she shut the bathroom door.

"Okay kiddo, what is going on here?" she heard her mother's voice through the door.

"Nothing! Everything's fine! I'm just dead tired!" she started the shower, hoping to drown out her mother's questions. Obviously Amber would find out the truth soon enough, but right now, with this fierce hangover about to kick in and a long day ahead of her, she didn't really want to get into it. "I'm just an unstable bitch with no friends," she sing-songed to herself, as she shampooed her hair. "Nobody loves me, it's trueeeee…" she belted out the Portishead song as she rinsed her hair. "Not like you doooooo…" She started to feel a little better, although she was still a bit annoyed that her mom was ditching her for Rusty again tonight. At least it meant she could do whatever she felt like after dress rehearsal. 'Or whoever,' she thought, with a chuckle.

She braided her wet hair and quickly applied some makeup to her face, purposely smudging her eyeliner and curling her lashes like Rickie had taught her. Okay, so maybe Angela hated her, she could be thoughtless and selfish and she was possibly an addict – to adrenaline, to pain, to drama, whatever – but she was still Rayanne Graf, the most fun person she knew. She made things happen, injected some colour into the boring grey of daily living. Not everyone could handle her, but no one could deny that she was an original.

"Okay, I'm ready Mom!" she called out a few short moments later. She was going to miss homeroom but she didn't care, no one would expect her there anyway. She would probably cut most of her classes and work on memorizing her lines today, and she would face the day head-on, whatever happened.

* * *

><p>Angela awoke to something bouncing on her bed. "Danielle, quit it!" she called out threateningly, pulling her pillow over her head. The bouncing continued, only harder this time. Whoever was bouncing was too heavy to be her little sister. She whipped the pillow off her head and looked up into a pair of blue eyes, shining with amusement.<p>

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" she exclaimed, surprised and a bit horrified that Jordan was seeing her first-thing in the morning. Her hair was probably a mess, she had no make-up on and she was wearing the same humongous nightshirt he had seen her in before. She was tempted to put the pillow back over her head.

"Patty said I could come up and wake you," he said, smiling shyly. "I thought it would be a funny surprise or something."

"More like embarrassing," she mumbled, but she smiled, despite herself. Unexpectedly, Jordan lunged at her and pulled her into his arms, holding her close against him. She felt his heart beat against hers as they lay there together for a moment.

"What was that for?" she asked happily, thrilled at the sudden unprovoked gesture. There couldn't be a better way to start the morning.

"Uh, just glad to see you, I guess," he kissed her cheek and pulled away to look into her eyes again. 'I could get lost in those eyes,' she thought dreamily, reaching up to touch his face. He looked tired, but absolutely adorable.

"Angela, time for school! No funny business in there!" Patty chided, lightly tapping on the door, waking them both from their reverie.

"Yes! I'm up, Mom! Thanks!" she dashed up from the bed and opened the door quickly to show that nothing had been going on. Patty smiled at them from the doorway, a bit knowingly.

"Jordan, thanks for waking her up. I knew you would be more successful than I would be. But leave the door open next time," she said in her mock-stern voice. "Now why don't I get you a cup of coffee and something to eat while Angela gets ready."

"I like my coffee black, I think, but sweet," Jordan was saying as they headed down the stairs. Angela smiled, listening to him, then silently thanked her mother for providing the distraction she needed to get on with her day – although she desperately wanted to get ready and look nice, she also knew that she could easily spend the entire day looking into his eyes.

She hadn't expected him this morning, but it had definitely been a welcome surprise. She still wasn't sure sometimes if she was "crowding him" (as he'd said once, which still kind of stung) so she was thrilled that he'd come on his own volition. Hopefully, her family wouldn't be overly embarrassing… She quickly went through her morning routine, showering, brushing her teeth and applying her makeup, then she pulled on her favourite sweater and jeans. She remembered that there was dress rehearsal for the play tonight and last-minute set stuff to do, and Rickie would be counting on her to be there.

When she came down the stairs to the kitchen, she couldn't help but smile at the scene before her. Graham was heaping more food onto Jordan's plate, saying, "Eat! Eat! You're a growing boy," while Danielle read the newspaper to them. Patty was rushing around gathering up papers and file folders, but she seemed a bit more at ease than usual. Angela had the sudden overwhelming urge to kiss both her parents, she was so happy at that moment. Her mom beamed at her.

"Hey honey, do you want some eggs and bacon?" Graham asked as Angela grabbed a carafe of orange juice off the table and poured herself a glass.

"I'll just grab some eggs," she put the orange juice down and headed towards the stove and the pan of eggs. "What are these little things?" She picked up a pastry and sniffed it. There was a tray of them, fresh from the oven.

"Ah yes, those are cheddar and chive scones. I'm trying them out for the brunch buffet. I want everyone to try them and tell me what you think." Angela broke off a piece of one and popped it into her mouth. Her dad had gotten the combination and ratio of ingredients just right. She marveled at how far he had come with his cooking in just the past few months. She'd always known he was talented, but she had never imagined him cooking for anyone other than his family.

"It's great, Dad. I think you got the balance of flavours just right. Here Jordan, try this," she put one on his plate.

"What are those little green things?" he asked.

"They're chives," Graham replied. "They're in the onion family and are sort of like green onions, only smaller and thinner."

"Do you always cook such fancy food for your family?" Jordan asked, in that funny blunt way that he had.

"Dad is opening a restaurant soon," Angela said proudly. "He's testing out all the menus on us."

"Wow, lucky," Jordan sighed. "That was really good."

"You two should probably head to school," Patty came over and started clearing away the breakfast dishes. Angela insisted on helping her, she was elated about how well everything was going. She hadn't known whether her dad would have freaked out or her sister might have said something inappropriate… so many things could have gone wrong and she was relieved that they were acting like normal people today.

"I'm staying after school today, there is some set stuff left to do for the play," Angela said to her mother as they stacked the dishes into the dishwasher.

"Oh remind me to buy tickets," her mother told her enthusiastically. "Your dad and I really want to come."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Rayanne's got one of the main roles, doesn't she?" Angela couldn't help but feel a small flicker of annoyance at the mention of her former best friend's name.

"Yeah so?"

"So…" Patty smiled and put her hands on her daughter's shoulders, "I want to support her, and all of you. You're all putting in a lot of hard work. I know she's done some things you're upset with her about…" Angela turned her face away, "but if you were truly friends in the first place, you'll work it out." Patty grabbed her chin in her hand. "It will all be okay."

"Sure, Mom, whatever," Angela turned away again, rolling her eyes as she did so. Why was her mom so naïve sometimes? It was likely going to be impossible to forgive Rayanne. Her actions felt so premeditated, so heartless.

"I know you don't believe me, sweetie, but it's true," Patty said, as if reading her thoughts. "I was young once too, you know."

"Oh Mother…" Angela sighed in mock-annoyance, giving her mother a quick hug. "Please leave me to make my own mistakes." Her mother smiled wistfully at her and playfully tweaked her nose, then said simply, "Call me if you need a ride home."

As if on cue, Jordan appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. He was holding two paper bags in his hands. "Uh Angela, are you ready to go?" Angela nodded, letting go of her mom and making her way towards him, looking at the bags in his hands with curiosity. Jordan thanked Patty for breakfast as they left, looking a bit awkward.

"Anytime, sweetheart," Patty gave him another winning smile, waving as they walked away.

"Did Dad make us lunch?" Angela smiled, walking behind him through the dining room and into the front hallway, grabbing her coat.

"Yeah, they're called paninis. They're Italian. He thinks they're gonna be the next big thing," Jordan handed one of the bags to her as they exited the house towards the car parked outside. He opened the door for her.

As Jordan started the car, Angela breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Phew, that could have been awkward," she said breezily. "I'm sorry you had to be alone with them."

Jordan shrugged. "It was okay. It was like being at my Nona's house, except it was your dad wearing the apron." They both laughed at that moment, catching each other's eyes. "But seriously, it was fine. They're all… nice. And they're normal."

"Sure, whatever," she rolled her eyes. "And embarrassing and strict. I have like no social life on the weekdays because I'm not allowed to do anything. You're probably allowed to do whatever you want." She said this last part without thinking, then realized that she knew basically nothing about his home life, since he never brought it up. There were rumours, of course, but they had never been confirmed and she wasn't prepared to ask. Was it her imagination, or did he suddenly look sad for a second?

"They just probably care about you," he said quietly, his hands on the steering wheel, his fingers tapping lightly to the beat on the radio. Angela was tempted to pull his hand into hers but it seemed more like something she wanted for herself in that moment, so she refrained. She also wanted to ask him why he'd come to pick her up this morning and whether he'd missed her, but she wasn't sure if she would like his answer so once again, she held back.

The rest of the car ride was silent. Jordan seemed lost in his thoughts, although he would occasionally sing along to something on the radio. She loved his voice, the way it was just a bit husky but also sounded natural, like his speaking voice.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Jordan just sat there for a moment with his eyes closed, making no move to get out.

"Are you going in?"

"Probably eventually," he replied, fiddling in his pockets for eye drops or a cigarette, most likely.

"Alright, I'll see you later then," Angela leaned in and kissed his cheek, determined not to be affected by his sudden withdrawal.

"See you," he said, barely turning his head as she left the car. She shut the door a little harder than intended, annoyance taking over. What had happened? She stalked towards the front doors of Liberty High alone, fighting back against the inevitable rush of insecurities and emotions that threatened to overtake her.

**Oh drama... please please read & review! **

**BTW the song that Rayanne is singing in the shower is "Sour Times" by Portishead, released in 1994.  
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	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter was hard to write, but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading! I own nothing.**

Chapter 8: People we know

"Ugh, I feel like I am like, doomed to love him forever and he's like, emotionally unavailable or something," Angela groaned at Rickie. They were in the girls' bathroom again, between the end of classes and the start of dress rehearsal. After leaving Jordan in the parking lot, she hadn't seen him all day, not that she'd really bothered to look for him.

"Well, I don't know if this helps at all, but Tino said that his family's like really messed up, and well, we obviously know a thing or two about messed up families." He let out a hollow laugh. He was still staying at Katimsky's and lived in constant fear that it would all soon come to an end. In fact, he kept all his stuff in bags so that he could be ready to leave at a moment's notice.

Angela's eyes widened. "So are the rumours like true?" she asked in a loud whisper.

Rickie shrugged. "The stuff about his mom doing porn in the late '70s? Probably not. The rest… I don't know."

"It's so weird how you can know somebody and like, not know them," Angela mused, and Rickie nodded, each momentarily lost in their own thoughts. "God, Rickie, I must have looked so insensitive, complaining about my parents especially after he was just saying how normal they were and everything."

"Well, they are pretty great," Rickie replied, a bit wistfully. "You really don't know how lucky you are."

"Yeah, I guess…"

Sharon and Delia Fisher came in then, chattering excitedly about the play and the after-party they were planning. They all exchanged hellos and Angela couldn't help but feel mildly fascinated with Delia – this girl had actually like _wanted_ Brian Krakow and now she had sort of developed a crush on Rickie. Delia's "type" was vastly different from her own, but she still went for guys who were somehow bad for her – emotionally unavailable, as it were.

"How's it going, Ange?" Sharon asked, powdering her nose.

"Oh, you know, it's going," Angela replied nonchalantly.

"How's Jordan?" to which Angela made a face. "Or is he being a butthead?"

"He's just hot and cold, you know," she didn't feel like repeating the whole incident to Sharon in front of Delia. "Just when I think I'm really getting somewhere with him, he pushes me away."

"Classic commitment-phobic behaviour," Sharon rolled her eyes. "So typical. Yet I have the opposite problem with Kyle. He won't leave me alone, no matter how much I avoid him."

"Must be nice to have boy trouble," Delia exchanged a glance with Rickie.

"Oh sweetie, we'll fix you up with someone," Sharon gave Delia a quick squeeze around the shoulders. "Someone who appreciates how adorable and special you are." This elicited a small smile from Delia.

'Sharon is so good at making people feel better about themselves,' Angela thought. 'No wonder I missed being her friend so much.'

"Let's get to dress rehearsal," Rickie said to everyone. "It would look bad if the stage manager were late."

* * *

><p>Several students were starting to move parts of the set onto the stage in preparation for the first scene. Others were milling about, in partial costume, reciting lines and blocking their movements. Although the original play by Thornton Wilder was not intended to have a set and only a few props, Mr. Katimsky had decided to include a small set, of which Corey was in charge.<p>

Angela walked backstage and saw several students staining furniture – a table, chairs and a ladder. She grabbed a brush and went to work on a chair, hoping that no one would single her out or talk to her. She was still a bit embarrassed about the whole Corey episode, when she had foolishly tried to make Jordan jealous. It had sort of worked, but she still felt stupid about it, that another person could affect her to the point that she acted like someone else. And even though it was insane, a part of her wished that Jordan could understand and appreciate that she'd done it because she couldn't stop thinking about him and wishing that he would just reciprocate a little bit. Just like now. She was supposed to be living her life, but she kept thinking of him and he was obviously off doing whatever he felt like. Without her.

She watched Rayanne walk onto the stage, wearing a long plain white dress with little sleeves that covered her shoulders, her hair in loose waves around her face.

She had scrubbed her face clean. She looked almost transformed – Angela had never seen her look so young or so innocent, she could have been a different person altogether. She could have been someone who didn't betray her friends, who didn't always think of herself first. Would she have become friends with her in the first place though, if there weren't that possibility of danger, of the unknown?

She tried not to listen as Rayanne started reciting her lines, as she gradually morphed into the character of Emily Webb. She tried to ignore the longing, the sadness in Rayanne's voice – how much of it was real, how much of it was acting? She didn't know anymore. Had she ever really known her? That was probably the most upsetting part – being friends meant being able to trust the other person, at least in Angela's mind. If other people didn't think the same way, well, she didn't know if she wanted to live in this world anymore.

"She's great, isn't she?" Corey had appeared beside Angela, his eyes on Rayanne. "If you like knew her in real life, you would never think she could do this part… not that you don't know her," he added as an afterthought.

"Well, I thought I did," Angela said without thinking. When Corey gave her a strange look, she hastily corrected herself: "I mean, I think I do. But how well do we ever really know people?" She hadn't intended to ask that last part, but she felt so lost then.

"I think we have to know ourselves first," Corey said thoughtfully. "Otherwise, if we're always looking to other people to like gauge who we are, we'll never figure them out."

"So you mean that there is a constant 'self' that never changes according to the situation?" Angela was intrigued by this idea. She was made up of so many different roles, she felt constantly splintered, pulled in different directions.

"Yeah, I guess," Corey mused. "I never really thought of it that way before, but I guess that is what an identity is – someone who remains constant, to themselves."

"Do you think it's wrong to experiment with different selves in order to find this integrated self?" Angela wasn't sure where these questions were coming from, but it felt good to discuss this kind of thing with someone who was at least a bit more impartial than her closest friends.

"No, of course not," he picked up another brush and started applying a second coat of stain to the chair Angela was working on. "I think that's what growing up and all this 'coming of age' stuff is all about, trying out different things until we figure out what works."

"But it's so confusing," she said, more to herself. "You never really know where you stand with people."

"Well, I think that's why it's more important to be truthful to ourselves, even if we don't know ourselves yet. Cuz we can control ourselves, but we can't control other people." Angela nodded. She hadn't realized that Corey was so profound, it was really interesting to hear what he thought. It was a bit weird that he seemed into Rayanne though – what did he see in her, besides the obvious?

* * *

><p>"Great rehearsal... everybody. We shall meet again... next week," Mr. Katimski was saying to everyone later on that evening. The set was more or less finished and the actors had gone through the most important scenes. Angela was relieved that all the actors were present and she hadn't been asked to fill in again – she probably would have died if she'd had to read through another scene with Rayanne. The tears they had both cried last time had been real, the scene had felt so personal. Yet it hadn't changed anything between them. Angela still felt angry and betrayed, and she still felt unable to forgive. She didn't know why it had been easier to forgive Jordan – it had something to do with lower expectations of him. There was an unspoken code between friends, and Rayanne had broken it. It was unfair, but that was the way it had to be.<p>

Angela gathered up her stuff and turned to catch up with Rickie and Mr. Katimsky. Maybe they would give her a ride home so she wouldn't have to call Patty.

"Angela!" she turned automatically even though she recognized the voice and wished she could have ignored the sound of her own name being called.

"What is it, Rayanne?" Rayanne had changed back into her regular clothes and had put some makeup on, but her hair was still loose and unadorned. It was probably the first time Angela had ever seen her without a braid or something in her hair. Rayanne looked a bit nervous, although she had to marvel at her nerve.

"So Catalano and I were at a party last night, that Tino had, and I just want him to know that I'm sorry cuz I was drunk and said some stupid stuff to him."

"Well why don't you tell him that yourself?" Angela knew that her voice probably sounded icy, but she couldn't help herself. Jordan and Rayanne, at the same party? She hadn't known anything about this. "You know him pretty well, as I recall."

She saw Rayanne take a step back and a muscle twitched in her cheek. "No, I really don't. We're not like, friends or anything. He obviously cares about you, and we don't give a crap about each other. And he doesn't want to talk to me anyway, I sort of just started yelling stuff at him. Like I said, I was drunk."

"You need help or something," Angela couldn't help but say. "Like you almost died from drinking and you're still doing it?" She knew it wasn't the right thing to say, that there were so many other words she could have chosen, but anger erupted through her veins at that moment. "Why were you even talking to him?" She didn't want to sound jealous, but she still was.

"It's like, the only way to get to you."

"Well, it clearly didn't work. He came by this morning then got all weird and wouldn't talk to me again after that…" Angela paused, thinking for a moment. "This better not have anything to do with you!" She felt like slapping Rayanne in the face, she was so angry. "Who am I kidding, of course it had to do with you. What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you just leave me alone?" her voice broke, the tears rose in her eyes. "What did you say?"

Rayanne was looking down at the ground. It was like all the fight had gone out of her, which was scary and strange because she was normally so feisty.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"What did you say?" Angela yelled, no longer caring if anyone heard. Rayanne's head snapped back up and she looked at Angela almost defiantly.

"The gist of it is that I said you were too good for him, or should I say, too good for us."

"What does that even mean?" she demanded, bewildered. "And why are you putting yourselves in the same category?"

"I'm a bad friend, he's a guy you can never be sure about. We've both hurt you. We both don't deserve to be in your life. "

"Why don't you let me decide that?" Angela snapped, her eyes flashing.

"But we can't like stay away from you. It's like we're both so messed up, we need you - to know that we're okay, or that we can be." There were unshed tears in Rayanne's eyes, but Angela couldn't trust them, or her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Angela's eyes narrowed. "If you need me so much, if I'm so important to you, why did you betray me?"

"I can't speak for Jordan, obviously, but I can't really explain it. It's like… I had to test some kind of limit… I don't know. I'm messed up, clearly. I need major help." The way she said those words seemed so aloof though, as if she were standing outside of her own body watching herself say them.

"Why are you telling me all this?" But as she said this, all the pieces fell into place – about Jordan, and all the weirdness from that morning. Rayanne had made it glaringly obvious that they lived in completely different worlds, and Jordan must have taken it to heart. Something must have shifted in Angela's face as comprehension dawned on her, because Rayanne stood there in silence. "How could you be so heartless?" The tears rose into Angela's eyes again and she felt a lump form in her throat. "You know, probably better than I do, about how bad things must be for him… and you had to go and point it out anyway? And make it seem like I'm all clueless and innocent?"

"I said I'm sorry…" Rayanne murmured.

"You can't keep doing this, Rayanne! You can't go and sabotage things because you're unhappy, then turn around and apologize like it's nothing!"

"There's nothing to sabotage if he was never really yours in the first place!" Rayanne snapped back. "This is the point I keep trying to make! If he cares about you, you guys will get through this bump in the road. Something an idiot like me says shouldn't make a difference."

"This is not just some guy we're talking about. He's a human being that I care about."

"Oh, he gets all the benefit of the doubt now, huh? He's a human being who is all fragile and broken and you have to protect him?" Rayanne snarled, visibly hurt and making no attempt to control her emotions. "Wake up, Angela! Even you can't possibly be that naïve."

"Shut up, Rayanne! You blew it! I'm gone!" Angela turned on her heel and strode away as quickly as she could, although she was shaking. The tears flooded almost as soon as she turned around, to the point where she couldn't even see straight.

She bumped into someone at the front doors and started to apologize, ducking her head in an attempt to hide her tears.

"Angela? What's wrong?" It was Brian. She had never felt such relief and annoyance at the same time. "Never mind," he said when he realized how distressed she looked, the tears running down her cheeks, the flushed face and neck. He drew her into an awkward hug and she let him, relaxing her face against his shoulder. "Come on, Chase, I'll take you home."

**Hope you liked it! This chapter had a lot of things happening but I sort of wanted a showdown between Angela and Rayanne. What did you think? Please read and review! **


	9. Chapter 9

**I finally had a chance to update. I have been thinking about these characters a lot, so I hope you like my next installment! I own nothing. Please read & review. I will hopefully have the next chapter up before the weekend! **

Chapter 9: Different Circumstances

"Did you drive here or something?" Angela wiped at her eyes hastily, starting to feel awkward in case one of Brian's parents were around.

"I guess I didn't tell you, I passed my driver's test – yesterday." Brian's tone tried to remain nonchalant.

"That's great, congrats," Angela said, trying to muster up some enthusiasm, but it was pretty well impossible. A wave of exhaustion hit her then, and all she wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed. She was glad that she didn't have to deal with Bob or Bernice Krakow right then though – thank God for small favours. She followed Brian out to the parking lot, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve but it was really pointless anyway because it was raining so hard.

"So like, what happened? Did you and Jordan get in a fight or something?" Brian asked in his typical way, as he unlocked the driver's door and reached across to open the passenger door for Angela.

She sighed. "No Krakow, we didn't get in a fight. Not exactly. He hasn't talked to me all day, but this was something completely different."

"Oh. No wonder you're like upset. Jordan won't talk to you and then something else happened." Brian's voice sounded a bit flat, and she couldn't tell if he was glad that she was upset or if he was sympathizing with her.

"Yeah, it's Rayanne. She's stirring up trouble any way that she can, I think because she's upset that I forgave Jordan and not her. So she's trying to like get my attention somehow."

"She's an exhibitionist, that's for sure," Brian replied. "I think it comes from this deep-rooted insecurity, or something."

"Seriously? You think Rayanne's insecure?" Angela pondered for a moment. "I guess so, actually, but she sure shows it in a different way."

"She needs attention, even if it's negative attention," Brian affirmed.

"So what do I do about her?" she wondered aloud, not expecting Brian to have an answer.

"I guess you have to decide if the bad like outweighs the good." Brian looked at her and she got the distinct feeling that he wasn't necessarily talking about Rayanne anymore. "Like, if the good makes it worth being her friend."

"Rayanne said she told Jordan he wasn't good enough for me," Angela said abruptly. "And he must have believed her, or something, because he's been avoiding me all day." She felt a little awkward bringing up Jordan again, but it seemed sort of integral to explaining what had happened with Rayanne, she rationalized.

"Did something like happen between you and Jordan this morning?" Brian seemed curious, despite himself.

"Well it was kind of unusual because he came by early this morning to drive me to school and he was fine, then he was hanging out having breakfast with my family and stuff…" she paused, not sure if she was making Brian uncomfortable or upset. He seemed to be listening to what she had to say, rather than thinking about who she was talking about. "Then he got weird after I started complaining about them."

"Maybe he's jealous or something."

"Of what?" Angela rolled her eyes. "My overprotective parents?"

"Think about it for a second, Chase. The guy could like barely read and he's flunked like two grades. Do you really think he comes from a family that hangs out around the breakfast table reading the paper and eating pancakes together?" he described exactly what had happened that morning and she cringed, partly because she was wondering if he had been spying on them, and partly because she couldn't believe how dead-on he was about her naivete. If Brian Krakow could see how little she knew about the world around her, undoubtedly, he wasn't the only one.

"What do you know about other people's parents?" she countered. "You live in just as much of a bubble as I do."

"Whatever, Angela. I know you think it's cool that he's like throwing his life away flunking out, but there's life beyond high school. People have to like, get careers and responsibilities and do things with their lives."

"Of course you would say that, Krakow," she groaned. "And you would be right, at least on some level, like according to people like our parents." She stared out the window at their tree-lined street, where they had now arrived. Brian pulled up to the curb beside her house and she looked at the inviting light shining from the living room, the porch swing out front. She couldn't imagine what it would be like not feeling comforted by coming home. "But it's cool discovering the way other people are, and seeing how different circumstances can be." She started tracing a smiley face on the fogged window with a fingertip. "I think that's partly why I freaked out this year, just knowing how sheltered I've been and sort of hating it."

Brian nodded. It seemed to make sense to him. "Don't worry about Jordan," he said suddenly. "He knows you're worth it, and he'll come around."

"Thanks Brian," Angela said sincerely. She opened the door to get out, then thought better of it for a moment. "I should have said something sooner, you know, but I wanted to thank you for that letter. It meant a lot to me, and it really made me feel good about myself…" She paused and looked at him shyly. He was hanging onto her every word. "And I know that I get annoyed sometimes and I'm not always very nice to you, but…"

"It's okay," Brian interrupted. "I know you've got a lot going on."

"But it's not okay," she insisted. "But just know that I'm thankful you've always been my friend, even when I haven't been yours." She smiled at him one more time. It felt a bit too awkward to hug him, so she reached over and patted him on the shoulder. "I should get going, but I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Brian seemed deep in thought or shocked, she wasn't sure.

"Thanks for the ride." She waved one more time and shut the door. She knew that Brian would wait to make sure she got inside safely, even though he was just going back across the street.

* * *

><p>"Angela," she heard him call out her name, but she didn't turn around. "Angela!" he called more insistently. She felt a hand on her arm.<p>

"Um, what do you want," she said coolly, turning around and looking at him but not quite meeting his eyes. This felt like the whole stupid pen incident all over again, except this time he knew that she knew he'd messed up.

"So, how's it going?" his sleeves were pulled down low over his hands and he seemed to be waiting for something – some kind of sign from her. She was determined to give him nothing.

"Oh, like you care," she muttered.

"What's your problem?"

"Seriously, Jordan? You don't talk to me for two days and suddenly you're expecting me to be all like, falling over myself to talk to you?" she could feel herself flushing with anger but there was strength behind her words. "I don't deserve that."

"Can we just go somewhere?" his voice took on an almost-pleading tone. She looked up at him finally and his eyes were so blue and puppy-dog like. 'This must be how he gets his way,' she thought.

"I'm not leaving, if that's what you mean." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Although I'm not really comfortable standing in the middle of the hallway either."

She finally conceded and allowed him to lead her to a quiet corner over by a row of lockers, then she leaned back and gave him a look that said, "Okay, explain yourself."

"Look, I'm not good at this, I already told you that." He placed one hand on the wall beside her so that he was leaning over her. Despite her frustration, she was still extremely aware of how close he was, and how good he smelled. "But I'm trying…" he leaned in closer and brushed up against her ear. "I didn't want to stay away from you, you know…"

"So why did you?" she asked, and there was no sharpness in her tone anymore. Was Jordan Catalano saying that he'd missed her?

"Look, you're like, so… you know…"

"What? I don't know! Please enlighten me." She felt a flicker of annoyance, wishing that he could just say what he meant for once.

"Okay, well, you're like good, and you come from a nice family, and… it's just different, than what I'm used to, I guess. And I keep thinking that I'm going to go and like, screw things up, because I'm not like meeting your expectations, or whatever." He looked down at the ground then, and it was his turn to look frustrated.

"Tell me something," Angela said softly, so that his eyes met hers again. "Does this have anything to do with what Rayanne said to you the other night?"

"Did she say something to you?" he asked, a tiny bit surprised.

"I don't know why, but she decided to tell me that she said these awful things to you, that you weren't good enough for me and all this other crap, and we got in a big fight. It's weird fighting with someone you're not even talking to," she added as an afterthought.

"I actually wasn't really thinking about what she said, like I really wanted to see you the next day and everything, so that's why I came by…" he met her eyes and smiled, "but I guess seeing you and how normal you are and how nice your family was to me, it made me really feel kind of bad, you know?"

She nodded. She was slowly beginning to understand. "But don't like shut me out when you feel like that," she said, touching his arm and letting her hand linger on his arm. "I don't care if you like, need your space or whatever, just tell me so I don't think I've done something wrong."

"I'll try," he said, taking both her hands in his. "I've never wanted to do this before, but…" he paused, "when you were mad at me…"

"Yeah?" she urged him on, daring herself not to hope.

"My life pretty much sucked."

**Hope you enjoyed it! Please tell me what you think! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Alright, as promised, here is another update to tide you over for the weekend. More A&J fluff, which we all love. Enjoy! **

Chapter 10: Try

"Thanks for dinner," Angela said dreamily, because the idea of having dinner with Jordan Catalano, even though it was just at a diner across town, was like a milestone or something, especially in light of their recent hallway conversation. He was trying, like he'd said. She'd sat across from him in a booth and let him eat fries off her plate. There was a jukebox that played old corny songs from the 1950s and 60s. The place even had milkshakes in big soda fountain-type glasses. She had almost been too excited to eat, because she and Jordan were basically on _a real date_. It was a big deal.

"No sweat," he said easily, his hands on the steering wheel, a little smile for her. "The music wasn't really my thing, though. What do you feel like doing now?"

"I wish I was old enough to go out dancing…" she mused aloud.

"You have that fake ID I had made for you," he said tentatively, reminding her of that ridiculous night when he'd tried to kiss her for the first time and she'd rejected him. She smiled a little bit at the memory.

"That ID says that I was born the same year as now."

"What? It worked though, didn't it? At Pike Street?"

"I guess, yeah." She groaned inwardly, remembering that terrible night when she'd run out of the club while Buffalo Tom was playing onstage. She'd sort of repressed that memory until now.

"Hm, I'll have to let Tino know about the screwed-up dates," he said thoughtfully. "What is it?" he asked finally, noticing her silence and her pained facial expression.

"Oh nothing, just remembering that cringeworthy night, that's all…I'm still like, so embarrassed." She could feel the heat in her cheeks so she covered her face with her hands.

"Why would you be embarrassed?" he cast an amused glance at her. "I was the asshole, not you."

"At least you admit it now," she mumbled, her hands still covering her face, but she was sort of smiling now.

"Forgive me?" he asked sweetly, reaching out his right hand and laying it on her thigh, just above her knee. The spark generated between his hand and her leg almost made her jerk upright, and her breath caught a little in her throat.

"I'll think about it," she teased back. "Where are we going?" she asked, noticing that he was slowing the car down.

"Nowhere. I'm parking." She looked out and saw that they were in a sort of lookout point, which was surrounded by a clearing. They were pulling into a dirt parking lot, which was lined by a wide expanse of grass. Boulders marked the border between the parking lot and the adjacent grass. Behind them was a view of the city and its twinkling lights. It was just past twilight now, the darkness starting to settle in and the stars beginning to shine, mirroring the glowing lights of the city.

"Yeah but what are we doing here?" she wanted to know, her curiosity piqued. They weren't usually in this part of town and it didn't look like there was anyone else here.

In reply, he leaned over and brought his lips to hers.

"Ohhhhhh," she said very softly. "I see what we're doing." She brought her hands up into his hair, which was so silky and thick, it was also getting way too long. She wondered when he planned to cut it, although she didn't really care, he was hot either way. His tongue teased hers for a moment, then he moved over to her ear, down her neck, along her collarbone, each kiss like a tiny firecracker dancing over her skin.

"I love this song," Angela managed to say as the delicate opening strains of "Linger" by the Cranberries came on the radio. She almost felt like she was floating above her body, she felt so good right then. Jordan's hand slid down and grabbed hers, and she was surprised to find that he was pulling slightly away from her.

"Come on," he said, letting go of her hand momentarily to turn the volume of the radio up. He opened the car door and motioned at her to get out as well.

"Where are we going now?" she burst into laughter, watching him in bewilderment as he flicked on the headlights, illuminating the clearing before them. He circled over to her side of the car and opened the door for her, taking both her hands and leading her to the spotlighted patch of grass.

"You said you wanted to dance… and you like this song, right?" He sounded a bit shy in that moment.

"Oh my god, Jordan…" she beamed in delight as he put his arms around her so she could lay her head on his shoulder and they started to sway to the music.

_But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.  
>You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.<br>Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,  
>Do you have to let it linger?<em>

He surprised her again when he pulled away from her slightly, took her hand and twirled her slowly under the moonlight, the headlights from the car accentuating his features, the easy smile that played on his lips. Angela swore that in all her life, she had never been this happy and likely never would be again.

"Where did you learn to dance?" she asked breathlessly, as his right hand tightened around hers, he stretched his arm out and he twirled her towards him again.

"I don't remember…" he said, sounding almost a bit wistful. "Either one of my dad's girlfriends taught me, or maybe my mom did, I don't know."

Angela said nothing, realizing again how little she knew about his family because he never talked about them. She didn't want to pry, but part of her was so curious and wondered if he would ever open up to her.

"Jordan Catalano, why did you hide the fact that you could dance from me?" she asked moments later, as the mood lightened again. "And you never go to school dances," she said teasingly.

"It's not really a public thing I do, if you know what I mean."

He smiled down at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground as the song ended and another began. He carried her forward and set her on the hood of the car so her legs dangled off the edge.

"I can do this cuz you're not wearing jeans," he said.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna scratch your precious car," she laughed.

Their lips found each other's as he stepped between her legs and cradled her face gently in his hands.

'Well, I can officially die happy now,' Angela thought ecstatically, wishing that the night would never end and that Jordan Catalano would never stop kissing her like this. He was trying, like he said he would, and that was what mattered.

_You say you'll give me  
>Eyes in a moon of blindness<br>A river in a time of dryness  
>A harbour in the tempest<br>But all the promises we make  
>From the cradle to the grave<br>When all I want is you_

_You say you want  
>Your love to work out right<br>To last with me through the night_

_You say you want  
>Diamonds on a ring of gold<br>Your story to remain untold  
>Your love not to grow cold<em>

_All the promises we break  
>From the cradle to the grave<br>When all I want is you_

**Hope you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing this. Please read and review!**

**The songs here are: Linger by The Cranberries, released in 1993, and All I want is You by U2, originally released in 1989 and re-released in 1994. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, sorry for the lack of updates – I have been writing, but haven't been totally happy with what I've been producing. As I've mentioned before, I really like exploring Jordan's POV, although I am not ready to demystify him completely! Please read and review, I know some of you are reading this and I know it's not as fast-paced as some of the other stories, but I really want to know what you think! I don't own MSCL or any of the characters. **

Chapter 11: Changes?

Jordan thought that the walk home would have helped him sober up, but it didn't seem to do anything to stop the spinning in his head. He couldn't believe it wasn't Friday yet. Well, technically it was Friday now, but he still had a whole day of school to get through, hungover. He could probably sleep through History, but he didn't want to flunk English again and Shop and Phys Ed weren't that productive with a raging headache.

It just wasn't fair… all of these sexy, kinky girls were into him and all he wanted was pure little Angela Chase. It was the weirdest feeling ever, he thought for a moment that maybe he was coming down with something. He'd barely reacted tonight when that brunette took off her shirt and grabbed him and started dirty-dancing with him. He'd danced with her a bit, of course, since he was drunk and it felt sort of nice to dance with someone, but when she started grinding up against his crotch, he started to feel kind of sad. Normally that would have been his cue to do something that was expected of him, like take her to the bathroom or into the bushes outside, but something stopped him. He didn't really know what it was, but all of a sudden he didn't want to do anything with her anymore.

She was hot, he had to admit. She had curves in all the right places and she definitely put out. His friends were gonna laugh so hard at him for not going for it. Yet all he could think about were all the guys she'd probably done, and how he didn't want to share their sloppy seconds, or thirds, or tenths, or whatever. She was exactly like the type of girl who always hit on him – hot, dirty and desperate. They weren't desperate like they couldn't get anyone to do them, because that wasn't the problem – they were desperate like they always needed the attention. He was starting to get sick of it.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Catalano?" she'd snapped. "I thought for sure you were down. I'm freakin' hot, and you're being a pansy."

"So it doesn't even bother you that I don't know your name, and neither does the half of the football team that passed you around?" It was the first thing that came to his mind. It sounded pretty smart because he'd been drinking. He probably wouldn't have thought of it otherwise.

"Ugh, you are such a prick!" she shrieked. "You know my name, it's Cassie!"

"Whatever, this is turning you on," he said nonchalantly. Shane, who had been standing nearby, decided to make a move. Since they were best friends, there was always a friendly competition between them to see who could get the most girls. Jordan knew he had the looks, but Shane could make them laugh. If that didn't work, he could insult the hell out of them in ways that Jordan never could.

"Hey baby, this guy might be a dumbass," he said loudly, so Jordan could hear, putting his arm around her, "but I know a good time when I see it."

Cassie stared at them both in bewilderment, almost too shocked to be insulted. Finally, she seemed to snap to her senses.

"Screw off, both of you!" she growled, storming off.

"Slut!" Shane yelled at her retreating figure. He shrugged at Jordan, who was shaking his head at him. "What? I had nothing to lose."

"You are something else, man." They clinked their plastic cups of beer together.

"What's wrong with you tonight, Catalano? She clearly wanted you, and she was ready and willing. Why else do you think she got so mad?"

Jordan shrugged. "Too easy."

Shane grinned, knowingly. "You like a challenge now? You're a changed man?"

"Yeah, something like that." Jordan downed his beer and started to head over for another, but Shane grabbed his shoulder.

"Seriously? You're not getting any, and you just turned down a total hottie? What is happening to you?"

"Shane, you wouldn't get it," Jordan said, crumpling the empty plastic cup in his hand. "I'm not sure if I do, either," he muttered under his breath, turning away.

Shane wasn't letting him go easy tonight. "You like this girl, man. Like really like her. Like stare into her eyes and recite her poetry and wait til she's ready – like." He laughed and pulled a cigarette out from behind his ear.

Jordan turned to face him. "Don't you ever like, get bored with the way your life is going?"

"You think a girl is enough to change any of that?" Shane posed a question of his own, his words slightly distorted by the cigarette between his lips as he lit it.

"No… I don't know…" He didn't say that things already had started to change. "I just need something different, for once."

"You're looking for a challenge, man. She's not gonna give it up easily, and you know it." Shane followed him to the makeshift bar area, where they got new beers and he checked out all the girls in the loft.

"It's not like that, Shane, that's the weird thing. Of course when we do it, it's gonna be amazing, but—"

"What did you just say? _When _you do it?" Shane grabbed Jordan's shoulders incredulously, a mix of shock and sarcasm. "Are you actually planning to stick around until she's good and ready? Do you realize that could be like, _years_ from now?"

"Come on, Shane," Jordan smiled despite himself, half at his friend's outburst and half at imagining sex with Angela. "Let's hope for my sake it's not."

"I'll cheers to that!" Shane knocked his cup of beer against Jordan's. "To blue balls and the good girls who cause them!"

* * *

><p>It was around one-thirty when Jordan finally stumbled out of the loft. He'd had enough, and his friends were still going strong. Since meeting Angela, he was starting to see that it was strange that nobody cared that any of these kids were out late, drinking, getting high and messing around. For instance, there was no way in hell Graham and Patty would be allowing their precious daughter to run around with the likes of him at 2:00 am. Rayanne was going hard tonight as usual, something he'd never bothered to notice before - it was just a fact he normally took for granted. Did Angela really know what her ex best friend's life was really like? She sure didn't know about his, and he didn't want her to know. It was too depressing. She probably thought it was exciting or something, but it really wasn't, half the time.<p>

He thought about passing through her neighbourhood and climbing up the tree outside her window to see if she was up, but something told him that was stalkerish behaviour. The last thing he wanted was to seem like a creep watching her from a tree outside. It was something that Brain kid probably did all the time. What the hell was up with him, anyway? He pretended not to notice, but that kid watched her all the time, and he was always hanging around with a hungry look on his face.

Sometimes being labeled dumb meant that Jordan could observe things unnoticed. He didn't do it often, because it meant taking a closer look at his own problems, but he learned a lot about people that way. Like the time he'd noticed when Rickie got beat up, and he knew it wasn't because he'd walked into a door. Maybe he only noticed these things because he recognized them in his own life, just like with this Brain and Angela thing. He'd been unsure before – when Brain showed up with a letter all written for Angela, he'd taken it without asking any questions, but now, the more he thought about it, the more it bugged him. Obviously Brain had feelings for Angela too, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to write such a powerful letter that meant so much to her. Jordan didn't know what to do with that insight – did he really have to worry about a guy like that? Besides, according to Graf, Angela had had a huge crush on him for a long time. Still, he couldn't help but wonder…

Maybe Angela really was out of his league. Maybe she was just rebelling against her parents and everyone who'd known her before. A guy like Brain was dependable and smart. He was probably going to become a scientist or something and make lots of money, while Jordan would probably be stuck in high school forever. Guys like him became the guys who washed the sports cars of guys like Brain.

'I can't let that happen…' he thought desperately, as he pushed the front door open. As always, he steeled himself against what might be on the other side, but tonight, there was just the hum of the television in the living room. There was no loud music, no yelling, no police on the front steps. A before-bed joint seemed all the more appealing now that the house was quiet.

He crossed the room to switch off the television set. As he did, his eyes fell onto the couch and he noticed a small figure huddled in a corner of the couch. She was crying quietly, her hands covering her face.

"Maxine?" Jordan said warily. "I didn't see you there."

"Oh, hey Jordan," she struggled to keep her voice steady. "Out partying tonight?"

"Something like that," he said. "What are you doing down here by yourself?"

She moved her hands away from her face. Her makeup had been cried off, and her upper lip was swollen.

"What the hell?" Jordan looked more closely at her lip. "Did my old man do that to you?"

"Do you have any weed?" she asked suddenly.

He'd never smoked with her before, this was definitely a surreal ending to a strange night.

**More to come! I hope you liked it! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone, thanks for reading up to this point. This chapter was difficult for me to write because it's emotional and I struggled between it being too soon and it being the right time, but I think it was the right time. I hope you like it and feel somewhat satisfied. I actually feel quite proud of this chapter and have tried to get it just right. I don't own any of the characters.**

Chapter 12: Revelations

Jordan picked her up a little early for school that morning. He came inside for a cup of coffee, and Angela and her mother exchanged looks across the kitchen. He looked extremely tired – there were circles under his eyes, and his eyes were rimmed with red.

"Jordan, honey, are you okay?" Patti asked with concern in her voice. Graham had left early that morning to supervise the new baker he'd hired, and she felt a bit off-kilter without him there. She passed him the sugar bowl.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Or at least, I will be," he thanked her for the sugar and started adding it to his coffee.

"Well, if there's anything we can do…" Patty began tentatively. Angela opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. She knew her mother meant well, although it could be really annoying. She was smothering him or something, now that her dad was busy at the restaurant all the time.

"It's okay, Mrs. Chase," Jordan closed his eyes for a moment. "But thanks for offering," he added, and he gave her a small smile.

"Alright," Patty said, although she didn't look convinced. "I hope you know that you can talk to me anytime."

"I know," Jordan said, and she knew he meant it.

Out on the curb, Jordan opened the car door for her.

"What is up with you and my mom?" Angela rolled her eyes as he got into the driver's side.

"Listen, I didn't want to say anything in there, but can you come with me somewhere today?" he reached over and put his hand on the side of her face. They looked at each other for a moment, and she felt her heart melt at his suddenly shy expression.

"Where? Is it a surprise?" she reached over and brushed the hair out of his face. He had just gotten a trim, but it was still scruffy and past his ears. It was pretty adorable, she thought to herself with a smile.

"It's important to me, and it would mean a lot… if you came," he said quietly, taking her hand. "So will you?"

Angela thought quickly for a moment. "Yeah, I can come, but I have to be back before afternoon classes start. Will that work?"

"Yeah, I was just going to take the morning off. We have English this afternoon and I kinda want to pass this semester." He kissed her forehead, then her cheek. "I'll make sure we're back in time."

"Sounds good." She felt so happy she was almost giddy, but she didn't want to show it. Jordan seemed so… subdued this morning, and she knew it wasn't because he'd been up too late or had too much to drink the night before, it seemed to come from within, somehow. She was still learning so much about him, yet she could sense that this was something major – the way he seemed so shy, yet there was something determined about him too.

"So is there anything we need to do or pick up before we go?" she asked.

"No, I've got everything I need," he said, looking at her meaningfully. He started the car, then reached for her hand.

* * *

><p>They drove for what felt like a long time, close to an hour. Jordan didn't have a lot to say, but he kept holding her hand. Angela tried to be patient and it was nice – she was enjoying this time with him. It was the first time they'd driven together for such a long period of time, and she allowed herself to fantasize what it would be like to go on a road trip together. Would he appreciate the silly road games she knew? Would they fight over the radio station or would he get annoyed with the way she sang along to songs on the radio? Would he stop for candy at gas station convenience stores at the side of the highway?<p>

Finally, he took an exit off the highway and they drove through an area that looked much older than the suburbs of Three Rivers. There were limestone rooftops and old brick buildings. Angela could practically picture the horse-drawn carriages rolling along the old cobblestoned streets.

"I lived here for a little while," Jordan said, pointing out the window at the city landscape. "I can't remember the house exactly – it was a long time ago."

"Really?" Angela's curiosity was piqued instantly. "So you're not from Three Rivers… I didn't think so."

"Nope," he said. "I was born in New York, I think." Angela thought it was a little odd that he wasn't sure, but she didn't push the issue. Her parents alluded to the events surrounding her conception all the time, to the point where it made her sick. She didn't want to picture them having sex, but they insisted on reminding her of how happy they were about her arrival.

"I wasn't born like anywhere interesting. My mom was already working for her dad when I was born, so they've always lived here."

"Yeah, I thought so," Jordan nodded. "We're almost there," he added, a moment later.

They had driven through the city and onto a back road into what looked like the beginning of countryside. There were wide expanses of field on either side of the road. By this point, Angela really didn't know what to expect anymore, although it was a nice day for a drive, yet Jordan's mood sort of baffled her. He was quiet, which was nothing new, but his mood was pretty… somber, or something. She didn't think he was sad, but she couldn't tell, exactly.

Angela saw the open gates and the sign "Silver Springs" from down the road, and she suddenly knew that it was their destination.

"Jordan, this is…"

"Yeah." A muscle twitched in his cheek. "It doesn't freak you out, does it?" he asked. "I should've said something before, but…"

"It's fine," Angela reassured him. He parked the car and they got out, winding their way through the graves, Angela following him wordlessly. She read some of the names on the headstones as they walked by, wishing she had some flowers. The air was still and quiet, small green leaves adorning the trees where no birds sang.

Jordan stopped walking and Angela came to a stop beside him. She actually didn't know how she felt about being inside a cemetery or about death in general, but it seemed so tranquil here. For a moment, she was unsure of what she was looking at, but she took in the fact that the grass below their feet had grown over some time ago, and read the headstone in front of them:

_Jonathan Durant _

_1975-1985_

_Beloved brother_

_You will never be forgotten_

"Hey Jonny, happy birthday," Jordan said, bending down and wiping some dirt off the headstone. "I want you to meet someone… this is Angela." He held his hand out so she could take it and step closer. "Angela, this is my brother, Jonny."

Angela felt the tears rise to her eyes as comprehension dawned on her. "Hi Jonny," she managed to say around the lump in her throat. She turned to Jordan, "I had no idea… I'm so sorry." She felt a tear trickle down her cheek and she brushed it roughly away. She noticed how tightly he was holding her hand.

"He would've been twenty today," Jordan said softly. "For the longest time, he didn't have a proper headstone. So I saved up until I could afford one. It didn't happen until this year, which is sorta ironic, since it's like the ten-year anniversary…"

"Oh Jordan, it's perfect," Angela said. She wished she could say or do something – the pain of losing a sibling must have been horrible, and she hoped, feeling selfish, that she would never experience the same thing. And why didn't he have a headstone for all this time? Didn't anyone else care that he was here?

"I think that I have a lot to tell you since last year," Jordan was saying, letting go of her hand so he could squat down closer to the earth. "I wish you'd been here for it."

"I'll leave you guys alone," she said, feeling like an intruder. It wasn't awkward exactly, but she knew that if the roles were reversed, she would want to be alone for a while. Jordan nodded, but he smiled appreciatively.

"You can go sit in the car," he said, handing her the keys. "Thanks for coming with me. This isn't too intense, right?"

"Not at all," she smiled back, bending down to kiss his cheek.

_And I thought that I was getting to know him when I found out he couldn't read. _

* * *

><p>Angela didn't realize that she was starting to doze off until Jordan tapped on the car window. She sat up with a start.<p>

"Oh, sorry!" she mouthed at him through the glass, reaching over to unlock the door on the driver's side. He got in wordlessly and closed his eyes.

_I wonder… when he does that, how often is he thinking of him, remembering him? _

"He used to look out for me," Jordan said finally, opening his eyes. "When we were really little and my mom was still around, she used to leave us home alone…" He looked down and started fidgeting with a loose thread on his sleeve. "Jonny would stay home from school because he didn't want to leave me by myself. The school would send people to come check out the house, and he would always lie to them, say that our mom was sick and things were fine, so we could stay together." He looked back at Angela, his eyes bright. "The way I grew up..." he stopped, shaking his head, making the decision to leave it there. Once again, he leaned back into the seat, eyes closed.

"What happened?" Angela asked, not wanting to ask yet somehow she needed to know. She took his hand and kissed his knuckles, not sure if he would pull away. Jordan was silent for a moment.

"Drunk driver," he said bluntly at last. "Should've been me." He broke away from her and rummaged through his pockets. He opened the car door, stepping outside again. He seemed flustered as he cupped his hands around the cigarette between his lips. Angela followed him outside, and she thought she saw the cigarette shaking as he lit it.

"Wait – what do you mean?" she asked, feeling a mix of curiosity and dread.

He took a couple of drags on his cigarette and leaned back against the side of the car.

"I was just a stupid kid, I never looked where I was going. My brother saw the car coming and pushed me out of the way. It all happened so fast, I didn't even know what was going on." He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. "It's weird how things happen, like one minute he was right beside me, and the next minute he just wasn't. And that was it."

"Jordan, that's awful…" She couldn't think of anything else to say, so she just put her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. A moment later, she felt him relax into her, his cheek against her hair.

"This is gonna sound really messed-up and like ungrateful… but the part that sucks the most is that he did that for me, but I never asked him to. I never asked him to do anything, but he just… did. I mean, why did he have to do those things?"

"He loved you, that's why," she murmured, her voice shaky. She felt her heart breaking for this boy, who held onto all this guilt and all this sadness.

"When he died, I didn't talk… for almost a year. The teachers left me alone, they knew me as the kid with the dead brother. So nobody noticed that I couldn't read good – well - and then I just stopped trying." He paused, collecting his thoughts.

"Thanks for bringing me to meet your brother," Angela said, pulling away so she could look into his eyes. "It meant a lot, that you wanted to show me this part of you."

"I just… don't want you to think it's always like, something you did wrong, or whatever." He looked back into her eyes, brushed the hair away from her face. "Sometimes it's just… me."

_So this is partly why… he is the way he is. _

**Note: The town they drive through is loosely based on Lancaster, PA, which I realize is more like 4 hours away from Pittsburgh, as opposed to 1, but I wanted the old limestone and brick architecture. The cemetery is also a real cemetery in Lancaster. **

**So there you have it, part of Jordan Catalano's past - but that is not everything there is to know! (Of course.) More to come. Thanks for reading. **_  
><em>


	13. Chapter 13

**This is sort of an in-between chapter, but I have more that will be posted soon! I am sort of excited about what will happen. I own nothing. **

Chapter 13: Rules

Brian walked into the tutoring room after school and spotted Jordan seated at a desk, tapping a pencil restlessly on the desktop.

"Hi," he said, coming over beside the desk.

"Oh, hey Brain," Jordan put the pencil down, only to pick it up again.

"So did you do that reading assignment I gave you last time?" Brian asked, referring to a set of reading comprehension exercises.

"Yeah, most of it…" Jordan opened a textbook and pulled a few pieces of folded-up lined paper from it. Every time this happened, Brian couldn't help but feel surprised. Then he would wonder if he was mean for thinking that way. "It wasn't too bad. I understand stuff, it's just getting the words to come together."

"It all kind of goes hand-in-hand, the reading and the comprehension… Uh, any questions before we go over it?" he asked, sliding into a desk across from Jordan. He noticed the haircut, and wondered how Angela felt about that. Why was he still thinking of Angela?

"Do you ever feel like… you don't deserve to be happy?" Jordan asked suddenly, as if taking Brian's question a bit too literally.

"What?" Brian let out a small nervous laugh, caught off-guard.

"Like you'll catch yourself in a second where you're like, happy, and then you can't believe it's actually happening and you start expecting it to end?"

"Sounds like dysfunctional thinking to me," Brian replied, as if on autopilot. Not surprisingly, he was met with a blank stare. "Sorry, that's my mom taking over my head. See, she thinks that if like, you think of something in a negative way, you'll start feeling that way, so really, you're blowing your own chance at happiness."

"But you _can_ feel things without thinking," Jordan said. "At least, it seems that way to me."

"Yeah, me too," Brian agreed, taking out a pen and starting to look at Jordan's assignment.

"I bet your mom would find all kinds of messed-up stuff if she tried to look inside my head," Jordan mused, laughing a bit.

"Well like, she sees patients on a sliding scale, so you pay her whatever you can afford, and she works with teenagers a lot," Brian spoke without thinking again. "Sorry, that's weird. Forget I said it."

"Do you think someone like your mom could help me?" Jordan asked, not appearing at all offended at Brian's inadvertent suggestion.

"What do you mean? Why would you need help?" He hadn't meant for it to come out that way, like "why would _you_ need help?" but he really seemed to be on autopilot today, lost in his own thoughts.

Jordan shrugged. "I don't know. You know what I mean. I can't ever like, say the things I want to say. And it's not a low-literacy thing, it's a communication thing."

"You don't seem to have any problems in that department as far as I can tell. I mean, you can talk to anyone you want." Brian was still thinking of how easily Jordan got that girl's phone number and how he should call her but he hadn't been able to work up the nerve to do it. She'd probably moved on and lost interest by now anyway.

"Yeah, but not when it counts!" he pushed the hair back from his eyes. "Like I can't talk to Angela about the way I grew up, and that kind of stuff. She's always got this look in her eyes like she wants to know more about me, and I can't do it."

"Well maybe it's because you don't want to think about it yourself," Brian offered, and Jordan nodded. "I read something about how our brains can't tell the difference between the past and the present when we're remembering something that happened to us."

"So remembering it will bring back the same feelings and everything?" Jordan asked, and it was Brian's turn to nod. "That's why I need someone like your mom. So I can sort this shit out… maybe."

"That's a pretty mature decision," Brian said, and meant it.

"Yeah, but I'm still thinking about it, so don't like, tell anyone, okay?"

"Okay… Well, as long as we're like sharing confidential information, I should tell you something too then. It might affect our tutoring arrangement." Brian opened the phonics manual to the next chapter, trying to avoid Jordan's curious expression.

"Well?"

"I'm probably gonna be working extra hard over the next semester, and through the summer too. Like actually doing extra work and stuff."

"Why?"

"I'm thinking of graduating early," Brian said, and it didn't sound like such a big deal when he finally said it out loud. "I can get a head start on university and get out of my parents' house." _And maybe finally even get a life._

"That's great, except…"

"Except what?" This conversation was starting to become too surreal for Brian's liking.

"Just make sure you're doing it for you, and not because you're trying to like, get away from something." For a moment, he was stunned that those words had come out of Jordan's mouth. He obviously knew, about his feelings for Angela… and for a split second a cold prickle of fear ran down his spine. What if Jordan was the jealous type? But wait… he'd probably known for a while, and he hadn't done anything, Brian rationalized.

"I'll be honest, I would like to get out of here, start over."

Jordan nodded. "I've thought about that so many times, but I wanna graduate first."

"I don't think Angela would be too happy if you left," Brian found himself saying.

"Maybe she'll want to leave with me. I'll probably graduate with her anyway…" Jordan had a little smile on his face as he thought aloud.

"Angela's probably gonna go off to university somewhere," Brian said tentatively, hating to waken Jordan from his reverie.

"That's true," Jordan folded his arms on the desk and laid his chin on them. "Not that I would stop her, if that's what she wants to do. Then she'll probably go and forget about me…"

Brian didn't know if this were true or not, but he didn't have anything comforting or useful to say anymore. Why should he lie to Jordan and make him feel better? What did he owe him?

"She's not gonna forget about you if you keep showing her that you care about her," Brian said with a sigh.

_What is wrong with me? _

"I guess… I took her to see something pretty major a few days ago, and she's been so happy ever since. I need to keep doing that, but it's tough. I'm like, so drained afterwards."

"It's tough to let your guard down. It helps if you talk to her about it," Brian said, not believing his own words. If only it could be so simple. If only he could do the things he instructed others to do, but since when had life come with instructions?

"Okay, might as well get to work," Jordan said, picking up his pencil again. "If we're both gonna graduate, we have to deal with whatever's in our way."

Brian wasn't sure if Jordan really grasped the significance of what he'd just said, but it made him respect the other guy just a little bit more. Maybe he wasn't that dumb, maybe he was just hiding behind a lot of defense mechanisms. He wouldn't be the only one…

"Alright, see that sentence you wrote there? It's a run-on sentence…" They settled back into their routine, and Brian was grateful to be back in familiar territory, where there were rules and predictable outcomes. Would college be more like this, or would he be destined to another four years and potentially a lifetime of confusion, as someone who didn't understand the rules of life?

**That's it for now. Stay tuned. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Things are going to get a bit more interesting... I own nothing.**

Chapter 14: New Decisions

"I can't believe I'm here," Jordan whispered, smiling conspiratorially at her.

"I know. Danielle has track and field today but we can't stay up here long." She glanced nervously at her closed bedroom door.

"Well, let's make the most of it," he joked, not entirely, pretending to take off his pants.

"Stop it!" she giggled. "I still have to look presentable when you drop me off at the school later… are you sure you don't want to come?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and gazed into his eyes, hoping to charm him into coming to the play.

He shrugged, placing his hand on the side of her face and tracing her lips with his finger, his eyelashes lowered.

"What's this play about?"

She almost couldn't think now, she wanted so badly for him to kiss her yet part of her was so paranoid that Danielle or her mom would somehow burst in unexpectedly, though they weren't due back until about six.

"Well, it's about people who come back to the town where they grew up but they're dead, so it's like their spirits." As soon as she said the words, she sort of regretted them, unsure if they hit a little too close to home.

"You mean like ghosts or something?" he shifted his hands around her waist so they were just grazing her lower back.

"Not exactly, but sort of, I guess," she responded, not caring about what she was saying anymore.

"I don't know," he began, leaning in for a kiss.

"What don't you know?" she asked dreamily, wrapping her arms around his waist and under his shirt to the smooth skin beneath.

"This feels good," he said, smiling at her.

It was her turn to kiss him – he was right, they didn't have a lot of time so why were they wasting it by talking about stuff that wasn't important? She could feel him moving her hands to the front of his body, to the taut muscles of his stomach, then up to his chest, where his heart beat excitedly under her fingers.

"This is sort of getting in the way," he pulled away breathlessly and pulled his shirt over his head.

_Oh my god…_

She took in the sight of his upper body, at the broad shoulders and the lean muscles of his arms, chest and stomach. He gave her a cocky grin and pulled her towards him. "Your turn…"

She felt herself blush. She had never taken her clothes off in front of a boy and here she was with _him _and she didn't know what to do.

"Angela, you know I was kidding, right?" he cupped her chin in his hand so she could look into his eyes.

"I want to and everything," she began, "but it's like… daylight outside…"

"Well, what if I do this?" he reached over and pulled the curtains shut in one swift motion. She smiled at his earnestness. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he flopped onto her bed, pulling her down with him.

"Really?" she asked shyly, tucking her hair behind her ears. No one had ever said that before, other than her parents.

"Come on, I'm just happy to be here, forget I said anything," he pulled her down for another kiss, his tongue gently exploring her mouth. As he moved his lips down her neck, she felt something stir inside of her and suddenly she wanted his hands all over her. They were lying on her bed, her hands all over the smooth skin of his upper body and she wondered what it would be like to feel his skin against hers.

Jordan's eyes nearly popped out of his head as she reached for the bottom cuff of her sweater and started to tug it off.

"Are you sure you want to?" he asked, laying his hand on hers, stopping her for a moment.

"Yeah, I want to know what your skin feels like on mine," she said, pulling at the sweater once more.

"That is like… the sexiest thing I've ever heard," he said, his eyes on her.

She was glad that she'd put on a proper bra today and it was actually a cute one, with little flowers and a tiny bow in the center. She smiled as she thought about how she would have to consider her lingerie choices more carefully from now on. It was a whole new set of decisions to make in the morning.

Jordan couldn't take his eyes off of her as she made her way back over to him.

"Wow," was all he could say.

She laid down next to him and they put their arms around each other. His skin was warm and delicious against hers. He kissed her mouth, then the exposed skin around her bra, teasing her with his lips around her collarbone, then along her upper chest, then finally down between her breasts. Boldly, he slipped a hand under her bra and she gasped as she felt her nipple tighten, then the other one. She bit back a small moan of pleasure as he moved back up to her mouth and she lost herself in his kiss, aware that his heart was beating against hers with nothing between them. Their legs were tangled together and she could feel his hardness against her thigh.

"I'm going to lose control," he breathed, his arms around her, his face in her neck. "I want you so bad, but I'm not going to pressure you…"

She didn't know how to respond, but the intensity between them made her breathless. She thought she felt ready to take off more of her clothes, but she didn't know anymore if she'd just gotten swept up in the moment or what.

"Do you want to stop?" she whispered.

"No," he whispered back, "but we probably should or it's gonna really hurt." He gently untangled himself from her, running his hands through his hair. She didn't know what he meant by that, she would have to ask Sharon about this later. She suddenly missed Rayanne in that moment, she would know for sure what he meant and she wouldn't find it strange or awkward to explain it either. She passed his shirt back to him and slipped her sweater back on.

"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" she asked shyly.

He groaned lightly and ruffled her hair. "The problem is that you did everything right." He shook his head. "I have to hold back around you," he said, kissing her once. "I don't want to like, be an asshole again."

"Uh, that's good. I'm just…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

_Confused. What just happened there? Was my body telling me I was more ready than my brain felt? _

"Um, can we watch cartoons or something?" he asked, taking her hand. "Something unsexy so I can stop thinking about - you know…"

Danielle walked in on them watching cartoons and eating a plate of cold cuts.

"Were you guys in your room making out?" she asked instead of saying hello.

"Danielle!" Angela exclaimed, feeling her cheeks burn. Her sister could be so damn perceptive sometimes, it was uncanny. Beside her, Jordan seemed to be holding back laughter.

"What?" her sister feigned innocence. "Isn't that what teenagers looooove to do?" she turned her back to them, crossed her arms and ran her hands up and down her back, miming a makeout session with kissing noises and everything.

"Oh my god, ignore her please," Angela groaned, covering her face with her hands. Jordan seemed to find this situation endlessly amusing.

"Hey, you're pretty funny," he addressed Danielle.

"I know, but no one else ever seems to notice!" she shot back, heading off towards the kitchen in search of food.

"Mom's bringing a pizza," Angela called.

"Ooh yum." Danielle reappeared and flopped down on the loveseat. "Hot date tonight?" she looked at the two of them with renewed disdain.

"Nope, I'm going to the opening of _Our Town _and Jordan's going to band practice, or something." She glanced over at him and smiled, feeling like they had an inside joke or something.

"Yeah, something like that," he said.

"You're in a band?" Danielle asked.

Jordan nodded. "I guess so, yeah."

"Are you guys good? Any record deals?" she wanted to know.

"Danielle, stop interrogating Jordan," Angela said.

"We're okay," Jordan said, "but we need to practice more to get good."

"You mean like with kissing?" Danielle raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Danielle, quit it!" Angela yelled.

"What is going on here?" Patti asked, entering through the front door and tossing her keys onto the hall table. She was holding a pizza box.

"Hi Mom!" Danielle called in an angelic voice. "Jordan's here and we're watching cartoons!"

"Hello, everyone," Patti said, walking into the living room and looking at them all expectantly.

"Hi," Angela and Jordan said in unison.

"What kind of pizza did you get?" Angela asked, standing up and trying to peek into the pizza box. She really hoped her mom wouldn't get upset that Jordan was over. She would surely know that they'd been here unsupervised for at least a couple of hours.

"I got deluxe, honey, I hope that's okay," Patti said, sighing a bit and letting her take the box. "What time did you two get here?"

"Around four," Jordan answered for both of them.

"Jordan's giving me a ride to the opening night of _Our Town_," Angela said quickly. "He's just dropping me off and we were just hanging out a bit before that…"

"Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?" her mother asked, although it was clear from her tone that it wasn't a question. "Go ahead and start eating, you two," she addressed Danielle and Jordan. "Angela will bring plates when she comes back."

"What's up?" Angela asked her mother when they were alone in the kitchen, although she had a pretty good idea of what Patti wanted to discuss.

"Angela, I hope this was the first time you two were spending time alone here," Patti began. "I know Jordan cares about you, but…"

"We weren't doing anything!" Angela insisted, feeling her temper starting to rise despite her best efforts to remain calm.

"Angela, I remember what it's like, okay?" Patti took a breath. "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, I just want you to be careful. I hope you can talk to me-"

"Mom! Nothing is happening!" Angela sighed. "We're taking it slow."

"Good," Patti said, visibly relieved. "I know you're a good girl. I just want you to be able to come to me if you have questions or concerns."

"Okay," Angela said irritably.

"And I'm not going to say not to come here, because I would rather you be here than off in some parking lot, but I want you to use your common sense. So I don't want to find out that you've been skipping class with him or that your grades are slipping, got it?"

"Got it," Angela repeated. She was actually pretty relieved her mom didn't go all-out and forbid her to hang out with him or something.

"Oh and one more thing," Patti reached into her pocketbook and pulled out a few bills. "I want you to get Rayanne some flowers from me and your dad, to congratulate her for the play. I don't know if we'll be able to make it this time."

"Really?" Angela asked, feeling surprised and a bit guilty, although she wasn't sure why. "Where is Dad anyway?"

"Oh the restaurant opening is keeping him busy. Starting a business is always hectic at first," her mother said off-handedly. "Look, I know you and Rayanne haven't been talking, but I know she's sorry and I know she cares about you. And I think this play is a good thing for her, you know, to channel that energy in a more positive way."

"Okay, I guess I can stop and pick up some flowers." Angela still didn't ask what her mom knew about the situation, but she knew that Jordan had spoken to her, and maybe Rayanne had even said something to her. Everyone seemed to be able to talk to her mom but her these days.

"Thank you. Oh, and take these plates out to Danielle and Jordan." Patti opened the cupboard and took out three plates. "I'll bring some juice out in a minute."

Angela knew that she'd been dismissed, and she left the kitchen quietly, lost in her thoughts.

_Everyone seems to be able to confide in my mom. And she was actually pretty cool about Jordan and me coming to the house. Is my mom… cool? It can't be. _

Out in the living room, she found Jordan and Danielle engaged in some kind of debate about Spiderman versus Batman. She sat down next to Jordan on the couch and thoughtfully stroked his hair.

"Is everything cool?" he asked in between pieces of pizza.

"Yeah… surprisingly," Angela said. "My mom wants us to stop and pick up some flowers for Rayanne on the way."

"Are you two still on the outs?" Jordan asked quietly, aware that Danielle was listening.

"I guess," Angela said. "Maybe it's time to stop holding a grudge, I know it meant nothing…"

"Nothing at all," Jordan whispered, putting his arm around her. He gazed at her in a way that made her feel as though she were the only girl in the world.

"Stop that," she said, ducking her head away, feeling her cheeks flush. There was just too much intensity and intimacy in his eyes right then, she couldn't handle it. It reminded her of how she'd felt up in her bedroom earlier, and she didn't want to think about it with her little sister sitting right there on the loveseat beside them.

"I brought some fruit punch," Patti announced, interrupting the moment. "You two should probably get going if you want to make it to the school on time."

"Okay, thanks Mom," Angela said, aware that she was thanking her mom for more than just the juice.

**What did you think? I have a few more chapters written so will post again soon, hopefully. **


	15. Chapter 15

****Hi everyone, I will admit that I have been holding out on you. I've got a few more chapters of this story written, but I have also been working on more A&J in the future stuff, which I love just as much as everyone else. Don't worry, it's not over between them in the future (or the "present"). Anyway, as usual, I own nothing and if you like what you read (or if you don't) feel free to drop me a line and a big thank-you to my supporters. I have noticed that there is a lack of people reviewing/posting these days (although I love seeing new stories/updates and try to review whenever possible) and I think that's too bad - we can do better at keeping this show alive, can't we?****

Chapter 15: Opening Night

Rayanne slammed the door of Tino's smoky car and headed towards the apartment. He took off with a squeal of tires, irritated because she'd refused to smoke a joint with him after school today. Tonight was the opening night of _Our Town_ and even she knew better than to get stoned – not only would Rickie and Katimsky kill her if she spaced out and forgot her lines, she was also tired of looking like a fool in front of people. She would never forget that disastrous night at Vertigo and the temporary case of stage fright she'd had – so out of character for her!

Plus Amber was coming to watch her tonight. It was the only night she could get out of seeing her stupid boyfriend Rusty. Obviously a dumbass like him wouldn't understand or appreciate a production like _Our Town_, although Rayanne had to admit that before she became friends with Angela and had a taste of her world, she wouldn't have thought twice about being in a play like that either.

Angela… Rayanne unlocked the front door of the apartment with a sigh. Would she never stop pining away for that girl like she was some kind of lost lover? Maybe she was becoming a lesbian or something, it was so weird the way she kept thinking about her and missing her. Yet if she were a lesbian, she sure seemed to like guys… It was weird how she'd lived so many years without knowing the girl existed, and after just five short months, she all but occupied her whole inner world. The truth was that besides Rickie, Rayanne had never really become close to anyone. Other girls were usually wary of her, writing her off as a slut or a ditz. And guys, well, they were only good for one thing…

Take Tino, for instance. Rayanne had gotten involved with him at first because it seemed totally simple. They were friends with a lot of the same people so they were always at the same parties, and he threw a lot of those parties. It also didn't hurt that he was as sexy as the devil and he was hooked up with everybody. But things were weird between them now. She didn't know if she was supposed to mind that he fooled around with other girls and he certainly wasn't the jealous type, but there _was_ something a bit… disrespectful about them getting with other people at the same party, so she didn't do it unless she was blindingly drunk. Plus lately she was starting to feel like she was obligated to him, as if she were bartering him for favours. He had started to become more unreliable of late, and his temper was worse, particularly if she didn't give him what he wanted. She knew that she wasn't technically "with" him so she was tempted to end their arrangement, or whatever it was. However, she also knew then it would mean that she was no longer "special". He wouldn't be bringing her Chinese food at lunch or getting her alcohol or driving her around. As long as she was underage, without a driver's license and living in this stinking suburb, he was sort of like her ticket to freedom. It was pathetic but she tried not to think about it too much.

She just had to learn to say no, every once in a while. She'd made plenty of bad decisions, but it was starting to become pretty clear that sleeping with Jordan Catalano was probably the worst of them all. Angela wouldn't speak to her, she was acting like a complete fool trying to get her attention, Tino was miffed at her and to top it off, it hadn't even been memorable. Backseat car action was never any good and she just looked like a slut because of it. In fact, she'd been so drunk that the whole thing was just a blur. She wanted to stop drinking and making dumb decisions, but the whole Angela-forgiving-Jordan thing and leaving her in the cold had been so upsetting, she found herself partying harder. It made the days go by faster and it made her less aware of how alone she felt.

Rayanne washed her face until there wasn't a trace of makeup left. She hoped that she could still pull off looking sweet and innocent, and that people wouldn't think "tramp" when they saw her onstage as Emily. Mostly, she cared what her mother thought, and in case Angela happened to be watching, she cared about her opinion as well. She pulled the braids out of her hair and applied only the slightest amount of makeup, so her face wouldn't look washed out under the stage lights.

The buzzer went off and Rayanne darted over to the intercom.

"Yo, who is it?" she called, thinking that maybe Tino had changed his mind and wanted to come upstairs for a quickie or something.

"It's Sharon… Cherski."

"Come on up," Rayanne buzzed her in, hiding the surprise from her voice. "This is interesting," she said to herself. Sure, they had become a lot friendlier recently, especially since Sharon was the only one who hadn't judged her harshly for the Jordan Catalano indiscretion, but they didn't hang out outside of school, unless volunteering together once for the helpline counted. Rayanne was too busy getting drunk or rehearsing for the play, and Sharon was doing whatever school spirit/student council thing she normally did, which probably still included Kyle Vinnovich.

"Hey," Rayanne opened the door for Sharon. "What's new? Still doing Vinnovich?"

"Shut up," Sharon had an exasperated yet sheepish look on her face. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah okay," Rayanne opened the door wider so Sharon could walk by her. "What brings you by?"

"Sorry to just like, barge in on you on Opening Night, but I had a question…"

"I'm your woman. Shoot," Rayanne offered.

Sharon turned towards the door. "Maybe now isn't a good time. I can ask you after the play…"

"Cherski, turn around. Obviously you wouldn't have come all this way if it weren't somewhat important."

"Fine, you're right." Sharon put her hands on her hips and turned to face Rayanne again. "So…" she took a deep breath, "like, how accurate are pregnancy tests?"

"Whoa," Rayanne couldn't help but say.

"Yeah, I know," Sharon rolled her eyes. "Stupid, right?"

"So stupid," Rayanne deadpanned. "Just kidding. It can happen," she said quickly when she saw Sharon's crestfallen expression. "Did you actually take a test?"

"Yeah, I took one today. I'm over a week late." Sharon was starting to look worried, as the actual implications started to dawn on her.

"And it was positive?" Rayanne headed towards the kitchen, suddenly realizing that she was inexplicably hungry in this very moment. She started to look through the almost-empty fridge.

"I think so… it was sort of hard to tell, that's the problem," Sharon said, flustered.

"What did it look like? Did you keep it?" Rayanne asked, locating some cold pig-in-a-blanket hors d'oeuvres. She offered one to Sharon, who naturally refused. Rayanne couldn't help but chuckle at the irony.

"What? Gross, no! I peed on it." Sharon's nose wrinkled in disgust.

"Well do you have another one?" Rayanne asked, praising herself for being so pragmatic.

"See, that's the thing…" Sharon began, "I was hoping you could help me out…"

"Sure, I'm almost _positive_ my mom has a few lying around," Rayanne couldn't help but joke.

"Like for real?" The joke seemed to be lost on her.

"I don't know," she admitted, "but probably… you've come to the right place at any rate. If we can't find one, I can run out and buy you one. Hell, it won't be my first," she winked at Sharon and steered her towards her mother's bathroom. Sharon, visibly relieved, followed her.

* * *

><p>"Well?" Rayanne knocked on the bathroom door sometime later. "Are you gonna be a mommy?" She'd run to the corner store when it turned out that Amber didn't have a ready supply of home pregnancy tests. She had to admit it felt much better not being the one who needed it. Amber's greatest move as a parent was probably when she insisted that her daughter start the Pill at age thirteen, and the supply of condoms she kept around the house made it easier too. Rayanne didn't envy the girls who couldn't be open about sex – she may have been promiscuous, but she didn't have weird hang-ups and she certainly knew her options.<p>

The bathroom door opened a moment later. Sharon's eyes were rimmed with red.

"I am such a moron," she sighed.

"I take it that it's positive?" Rayanne asked.

"Here, I kept it this time," Sharon said weakly, showing the applicator to Rayanne. There were two little blue lines. "No doubt this time."

"Woo-hoo, Cherski's knocked up!" Rayanne threw her hands in the air.

"Ugh Rayanne, this is so not funny," Sharon sniffled, starting to cry again. "My life is ruined! My parents are gonna kill me!"

"It's not the end of the world," Rayanne put her hands on the other girl's shoulders. "You have options." She felt like the character in an after-school special, only it was weird to be the one giving advice. She was normally the train-wreck, and she didn't know if she liked being the "responsible" one, for once. Especially when the one in trouble was a good-girl like Cherski. This was comparable to Angela being in trouble, basically beyond her comprehension.

"By 'options' you mean the big three, right? Like abortion, adoption, and keeping it?" Sharon managed to ask through her sobs.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Rayanne looked around frantically for a tissue, and settled for a roll of toilet paper.

"I really need to think about this," Sharon blew her nose. "Oh my god, I am such a mess. And you still have to get to the play tonight."

"Hey, you've been a welcome distraction," Rayanne admitted. "I probably would've been nervous if you hadn't stopped by with your um, even bigger problems." She grinned at Sharon. "Isn't this even a little bit exciting, like having a huge dilemma to figure out? This is like your big loss of innocence!"

"You're so weird," Sharon said, a bit fondly. "This is horrible. I don't know what to do, I'm just shocked."

"You gonna tell Vinnovich?"

"I don't know. He'll probably want to like marry me and keep the baby or something," she made a gagging expression. They briefly giggled together. "And what is Angela gonna think? I thought she'd have a heart attack when I told her I was having sex!"

"She hates me, so who knows," Rayanne said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Oh, she doesn't hate you, even if she tries to act like it. She's just really sensitive. She needs time to analyze everything… And maybe she needs to have sex with him to get over it," Sharon smiled ruefully, "although I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to wait, especially once she finds out about me."

"It'll be okay, Cherski," Rayanne said, her expression growing pensive. She was thinking about what the other girl had just said about Angela. Was it true? She was, after all, Angela's oldest friend.

"I hope so," Sharon sighed.

"Do I get to be a god-mother if you keep it?" Rayanne asked, brightening again.

"Rayanne!"

* * *

><p>"Okay, pep talk everyone!" Mr. Katimsky called backstage. The crowd of excited students quieted down to listen. "Alright, so this is it! We have…" he glanced at the clock on the wall, "five minutes before the curtain rises on <em>Our Town. <em>I am so proud of all of you for your hard work. The wrap party will be on Saturday at Louie's, and video taping will take place tomorrow night. So anyway, as Shakespeare said, 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players', so make this stage yours tonight!" There were claps and a few cheers. "Okay, places everyone!"

Rayanne took her position in the wings. She sort of wished she'd had a drink tonight, she missed the burning in her veins, but she didn't want to lose her edge. The character of Emily had to be just slightly out-of-focus but razor-sharp at the same time, and alcohol would just make her dull. She felt a slight shiver of anticipation as the curtain rose and Rickie walked out onstage. This feeling of excitement mixed with fear was the ultimate adrenaline rush. Maybe if she did this more often, she would never need another drink again.

'Crazier things have happened,' Rayanne mused, thinking of Sharon Cherski. That girl was in for a wild, wild ride, whatever ended up happening. It was almost unfair how much that girl didn't want to draw any attention to herself, yet she kept getting it, for some reason or another.'But for now, all attention will be on me," she thought with satisfaction, just before she strode onstage as Emily.

Rayanne knew it was just the applause of her peers and their parents tonight, but she still loved it. The high was incredible, and it wasn't because of any drug. She knew she had done a good job tonight, fuelled by her sadness over Angela and the surrealism of Sharon's secret. It had to be true that artists were constantly inspired by their lives, and who had a more dramatic or messed-up life than she did?

Backstage, her castmates congratulated one another and she contemplated taking a sip from the flask she'd brought, but her mom would be coming to find her and she wouldn't be impressed. Rayanne was actually looking forward to celebrating at home with Amber and staying out of trouble. They would pick up pizza or Chinese on the way home and sip on margaritas while watching bad television and painting their nails.

"Rayanne, that was incredible," Corey came up to congratulate her, Rickie hovering at his elbow. Poor Rickie still had a big crush on Corey, and Corey remained as ambiguous as ever.

"Thanks Corey!" she beamed. "It was a rush. Can't wait to do it all again tomorrow." She and Rickie chattered excitedly about some of the minor mishaps that had taken place, and it almost felt like old times again. Corey stayed for a few minutes to talk, then excused himself and left. She kept looking for Amber, but there were still too many people around.

"Angela!" Rickie called, waving to her through the crowd. Rayanne watched as Angela wove her way through the throng of people over to them. She was carrying a bouquet of flowers in her arms, a shy expression on her face.

"Hi! You were great!" she threw her arms around Rickie, then she turned to face Rayanne.

"Hi," Rayanne said, a bit nervously but trying not to show it.

"Hi," Angela said, "these are for you." She held the flowers out.

"You didn't have to get me anything…" she accepted the flowers and hugged them to her chest.

"My mom got them for you," Angela said uncomfortably, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Oh," Rayanne said, disappointed. "Well, tell her thanks from me."

"Well, I picked them out but she paid for them… But listen…" Angela began again tentatively, "I don't want to be mad at you anymore. I really miss you and I'm sorry I couldn't forgive you when I forgave Jordan…"

It was all Rayanne heard. She felt so happy that she didn't know what to do or say, so she went with her gut – as usual.

"Angelika!" she shrieked, throwing her arms around her friend. "I've missed you and I know I've been terrible but I promise that none of this craziness will ever happen again! I swear! I will be the best and most loyal friend ever…"

Despite herself, Angela laughed. "I was gonna say that I don't know if things are going to be able to pick up where they left off, but I want to put all that stuff behind us. I'm going to try, anyway."

"Where is Jordan anyway?" Rayanne asked curiously.

"He had rehearsal or something. Like he would want to sit through a play!" Angela rolled her eyes and laughed.

"So things are going well between the two of you?" she thought about how moody Catalano had seemed at the last loft party, without Angela there. She would never be allowed to come to one of those parties, and she probably wouldn't want to, anyway. Half the time Rayanne didn't want to be there, but it was just one of those things…

"Yeah, it's going really well. He's really different once you get to know him," Angela said, with a faraway smile on her face.

"Well, that's good," Rayanne said, and meant it. She hoped she was wrong about Catalano, because Angela deserved the best. She hadn't meant to be such a bitch to him that night, but she was drunk and unhappy, and he was the perfect person to blame. At least it didn't seem like he was messing around behind Angela's back…

She felt a flare of protectiveness for her friend.

They both caught sight of Sharon and waved her over. She looked lost momentarily, then her face brightened as she saw her two friends standing together – one old, one new.

"Cherski is really going to need you as a friend right now," Rayanne whispered to Angela.

****That's it for now! Thanks for reading!****


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Triangle

"Say something, please," Sharon pleaded, watching Angela nervously.

"I'm sorry, Sharon," Angela sighed, wrapping her hands around her mug of hot chocolate. "I don't want to be a bad friend anymore. You just took me by surprise, that's all."

"Trust me, you were not the only one," Sharon said, rolling her eyes. "I mean, this is ridiculous! I'm still like two months away from being able to get my learner's permit, yet I can conceive a child."

"Raging hormones, they'll be the death of us," Rayanne was ripping a napkin to shreds. "They think guys are the only ones who have 'em, but girls definitely do too." Sharon nodded in agreement, and Angela admitted she was starting to understand what that felt like. The three girls were at a diner near the school, as Rayanne was famished and craving a burger and fries. Amber had dropped them off after the play that night, sensing from Rayanne's expression that something important had come up.

"Have you ever… had a scare?" Sharon asked Rayanne directly.

"Yeah, once," Rayanne said matter-of-factly, "I forgot a couple of pills and the condom broke, so I freaked out for a couple of weeks until my mom made me take a test."

"Wow, your mom is really cool," Angela mused aloud.

"Why didn't I start the Pill?" Sharon lamented. "I was afraid it would make my boobs bigger, but being pregnant is way worse!" She turned to Angela dramatically. "Promise me you'll go to your doctor and start the Pill, before you and Jordan… you haven't done it yet, have you?"

Face burning, Angela ducked her head and tucked her hair behind her ears. "No, no, we haven't…" An irritable expression crossed her face as she noted, not for the first time, that she was the most inexperienced of the three. "What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get it over with?"

"Is Catalano pressuring you again?" Rayanne asked, the threat of a growl in her voice. "Because if he is…"

"No, it's not like that at all," Angela said. "He's being really sweet about it. But this afternoon, we were at my house, and…" she lowered her voice to a whisper: "it seemed like we almost might have."

"You were getting all hot and heavy, were you?" Rayanne winked. "And it didn't seem like a bad idea at the time, did it?"

"Yeah, I guess… It was really weird because my body was like, getting all carried away but my brain still wasn't sure… Like how do you know when you're truly ready?"

_Do you ever feel like, you're part of a triangle, where two people are purposely trying to talk around something because they know the third person has no idea what they're talking about? That's what this was like. Rayanne and Sharon are like exchanging a look because they're trying to decide who can answer my dumb fifth-grade question. It's weird that they're sort of friends now, and I'm not really sure how I feel about Sharon going to Rayanne first with this whole pregnancy thing. I'm sure Rayanne handled it better than I would have, but still… _

"Do you really think I waited for the right time?" Rayanne asked drily. "I'm still not convinced there is such a thing, only maybe the wrong time."

"Oh sweetie, trust me, you're smart to wait," Sharon gestured towards her abdomen. "You don't want this to happen."

"What are you going to do?" Angela asked. "Are you going to tell your parents?"

"I have to think about this, like carefully," she replied, crossing her arms. "I have to do what feels right. But I don't know how I'm going to be able to hide this from them. This seriously feels like PMS times a million."

"Wait til you start throwing up in the morning, Cherski, then you're really gonna have some explaining to do!" Rayanne chirped.

"Shut up, Rayanne, you're horrible!" Sharon pouted. "My mom is gonna be so disappointed. And I'm afraid I'll give my dad another heart attack."

"Oh, you never know," Angela said. "They might surprise you."

"Ugh, I doubt it," Sharon wrinkled her nose. "They'll probably yell and scream and make me have a meeting with Kyle and his parents, or something. If I decide to keep it, anyway. I might not."

"Tick tock, you only have a bit of time to decide if you wanna like, get rid of it or whatever," Rayanne said.

"I know," Sharon groaned. "Why did I have sex with Kyle? How did it seem like a good idea, all those dozens of times…?"

"'Cause it felt fantastic, that's why," Rayanne said.

"Speaking of which," Angela felt her cheeks burning, "what does it mean when you're getting all into it, and he says he has to stop or it will hurt?"

Rayanne and Sharon exchanged another look, and Rayanne tried unsuccessfully to stifle a snort of laughter.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, still giggling, her hand on Angela's shoulder.

"Listen Chaseface," Sharon began with mock sternness, "do not fall for it when a guy tells you it's hurting him…"

* * *

><p>Angela wiped the fog away from the bathroom mirror and stared at her reflection.<p>

_Things are changing so quickly all of a sudden. Rayanne and I are okay again, Sharon's pregnant… I can't believe she's pregnant. My mom is probably going to try and lock me up in a chastity belt when she finds out. She's got all this restless energy now that my dad is busy with the restaurant. Where is my dad these days? The opening is soon, but I barely see him at all. It's like he's forgotten about us. _

She padded over to her bedroom and put on her pajamas, but she didn't feel like going to bed yet. She headed downstairs into the kitchen, where Patti was sitting at the table with a bank ledger.

"Hi honey," her mom greeted her. "Did you have a good time at the play?"

"Yeah, it was good. I think it was a bit unconventional, but Mr. Katimsky likes to do things differently, I guess." She took a seat at the table and wished that her dad were here to warm up leftovers.

"How was Rayanne?" Patti asked.

"We made up," Angela said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I didn't feel right for holding a grudge anymore, and I basically told her that."

"That's really grown-up of you," Patti said warmly. "A lot of people wouldn't have the insight to do what you did."

"I just… missed her, you know? And it was weird to be acting like we were strangers."

"I'm glad you found it in your heart to forgive her," Patti said.

"Really? Even though you didn't like us being friends at first?" Angela rested her chin in her hands and looked sideways at her mother.

"Even I can judge people a bit too quickly," she said. "I never disliked Rayanne, but I never wanted to see anything besides what I wanted to see. And now I know better. Don't get me wrong, I still think she's got her problems and everything, but we're all products of our environments, and I think she's making the most of what she's got."

"I don't know if I'll ever forget about what happened," Angela said, purposely avoiding explicitly stating the situation," but I want to look past it. Obviously you know what happened, Mom, and I – just – thanks, for letting us do what we needed to do."

"I trust you, Angela," her mom said, laying her hand on the side of her face. "I know I raised you with good values and you've always had a good head on your shoulders. You've always done what feels right to you, and I hope you always will."

"I definitely try…" Angela sighed. "I wish sometimes we had an instruction manual, for life, you know?"

"But that would take all the fun out of making your own decisions," Patti smiled and tweaked her nose playfully. "Now you should go and get some sleep. I'll wait up for your dad."

"Are you… okay?" she asked tentatively.

"Every relationship has its challenges," Patti said. "You're starting to see that. But it's up to you to decide if the whole person is worth more than the sum of their parts."

Angela smiled as she went upstairs to bed. She almost didn't want to admit it to herself, but she liked it when her mom treated her like an adult, even if she didn't know if she felt ready to be one yet. She didn't have the guts to tell Patti about Sharon and the pregnancy yet. She would probably find out soon enough, depending on what Sharon chose to do.

Her expression sobered as she thought about her mother downstairs, waiting for her father to come home. Ever since she saw him outside talking to that woman late one night, casually leaning on their cars, a part of her had never forgiven him. She didn't know if anything had happened between those two, but it was the possibility of betrayal – for putting himself into that situation, for wanting other situations, that angered her. How could her mom be totally okay with him working with Hallie Lowenthal and spending all those hours together? Could her dad really be trusted? Could anyone?

Angela's thoughts shifted back to Rayanne. Not too long ago, she didn't think she could ever trust her again. Now, things were looking better, although it was a bit strange to realize that Sharon and Rayanne were sort of friends and it might be the three of them a lot more from now on. It wasn't a bad thing, just completely unexpected. She had to admit, they were pretty funny together. Sharon was still shocked by Rayanne's bluntness, then Sharon would say something to top Rayanne, and everyone would be left in shock, even Sharon. The whole pregnancy thing was enough to leave Rayanne in disbelief, and nothing surprised her. It was also nice to have another opinion about boys, even if Rayanne was totally skeptical of anything remotely resembling a relationship and Sharon's life "basically lay in ruins" at the moment, according to her. Angela didn't know how she felt about Sharon's situation yet, it was too strange to think about her oldest friend being two months away from her sixteenth birthday and pregnant. It was beyond her comprehension right now, she admitted. Girls like her and Sharon didn't get pregnant, or did they? Angela acknowledged that she and Sharon, although they had found one another again, were probably no longer as similar as they once were.

The strangest and perhaps scariest thing was probably realizing that although she thought she had left Sharon behind, it was really Sharon who had left _her_ behind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Happy April Fools' Day everyone! It's been a while since I've updated this story, as I've been focusing on other short fics and frankly sort of lost my inspiration. Now I've found it again and have been working away on several new chapters! I'm excited about where my fic is heading and I hope you enjoy it too! Just realized too that my fic has been in existence for over 6 months so yay, but I plan to see this through to the end if possible.  
><strong>

Chapter 17: Confrontations

Angela awoke to the sound of her parents' voices – both of them. It was starting to become an unfamiliar sound. Involuntarily, she felt her body tense as she realized that they seemed to be arguing, in hushed tones. Despite herself, she strained to catch a few words – she thought she could make out "I can't do this all by myself, Graham" then their voices quieted again. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, forcing herself to get up because she knew Jordan was coming to pick her up.

Jordan… just thinking about him made her heart pick up pace slightly and she felt her face flush even though she was alone in her room. Oh, the things she was starting to want to do with him… things she wasn't even sure about but that she wanted nonetheless. She remembered the way his body had responded to hers, the way things could have gone forward so easily, if he hadn't stopped them. She couldn't believe he'd stopped them, and the thing he'd said about not pressuring her… It was really sweet and seemed sincere. After all, his body was saying something entirely different, so Angela felt sure that he wasn't pretending to be into her.

As she started to get ready, Angela wondered how long it would take for Camille Cherski to call Patti with the news about Sharon. She gave it about a day. Sharon was an only child, so there was nobody else to divert the attention away from her and Camille was totally nosy. Angela contemplated what this meant for her. It likely meant that her mom would be watching her and Jordan like a hawk now, for any signs that they were having sex or even thinking about it.

They never talked about it, really, other than when he said that he didn't want to pressure her, and the terrible words they'd exchanged before. He didn't even seem like the same guy anymore. Gradually, he seemed to be changing, becoming more confident with himself and with having her in his life. His friends were still somewhat of an awkward issue, and she still didn't really hang out with them all together, but it didn't really bother her. She knew that he needed his time with his friends and according to Rayanne, they never did anything exciting anyway, they just sat around the loft drinking and making plans that never happened.

Feeling a bit guilty, Angela avoided going downstairs until she heard her mom call, "Angela, Jordan's here!" She didn't realize how tense she had been until that moment. She wondered if Jordan thought about her when they were apart, whether he missed her like she missed him. This morning, she was particularly looking forward to seeing him. It seemed that a lot had happened the evening before, so it seemed like even longer since she'd seen him.

"Hi," she greeted him as she came down the stairs, smiling but not wanting to appear overly eager or worse yet, perky.

"Hey," he said, his voice gravelly from the morning. He gave her a small smile. He looked tired, as usual. Patti was handing him a cup of coffee. Her dad was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, eyeing them both warily.

"Hi stranger," Angela said pointedly to her dad.

"Hey sweetie," he said, a bit sheepishly. He looked tired too. She hoped it wasn't because he was up late fooling around on her mom. God, she hoped not.

"How's the restaurant business?" she asked.

"It's super busy. I need to start hiring the kitchen staff soon. Know anyone who might be interested in a part-time job? Any of your friends?"

"I'll ask around," Angela said, shrugging, exchanging a look with Jordan.

"Um, how was the play?" Jordan asked after a moment.

"It was really good," Angela said, fussing with a bowl of instant oatmeal. She didn't really feel like eating but then her mom would get on her case. "Don't know if you would've liked it though." She smiled brightly at him to show that she wasn't entirely serious.

"Yeah, probably not," he said with a straight face. "Movies are better for me. We should um, go to a movie sometime…"

"That would be fun…" Angela got the feeling they were putting on some kind of a show in front of her parents, or was it the other way around? Both of them seemed to be watching her rather than dealing with their own stuff, as if they were avoiding something. Or was she imagining things?

"You two should get going," Patti said suddenly, breaking into Angela's thoughts. "You shouldn't be late for homeroom."

"Homeroom, right," Angela echoed, flashing her mother a quick grateful smile. She suddenly felt a tiny pang of guilt mixed with her relief as she grabbed her coat and backpack, although she wasn't sure why.

In the car, Jordan leaned over and kissed her on the mouth, hard.

"Hi," he said to her.

"Hi," she smiled at him. "That was weird in there, sorry."

He shrugged as if to say, _Whatever_, and started the car.

"I heard them arguing about something when I woke up this morning," she said, "so I sort of avoided them until you showed up."

He nodded, seeming to understand.

"What were they arguing about?" he asked.

"I don't know… Probably something to do with how much time my dad's been spending at the restaurant. They never argue so it was unexpected, I guess."

"They never argue?" he sounded incredulous now.

"Well, not never, but you know what I mean…" she stopped and glanced at him, noting his blank expression. "Um, never mind," she added hastily.

"I think my idea of an argument is different from yours," he said quietly. "I'm betting that when your parents fight, they don't throw things."

"Uh… my mom dropped a wine glass once by accident. It smashed all over the floor."

"And I bet they don't swear at each other," he said, smiling now.

"Sometimes… when they think Danielle and I can't hear," she said, smiling back. Somehow, they had just sort of addressed their differences but it didn't seem like such a big deal anymore.

_I wish we could just laugh at everything together like this. _

Before she realized it, they were pulling up in front of the school.

"Are you going in today?" Angela asked.

He nodded, his hand reaching up to touch her cheek. He studied her face for a moment.

"What?" she asked, beginning to feel self-conscious.

"Nothing. I just like… looking at you, seeing you look back at me." She wasn't sure why, but his words struck her as incredibly profound, and she couldn't resist leaning forward and kissing him.

"You can look at me anytime," she flashed him another smile as she got out of the car. "I'll see you later?"

He nodded again, leaning back against the seat and watching her walk towards the school. She smiled to herself the whole way.

Her reverie was shattered as she stepped into the hallway and was met with the sight of Rayanne, standing slightly in front of Sharon, as if to protect her. They both faced Kyle Vinnovich and a couple of his football buddies, all three in matching varsity jackets.

"Look, Vinnovich, you need to man up and accept responsibility," Rayanne was saying excitedly, pointing her finger in his face.

"Get your finger out of my face," Kyle said, a bewildered look on his face. "Can I talk to Sharon alone please?"

"She doesn't have anything to say to you that she can't say in front of me," Rayanne boasted, while Sharon looked on somewhat helplessly. She spotted Angela and gave her a weak smile.

"Are you okay?" Angela asked.

"She's fine," Rayanne spoke for her again. "It's Vinnovich here who needs to man up."

"Okay, I don't even really know what's going on here," Kyle exclaimed. "All I know is that last week Sharon said she didn't want to be with me anymore and then all of a sudden I have to man up for something? What the hell is going on?"

All eyes were on Sharon, who seemed at a loss for words.

"He doesn't know?" Angela asked in a loud whisper.

"Don't know what?" Kyle demanded.

"You two need to talk," Angela said.

"Obviously," Kyle said, "but without her bodyguard here or whoever she thinks she is."

"Rayanne – " Sharon hesitated, "you've been great, but I think I need to talk to Kyle alone."

"Ooh Vinnovich, someone's in trouble!" one of his jock buddies said mockingly.

"Shut up!" Rayanne snapped, lunging at him.

"Okay, you both need to cool it," Angela stepped between the two of them. "Rayanne, why are you getting in the middle here?" she asked her friend.

"I'm just trying to help," Rayanne muttered, casting murderous glances at Kyle and his friends. She watched Sharon walk off with Kyle, obviously to have their "talk". "You'd better respect her!" she yelled down the hallway at them.

"Rayanne, I don't think that's necessary," Angela steered her towards the lockers. Briefly, she wondered if Rayanne was drunk right now, then decided it was unlikely. "What were you trying to do there?"

"Nothing… doesn't it give you a rush though?"

"What do you mean?" Angela asked, spinning the lock.

"Miss Goody Two-Shoes is pregnant! She doesn't know what she's doing, and Mr. Varsity Jock is gonna get the shock of his life! If that's not exciting, I don't know what is!" Rayanne checked her reflection in a compact then started to rummage through her bag for candy. "Where's Rickie?"

"I swear, you are so twisted sometimes," Angela sighed. "You definitely know how to turn a negative into a positive."

"Isn't that great?" Rayanne grinned at her. "Sharon may be knocked up, but she doesn't have to be screwed, know what I mean?" she winked and gave her friend a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you at lunch?"

**I think this chapter was a bit short but I actually wrote it quite a while ago and don't want to change it - it serves as sort of a segueway if you will. I will definitely post more soon! **


	18. Chapter 18

**The next few chapters are obviously going to focus on the drama with Sharon... I know where I am going with this so I hope you enjoy it. And I know there are lots of strong opinions about teen pregnancy but I know this show would have dealt with it in a real and honest way so I am trying to stay true to that. Sorry if you don't like the topics discussed. As always, I don't own MSCL or any of the characters.**

Chapter 18: Driving Practice

Angela pushed open the bathroom door at lunch to find Sharon and Rayanne standing by the sinks, which had become such a normal sight to her now that it almost didn't weird her out anymore. Sharon's eyes were red, and she had obviously been crying. She started to straighten up and rub at her eyes at the sound of the door opening, but when she saw who it was, she relaxed.

"What's wrong?" Angela asked, somewhat rhetorically.

"I was so right about him," Sharon said. "He is such a butthead."

"What happened?" Angela wanted to know. "Did you actually talk to him – at school?"

"Yeah, he made me go in the band room with him in between second and third period and he basically like, demanded to know what was going on."

"I guess that would make sense," Angela said, alluding to the incident in the hallway earlier that morning. She looked over at Rayanne pointedly, but all her friend did was shrug indifferently.

"Guys should take responsibility when they knock a girl up," was all she said.

"Well, Sharon maybe wanted to tell him on her own time," Angela said.

"She doesn't have time to waste. She's going to start showing and people are gonna start asking questions. God, I'm just trying to help."

"Anyway," Sharon broke in, "he totally acted in a stereotypical way and freaked out. First he said there was no way it could have happened, but like, hello, I'm the living proof it happened. Then when he finally believed me, he said that he wanted a paternity test in case he wasn't the father… that was great." She rolled her eyes. "But of course he realized how ridiculous he was being and finally he said that having a kid would ruin his life and I had to get rid of it." She took a deep shaky breath.

"Wow, Sharon, that's awful," Angela said, taking her friend's hand.

"And to make matters worse, Krakow walked in just at that moment and heard everything, so now the whole school is gonna know that I'm pregnant if they don't know already."

"I can try to do damage control with Krakow," Rayanne spoke up. "He's scared of me and turned on by me at the same time." She winked and proceeded to dash out of the room, the doors swinging shut behind her.

"It's not even like it really affects him that much," Sharon went on once they were alone again. "His reputation won't be ruined, but mine will be. Student council presidents don't get pregnant… Maybe he's right. Maybe I need to just get rid of it and go on with my life."

"Sharon, are you sure?" Angela asked. "Have you even thought about this?"

Her friend sighed. "No, I'm not sure. But I know that there are things that I want to do. I want to go to college. I want a career. I want kids one day, but I want to be established and with the right person. Kyle is _so_ not the right person." She rolled her eyes again. "You're not judging me, are you?"

"No, of course not," Angela said quickly, although she had to admit that she had never really thought about it too much. The idea of a baby, much like sex, was still pretty much an abstract concept to her. She knew that people obviously had babies, much like they had sex, but it just seemed like such a faraway idea, something that happened when people were older and more sure of themselves, just as Sharon said. Yet she didn't know how she really felt about the whole idea of _abortion_. She agreed that women should have a choice over their bodies, but until now, she had taken that idea for granted.

"Good, 'cause I swear everyone is already giving me strange looks in the hallways. Between Krakow and Kyle, I think everyone knows. God, if it weren't for you and Rayanne, I don't think I could deal with this." She paused, gave a short laugh. "In what universe did you ever think I would say that I'd be thankful for Rayanne Graf? Life is so strange."

"Are you really okay with her confronting Kyle like that?"

"Should I not be?" Sharon asked quickly, looking over at Angela, then she sighed. "I don't know. She can be a bit much, as you know, but I definitely wouldn't have had the guts to say anything to him today, so maybe it's a good thing that it forced us to talk."

"It's just that Rayanne… pretty much does whatever she wants. And sometimes she doesn't care who gets hurt," Angela said, not sure anymore who she was talking about.

"You've forgiven her, right?" Sharon said, as if reading her mind.

"I guess so. I mean, yes, mostly."

"Well, I hope you have, because she like really loves you, you know?"

"What, do you guys like talk about this?"

"No, I can just tell."

They both stood there in silence for a moment, each lost in their respective thoughts.

"What would you do, if it were you?" her friend asked quietly.

"I have no idea," Angela admitted. "And I make a big deal out of everything, so I don't know how I could ever make a decision."

"I don't have a lot of time either," Sharon said. "If Rayanne's right, I only have a few weeks to make up my mind."

"Do you even know like, where to go for something like that?" Angela lowered her voice inadvertently as she said this last part, but all of a sudden it felt like they were talking about something that was off-limits, or something. She didn't know why.

"I'm sure Rayanne knows a place," Sharon said.

Just then, Rayanne burst in, slightly out of breath.

"What?" she announced. "Okay, Krakow swears up and down that he didn't say anything to anyone, but I can't successfully threaten the entire football team if Vinovich told them, so yeah, I'm sorry Cherski."

"Thanks anyway," Sharon said gratefully.

"Oh, and we should get out of here and eat. Tino brought Chinese." She jumped up and down excitedly.

"Ugh, I don't know if I can eat anything," Sharon groaned.

"Come on, just come," Rayanne urged, taking both of them by the wrists and leading them towards the bathroom doors and the world outside. Sharon and Angela couldn't help but exchanged an amused glance with one another as they allowed themselves to be pulled outside.

"Hey, where'd Tino go?" Rayanne asked, approaching a picnic table in the park across the street from the school where Rickie, Jordan and Shane were sitting with takeout boxes.

"He went to get condoms 'cause he knew you were coming back and he was fresh out," Shane shot back. When he caught sight of Angela and Sharon, his expression changed to one of shock, then to embarrassment. "Sorry, no disrespect. I was kidding," he said sheepishly, his face flushing.

"Very funny, Jones," Rayanne shot back. "This is Shane, everyone. Shane, you know Angela. This is Sharon. Now stop hogging that lemon chicken and give me some." Sharon pretended not to notice Shane noticing her.

Angela couldn't help being very aware that Jordan was smiling at her as he moved over so she could sit beside him.

"It's about time we had lunch together," he said, and she felt warm inside as she sat down next to him.

"Yeah, you've always been too cool," she teased. "Not all of us have the luxury of driving over to Big Guy Burger every day."

"I don't go every day," he protested weakly.

"Whoa, Catalano's been busted by his girl!" Shane exclaimed, throwing a pea at Jordan.

"Hey, what about the bro code?" Jordan tossed a grain of rice back at his friend, but he turned towards Angela and grinned so she knew he was joking. "Butterfly shrimp?"

It was the first time one of Jordan's friends had referred to her this way, and she noticed that although he didn't really acknowledge it, he didn't deny it either.

"You don't really think I'm being too cool, do you?" Jordan asked quietly so only she could hear. "I just don't like being cooped up in there all day-"

"No big deal," Angela said nonchalantly, "it's good for you to like, eat with your friends or whatever." She had to admit that she was loving every minute of this, though.

"Aren't you my friend?" he whispered in her ear.

"I don't know, am I?" she tried to sound teasing, as if the question didn't matter, but she could feel her face flushing.

"Yeah, the kind I want to like… drive my car."

She grabbed a spring roll and nibbled on it so she didn't have to answer right away. She was pretty sure her face matched her hair right about then. _Oh my god is he talking about sex right in front of our friends? _

"I think I'm going to head back inside. Class is starting up again soon," Sharon said, standing up. She looked uncomfortable, and Angela immediately felt guilty – although Sharon was friends with her and now Rayanne, she didn't really know the others.

"Sharon, you should just hang out," she started to say.

"Cherski you're not going anywhere," Rayanne said at the same time. "You don't really want to go back in there, do you?"

"What am I supposed to do, like skip class?" Sharon asked incredulously.

"Duh," Rayanne said. "That's what we're all doing."

"I don't know," she said doubtfully, taking a few tentative steps towards the school. "Won't they call my parents or something?"

"I don't think she's comfortable," Rickie stage-whispered.

"Has she never skipped class before?" Jordan asked in disbelief.

To Angela's surprise, it was Shane who got up first and made his way towards Sharon.

"Let's take a walk, gorgeous," he said. She hesitated for a split second, then she started to walk with him. Everyone watched the two walk several yards away, so nobody could hear what they were saying to one another. Within moments, though, Sharon was laughing at something he said. Rayanne looked at Angela and raised her eyebrows suggestively. Angela shrugged.

"Well, looks like my friend likes your friend," Jordan said. "He talks a lot of shit, but he doesn't mean it."

"Sharon just got out of a weird situation," Angela said. "She's probably not in the best place right now…"

"Shane's a big boy. And maybe that means he'll leave me alone so I have more time for you." He put his arm around her. "Driving practice later?"

"Like literally?" she cuddled into him, relishing his closeness.

"Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?" he feigned innocence, but his eyes were sparkling.

"Get a room you two, you're so cute it makes me sick," Rayanne made gagging noises. "And now Jones is making the moves on Cherski. Maybe it's true what they say about preg—" she caught herself just as Sharon came back.

"Hey guys, do you think we can go to the lake?" she asked, her face flushed.

"Yeah, sure, if you're okay with Angela driving," Jordan said.

**I'll try to have the next chapter up by next week but I will be out of town again then I will be busy for quite a while sorting out my life haha but like I said, I'm not going to abandon this fic just when it starts to get good again. Stay tuned for updates.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry for taking so long to update, here is an extra-long chapter to make up for it! I own nothing.**

Chapter 19: Judgments

"So you did pretty good today," Jordan said, pulling up in front of her house and cutting the engine.

"You don't have to lie," Angela winced. "I don't think a carful of people yelling 'Angela pull over! Let Jordan drive!' constitutes good driving."

"Well it probably wasn't a good idea to let you drive with all of us in the car. It was probably… overwhelming." He looked at her and she nodded. "But you did way better in the parking lot afterwards. No dumpsters were hurt." They both couldn't help but laugh, and she was relieved that he had forgiven her for what had happened that day, and the subsequent events that had all started with that conversation in the car. She had forgiven him as well. He kissed the tip of her nose and as they smiled at each other, Angela knew this was what love had to feel like. And she felt sorry for anyone who had never felt like this.

"You have to go to work, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, in like a half-hour," he said, looking straight ahead out the windshield.

"Come in for a few minutes. I'll make you something to eat," she offered.

"Really?" It touched her heart that something so simple could make him look so happy.

"Yeah, nobody's home… Even though I know you're dying for your daily Big Guy Burger fix," she teased, kissing him on the cheek.

"I don't eat there every day," he grumbled good-naturedly, reaching across her to open her door.

It seemed quite natural for him to take her hand as they made their way up the front steps. She regretted the fact that she had to take her backpack off her shoulder to find her keys, which required letting go of his hand.

Once inside, they both had the same urge to throw their arms around each other and kiss as if they hadn't seen each other in days. Angela didn't know if it was the driving practice or the afternoon spent with other people and the lack of privacy, but it felt so good to touch him and to feel his hands on her. It thrilled her and scared her a little that she spent so much time fantasizing about these moments and when they actually happened, they felt even more intense than in her imagination.

"Are you just trying to take advantage of me?" he whispered as he backed her into the front door.

"Clearly," she said, before she pulled him towards her again. She could feel Jordan's hands on her backside, his hips grinding into hers. His lips found their way down her neck and as he left little kisses along the skin, his stomach growled. Startled by the sudden noise, they pulled apart.

"That was definitely your stomach… Let's not forget why we came in here in the first place," Angela said, untangling herself from him and stepping towards the kitchen although her knees were weak.

Jordan took a deep breath and sighed in frustration, following her into the kitchen.

"So what's the deal with your friend, the one who hung out with us today?" he asked, leaning against the counter as Angela opened the fridge and examined the contents.

"Sharon, you mean?" she poured him a glass of milk and handed it to him.

"Thanks. Yeah, her. You said she just got out of a bad situation or something."

"Yeah it's complicated. She was dating Kyle Vinnovich, the football player, and they've been sort of on-again, off-again." She found a leftover lasagna and part of a roast. She put the lasagna in the microwave.

"So they're off right now?" he looked at her over the milk glass.

"Yeah… why all the questions? Does this have something to do with that stupid 'bro code' you were referring to earlier?" she laughed and selected a knife to slice the roast with.

"No, I'm just… getting the facts," he said innocently.

"For Shane!" she waved the knife in the air for emphasis.

"Okay remind me not to piss you off when you're in the kitchen," he said.

"What?" she looked at the knife she was holding in her hand, laughed and put it down. "I would never hurt you."

"I know." He reached over the counter and helped himself to a slice of roast. "But back to your friend Sharon… so she's single right now?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But things are really messed up right now. She's not thinking straight and she's not ready to be with someone else. Can you say rebound?" The microwave dinged and she took the heated pasta out.

"Well, Shane is fine with being used or whatever. But I guess your friend's not that kind of girl."

"I don't know. She used Kyle for sex a lot of the time," Angela said thoughtlessly, as she transferred the lasagna onto a plate. "Oh man, did I just say that?" she exclaimed.

"I don't believe it," he said.

"You can't repeat any of this!" she insisted, feeling slightly panicky as she imagined Sharon's reaction.

"I won't," he said, looking a bit confused by her sudden outburst.

"You have to swear… on that lasagna you're eating!"

"I just can't believe it," he repeated.

"You can't believe what?" she asked, although she had a very good idea of what he was about to say.

"That she would… you know… put out, or whatever."

"Why? Because she's my friend?" Angela demanded.

"I don't know… I guess a little bit," Jordan said reluctantly, although he could sense that he was saying the wrong thing. "I mean, she just doesn't seem like the type."

"And who is the type?" she asked sharply. "Girls like Cynthia Hargrove and Rayanne?"

"You know what, forget it," he said. "You're obviously taking this the wrong way." She could tell from his body language that he was getting ready to leave.

"How else am I supposed to take it? I get it. Girls like me and Sharon are just supposed to be teases or whatever. Well I'm sorry if my friend had sex and got pregnant, and I'm just a stupid tease!" Too late, she realized what she had just said and covered her face with her hands. "Shit! I am so dead!"

"What?" Jordan stopped in his tracks. "Wow, I seriously underestimated the good-girl type," he chuckled a little to himself.

"Please please please don't tell anyone," Angela begged. "Sharon will kill me. She's freaked out enough as it is."

"So that's what you meant by 'complicated,'" Jordan said, an amused smile on his face. "You girls are so… "

"What?" she asked quietly.

"Crazy. Unpredictable. I have to go." He leaned forward and planted a single kiss on her lips. "Thanks for the food."

"You won't say anything?" she followed him to the door.

"Angela, guys don't care about stuff like that. I'll see you later."

She shut the door behind him, feeling decidedly unsatisfied.

"I'm home! Angela, I just saw your boyfriend driving away! Were you guys doing it on the couch?" her sister's voice boomed a few minutes later. Angela sighed.

"Ew! Obviously not! Why do you have such a dirty mind, Danielle?"

"Why do you? I see the way you look at him, like he's something you want to eat!" she giggled. "By the way, I'm starving!"

"I'll make you a snack or something if you leave me alone."

Angela resigned herself to the fact that she would be forced to stop thinking about what had just happened, for now. But she didn't like the way they had left things.

* * *

><p>"Hey," he was standing on the doorstep when she opened the door the next morning, and she felt kind of relieved.<p>

"Come in, I'll get your coffee," she said, motioning for him to come in. He followed her into the kitchen, where Patti and Danielle were getting ready for the day. Graham was absent, which was starting to become a familiar sight at the breakfast table, unfortunately.

"Morning," Jordan greeted everyone. Danielle looked at him and laughed to herself as she ate her cereal.

"Ignore her," Angela said, rolling her eyes.

"Don't be rude, Angela. Good morning Jordan," Patti said brightly. "Your coffee's right here. I think Angela's dad brought some pastries home from the kitchen last night. He's still testing the menu, so help yourself." Angela couldn't help but notice that her mother was being overly cheerful, a sure sign that she was stressed.

"So is everyone looking forward to March break?" Patti asked.

"Yay, Disney World! With Grandma and Grandpa!" Danielle yelled.

"What are you going to do, Jordan?"

"Uh, I don't know yet," Jordan said. "Probably just pick up some extra shifts at work and practice more with the band."

The upcoming March break was still two weeks away, and with all the recent drama with Sharon, she had forgotten about it entirely. She welcomed the break from school but for once, she was unsure if she wanted anything really exciting to happen. She stopped listening to the conversation around her as she became immersed in her own thoughts.

_Danielle's going away, Dad is never here… I hope Mom doesn't try to turn this into 'quality time' between the two of us… I feel bad but I don't want to be stuck here every night with her. I wish that I could go on a road trip somewhere… _

"Your mom was saying she might go away with her friend for a few days, did you know that?" Jordan was saying as he started the engine.

"What? No, I didn't hear her say that. Must be with Camille Cherski," Angela said. "I was starting to think she was going to like imprison me in the house with her and force us to spend quality time together."

"Whatever, your mom is cool."

"You're just happy because she made you lunch today." She made a face at him.

"I can't help it if your mom loves me." He grinned as she rolled her eyes.

"Well, we shall see how cool she is once she finds out about Sharon and the pregnancy. My mom and Sharon's mom are best friends. As soon as Sharon tells her parents, my mom will know. She'll probably try to lock me in my room until I'm forty."

"I can climb the tree outside your window," he said, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"Jordan, this is not a joke. As soon as she finds out about Sharon, my life as I know it is over. There will be so many awkward attempts to talk about sex and birth control and we'll never be allowed to be alone… It's going to be awful." Angela groaned as she thought about all this. She missed Jordan already.

"That sucks," he said. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but he stopped himself.

"Look," Angela began tentatively after a moment's silence, "I know I've been acting crazy lately… This thing with Sharon has really freaked me out. I just don't want to like, be in the same position or anything." She took a deep breath. "I'm just so happy with the way things are going right now, and I kind of don't want anything to change, but trust me, I think about it all the time."

They had arrived at the school, and she waited nervously as Jordan parked the car silently.

"Angela, just tell me… do you even want to? With me?" he turned to look at her. She looked into his eyes and saw the same desire, frustration and longing that she felt, and she couldn't be sure, but… uncertainty? That didn't seem possible – Jordan Catalano was never uncertain with girls, at least not in her mind.

She nodded at first, not trusting her voice. As she nodded, the intention became real and she realized that it was true, she really did want to have sex with him. But she still didn't trust herself.

"I do want to," she said at last. "And I know I have to stop thinking this to death."

"You know, if you ever like… accidentally got pregnant or whatever, I would help you… I wouldn't tell you to get rid of it, if you didn't want to, you know?" he said softly.

She didn't know why, but the way he said that made her fall in love with him even more, if that were even possible. She didn't even know if it were true, but there was something so sweet and sincere in the way he said it.

"I can't like, give you a timeline. But I want us to…" She gazed into his eyes, then closed her eyes because she knew that it was the perfect moment for him to kiss her. And he did.

"Work up to it?" he finished for her, pulling away slightly.

"Yeah…" she sighed. "That would be good…" She lost herself in his kiss once more.

"Hey lovebirds," Rayanne's voice boomed through the closed windows and there was a knock at the passenger window.

"That was rude," Angela muttered, but she saw Rayanne and Sharon standing in the parking lot outside Jordan's car so she opened the door.

"What's going on?" she asked her friends.

"Hey Catalano, can we talk to Angela alone?" It wasn't really a question, and sensing this, Angela quickly said good-bye to Jordan and climbed out of the car.

"So Angelika, are you in or out? We're going to the clinic right now, to see about Cherski's 'options'," Rayanne said abruptly.

"Right now?" Angela stalled. "Did you talk to your parents, Sharon?"

"No, this is just a fact-finding mission," she said quietly, looking away.

"No it isn't, you're going there to try and get it done, aren't you?" Angela hoped that she didn't sound overly judgmental, but she was suddenly dreading this misadventure. Maybe it was the way Jordan had just said that profound thing to her in the car, or the way they had just had a real conversation that seemed to settle things between them, but she didn't want to lose that feeling.

"Whatever, are you coming or not?" Rayanne asked. "Tino's waiting in the car."

"Uh, I have that assignment to hand in for first period," Angela said, feeling awful, although it was true. "I'm sorry, Sharon."

"No problem. We'll catch you later."

"Yeah, let me know what happens," Angela said, yet she couldn't look at her friends as they parted ways. She felt incredibly ashamed, and she couldn't explain why going to that clinic filled her with a sense of dread.

* * *

><p>"So what happened?" Angela found Sharon and Rayanne at lunch. Part of her dreaded seeing them in light of her unexplained reluctance that morning, but she knew it would be worse if she avoided them.<p>

"It's a no-go for now," Rayanne said flatly. "Total bullshit."

"What do you mean?" Angela asked. The bathroom door opened and everyone went silent. It was Rickie.

"Hey Rickie, where have you been?" Rayanne greeted him enthusiastically.

"Uh, I thought I should probably give you guys some space. You know, with what's been going on and all. Delia and I have been sort of hanging out," he said casually, examining his eyeliner in the mirror.

"Is it all over school?" Sharon asked tightly. "I've sort of been avoiding everything." She looked at Rayanne.

"Uh… kind of," Rickie said uncomfortably. "You know that the jocks aren't exactly discrete or anything." Sharon nodded miserably. "Kyle is telling people that you're getting rid of it."

"That's what we went to inquire about today," Rayanne spoke up.

"So it's all true?" Rickie asked. "You're not having it, Sharon?"

Sharon shrugged dejectedly.

"Rickie, I love you, but if you judge her, I will throw you out of this bathroom," Rayanne said dramatically.

_Why can't I stand up for Sharon like she can? _

"I'm not judging. It's just that I'm Catholic, and it's like technically against my religion," Rickie said.

"So is liking boys, in a more-than-friends way," Rayanne shot back.

"True," Rickie giggled. "So I guess it doesn't matter."

"So what was the problem today?" Angela asked. "And I'm sorry that I couldn't come."

"It's okay," Sharon said quietly. She had been crying for days and she looked exhausted. "They can't do anything without my parents' permission. Good old Pennsylvania law."

"Seriously?" Angela couldn't believe it. "I guess you haven't told your parents yet."

"I want to, but there never seems to be the right time."

"'Mom, Dad, pass the pepper please. By the way, I'm pregnant,'" Rayanne's impression of Sharon made them all smile a bit, despite the situation. "Not exactly brilliant dinner conversation."

"My parents are going to be so upset with me," Sharon said.

"You're like the perfect offspring," Angela said, mentally comparing Sharon with herself. Her friend came out ahead of her in every category that mattered. "I'm sure one thing isn't going to kill them."

"And your parents are probably super nice, like Angela's parents," Rickie said helpfully.

"I'm not sure if my parents would be cool either," Angela admitted. "But of course that's not really in the realm of possibility for me right now."

"Start the pill first," Sharon sighed. "I'm going to as soon as this mess is over. If I get out alive…"

Everyone stopped talking as a girl walked into the washroom. She looked at the small group clustered by the windows and turned around abruptly to leave.

"Murderer," she hissed on her way out.

"Judgmental asshole!" Rayanne shouted.

Sharon looked ready to cry again. Rayanne squeezed her arm.


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm sorry for not updating in like forever. I've had lots of ideas and lots of urges to write, but it has been coming along slowly. This is sort of a transitional chapter in that not much happens, but I have lots more planned! Hope you enjoy. **

Patti hung up the phone, snippets of her conversation with Camille replaying themselves in her head. She felt numb, though she knew that she ought to be shocked, and that would come, with time and a bit more processing. Sharon Cherski was pregnant. Student council vice-president, cheerleader, straight A student, yearbook committee chair… not yet sixteen years old. The worst part was that Camille suspected that Sharon was having sex with that boyfriend of hers, Kyle Vinny-something-or-other, but she didn't insist on taking her daughter to the doctor or even really discussing protection. Sharon was smart. She didn't seem to really make too many mistakes.

_But all it takes is one…_

Patti sighed, and for a moment her thoughts shifted to Angela and she was surprised to feel a sense of relief. Angela and Jordan weren't, were they? Angela had been adamant that nothing was happening, and Patti trusted her. Oddly, she trusted Jordan too, despite what had happened with Rayanne and the fact that he was a teenage boy. Despite the fact that he said little and occasionally appeared out of it, she could sense that he was somehow more mature for his age, and he cared about Angela. She hoped that she wasn't projecting her own memories and perceptions of Tony Poole through her forty-year-old perspective – Jordan reminded her so much of Tony, though Jordan possessed a caring side that Tony didn't, although Patti had tried damned hard to find that.

_I was so bad_, Patti thought, a small smile twisting her lips. Thank goodness her bad behaviour did not seem to be repeating itself with her oldest daughter. Danielle – she would have to watch her. Patti herself had been much like Sharon in high school – the good girl with the good grades and the nice friends, and Tony had been her way of acting out. She had been lucky not to get herself into a situation like Sharon's – that was the only difference. She knew that Sharon's pregnancy should be surprising and alarming to her, but all she could feel for the girl right then was empathy.

_If Tony Poole was my way of acting out, and Angela's was becoming friends with Rayanne Graf, I guess that I'm pretty lucky. _

Poor Camille had initially blamed herself and her lack of expertise in "teenaged stuff" – she didn't date in high school because of her weight so she didn't really see any of this coming. Initially, she admitted that she even liked the fact that she had a daughter who was pretty and that boys liked. She never really let herself think about what would happen once Sharon took things to the next level with her boyfriend.

Angela… Patti knew that she had to see her oldest daughter right then and there, to reassure herself that she was right about her and that she had done a good job of raising her to think for herself and to make the right decisions, even when they weren't easy. It was selfish, and Angela would assume that she wanted to lecture her about Sharon (and she would, a little bit) but she needed that reassurance right then.

"Angela, can you come here?" Patti called.

Momentarily, Angela appeared, poking her head warily around the doorway, as if she knew what was about to happen and wanted to avoid it if possible.

"I have a lot of homework, so is this really important?" she asked. She looked sullen, but Patti decided to press on.

"Come in, Angela. I want to talk to you for a second."

A sigh.

"So I was just on the phone with Camille. She had something… unexpected to tell me about Sharon."

Eye roll.

"Mother, of course you would say something like that at a time like this."

Patti thought she had chosen her words carefully, but evidently not carefully enough. "So you know about Sharon?" she asked, trying to keep her tone neutral.

"Well, yeah. It wasn't a happy occurrence or anything." Angela had ventured into the room but she was leaning against the wall right beside the door, still appearing uncomfortable.

"Is Sharon okay? Do people at school know?"

"Yeah, Kyle kind of has a big mouth. And Rayanne sort of got involved…"

"Rayanne got involved? With Kyle?" Patti couldn't help but ask. It was the obvious direction her mind took, considering what she now knew about Rayanne and Jordan. It was the wrong thing to say.

"It wasn't like that… Never mind. You wouldn't understand." She shook her head. "I don't really understand it…" She paused and collected her thoughts. When she spoke, Patti wasn't sure if Angela was speaking to her or to herself. "It's like when Sharon's dad got sick and Rayanne took her to visit him at the hospital. Rayanne sometimes like, does stuff for other people, and it's good I guess…" she drifted off and twirled a lock of hair around her fingers. "It's bad that I'm surprised."

"People are complicated," Patti said. "But Angela, I just hope that you can come to me if – "

"Ugh Mom!" Angela made a face. "I don't want to talk about this right now. You don't have to worry."

"It's just that this whole thing with Sharon…"

"Trust me, it won't happen to me," Angela said quietly, so quietly that she almost looked surprised that she had spoken.

"Well people will all have their own opinions about Sharon. I just hope you can be a good friend to her," Patti said, already feeling her own relief wash over her.

Angela nodded. It was clear to both of them that their discussion was over, for now.

* * *

><p>"So you told them," Angela was sitting on the porch with Sharon the next afternoon. It was a Sunday, and Camille and Patti were inside having tea, undoubtedly comforting each other.<p>

"Yeah. It took me all this time to work up the courage. I guess my mom called your mom like immediately."

"She sure did… How did Camille take it?"

"Not well at first. She started shouting, then she started crying hysterically and saying things like 'But you're just a baby yourself!' and it was pretty bad. My dad was actually the one who smoothed things over. I couldn't believe it. I think almost dying made him like, see things differently or something."

"She seems pretty calm today," Angela remarked. "Still sort of shaken up, but not anything like I imagined at all."

"I know. I thought she would never look at me the same way again, but she's been pretty good about it already. Of course they're disappointed, but I guess they realize that I've been a pretty good kid and this isn't a sign that they've failed as parents, or something." She was looking across the street at the familiar sight of Brian Krakow riding his bike in circles around the block.

_How can things be so much the same yet so different? Sharon and I are sitting on my porch like we used to, Brian is still riding his stupid bike like he has since he was about five years old, but we're not the same inside. Not anymore._

"So I guess they're going to give you permission to go ahead with the… operation or whatever," Angela said.

"It's funny, when my mom eventually calmed down, she said that they would support me in whatever I wanted to do – abortion, adoption, even keeping it." Sharon smiled for the first time in days. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Did that change your mind?" Angela asked.

"Part of me sort of wonders about the adoption thing… there are apparently couples in the States everywhere who are like dying to adopt a baby and I would get to meet them and decide if I wanted to give them the baby…" she paused, took a breath. "But I don't think I could go through a whole pregnancy. Not right now." She had a determined look on her face. "I mean, there's still yearbook to finish, and the crisis line, and eventually college applications…"

_Maybe Sharon hasn't changed that much. It's comforting, somehow. _

"My mom freaked out a little when she got off the phone with your mom, but I think she calmed down when she realized just how pathetically far I am from doing the deed," Angela said, laughing a little despite herself. "It's still so awkward to talk to her about this stuff. I can't do it."

"Have you and Jordan made progress?"

"Yeah we talked about it again… He tries not to pressure me but I know he really wants it, and I want to work up to it. The idea of going from basically never been kissed to doing it just doesn't make sense in my mind."

"You've kissed! Lots of times!" Sharon giggled.

"But before him, not really," Angela admitted. "You knew that."

"Well I thought maybe when you first started hanging out with Rayanne…" Sharon let the sentence trail off, aware that she could be approaching sensitive territory.

"Not at all, embarrassingly enough. It seems that I'm like, incapable of doing things I don't believe in." She looked down, tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Well, that's really admirable, Chase Face," Sharon said sincerely. "No wonder Patti trusts you."

They looked at each other tentatively for a moment. Sharon smiled, and the awkwardness passed.

"What about Kyle? Have you talked to him again?" she directed the conversation away from herself once more.

Sharon rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, we can't like, look at each other. I'm mad at him for being… unsupportive and freaking out, and I guess he's mad at me for… letting this happen, or whatever."

"That is really immature, if that's the case," Angela said. "He should accept some responsibility."

"Oh well, whatever… I guess this is like the best way to get rid of him forever." Her tone was flippant but her eyes were a bit troubled. "I'm so not ready to settle down, and being with him totally would've been settling."

"It's weird how people show their true colours when they're put in a stressful situation," Angela mused aloud.

"Isn't it? Five months ago I thought that I was in love with Kyle. It's like insane to look back on that now and realize I thought of this person in that way. It's almost like, revolting." She made a face. "And that's how I know that I'm not ready for any of this. I'm going to change so much and realize so many new things… Like who would have guessed my parents would be cool? And I'm not surprised about you, but Rayanne Graf has been one of the few people to stick up for me. I never expected that."

"I'm glad the two of you don't like openly hate each other anymore," Angela smiled. "It makes it a lot less awkward to be friends with both of you."

"I can see why you're friends with her now. She's crazy, but she's a good person underneath it. I couldn't say that about over half the cheerleading squad." She sighed again. "Most of the jocks are avoiding me, I swear people are whispering about me when I walk by, it's like the Scarlet Letter all over again. Come on people, it's 1995!"

"Well, whatever happens, I think it'll blow over," Angela said, recalling her own unpleasant experience with the rumour mill. "People get bored really quickly and move on to their next target."

"Well, I for one can't wait." She got to her feet. "Do you have anything to eat? I'm craving something salty like right now."

* * *

><p>"Are you sure I'm not like, showing?" Sharon whispered to Angela, tugging at her clingy top.<p>

"God Sharon, don't be ridiculous!" Angela shot back.

"I can't believe my mother let me out tonight."

"Mine too," Angela agreed. Although her mother still did things that she didn't understand, she had been acting pretty reasonably lately, and Angela appreciated it, although there was definitely some strain between her parents. Her dad was home less and less, and her mother was a little bit bent out of shape about something. Angela knew it had something to do with him working so much, but there was something else too. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but she wasn't ready to deal with it either.

"I'm going to see if that guy will buy me a drink," Rayanne's voice burst into Angela's thoughts.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea…" she said.

"Relax, Mom, I'll order a Shirley Temple or something." She sauntered away from them and towards the bar.

"God, she is so crazy," Sharon said, laughing a little.

"I hate that I worry about her drinking," Angela sighed. "It just seems wrong that a tenth-grader has to be concerned about her alcohol intake."

"She's fine," Sharon said, watching Rayanne flirting outrageously with an older guy at the bar. "It must be so nice to do whatever you want without consequences," she mused.

Angela let that comment pass. They were at Vertigo waiting to see Residue play for the first time and she was really excited.

"So Angelika, you excited to see Loverboy sing live?" Rayanne reappeared, drinking out of a tall glass with a straw adorned with a pineapple wedge. "Tino said they're sounding pretty good."

"Yeah, I'm so happy Patti let me out tonight," Angela said happily. "I really wanted to see this."

"And Sharon, did you come to watch Shane Jones up close and personal?" Rayanne asked, straight-faced as ever. She thrust her glass under Sharon's face as though it were a microphone.

"What?" Sharon burst into laughter. "That's silly! Shane and I barely know each other!"

"But you want to get to know him better, you know what I'm saying?" Rayanne raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"That is so not true!" She grabbed the drink out of Rayanne's hand and took a sip.

"Ooh, what is this?"

"Pina colada," Rayanne said. "They're great on a hot day. Or when you need cooling off, if you know what I'm saying," she winked as the members of Residue made their way onto the small stage.

She felt a little thrill of anticipation run down her spine as the members of Residue walked onstage and Jordan took a seat in front of the mic, his guitar across his lap. She had rarely seen them rehearse or play so this was a part of him that was still largely unknown to her, although she was dying for him to play just for her again.

"Angelika you're drooling," Rayanne chuckled softly. Angela felt her cheeks burn and she was glad that it was dark and no one could see her blush.

**Thanks for reading! More to follow, hopefully soon! **


	21. Chapter 21

**As promised, here is my update. Thanks again for all of your support, it really means a lot to me!**

"I'll walk you to the door," Jordan reached across her to open the passenger side door. Sharon and Shane were sitting in the back seat. Rayanne had disappeared with Tino. Unfortunately, Angela's curfew meant she had to be the first one to get dropped off, which meant they had just enough time to drive back after the show.

"Shotgun!" Shane and Sharon both called out simultaneously, and Angela smiled in amusement as they both scrambled to get into the front seat. There had definitely been some flirtation between the two of them, and she figured it was harmless.

"Thanks for coming tonight," Jordan said, sounding almost shy, as they made their way to the front porch. She was still buzzing with excitement from the show. They had played so well, and Jordan's voice had made her feel as if her insides had turned to liquid.

"Are you kidding? It was amazing. You're amazing!" she laughed in excitement. "You look really natural up there."

"Yeah, it's weird, how I can like, forget that there are people watching me but the minute I step off the stage, it's like, I'm… me again."

"What do you mean? All of that is you… and I think it's great." It was her turn to feel shy.

"Why do you… always know what to say?" he reached behind her and stroked her hair in the back, which made little shivers go down her spine.

"I don't…" she laughed a little, thinking of all the awkward things she had said in front of him – his presence used to rattle her so.

He brought their foreheads together. "Well, whatever, it feels nice so…"

She stared into his beautiful, captivating eyes.

The front door opened. Patti stood there, slightly flustered at the sight of the two of them. "Oh good, you're home. I'll see you inside." She shut the door.

"Sorry," Angela rolled her eyes.

The reverie broken, they both grinned at each other, then Jordan pulled her into him for one kiss.

"You should go, your mom's waiting," he said. "And I have to get your friend home."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"Tomorrow," he said, and in that moment, it seemed like the sweetest word in the world.

* * *

><p>"I feel like death," Sharon announced dramatically at Angela's locker the next morning.<p>

"We weren't out that late," Angela said absently, "although for all I know, you were making out with Shane or something!"

"Cherski was making out with Shane?" Rayanne swept in, all braids and hair ribbons. "I knew it was only a matter of time!"

"How do you just appear out of nowhere like constantly?" Sharon asked, bewildered. "And shut up, there was no making out with anyone!"

"I got dropped off first, so it's her word against mine," Angela grinned conspiratorially at Rayanne.

"Seriously though, I feel like crap. There was no chapter in the teen pregnancy handbook that prepared me for this." Sharon leaned against the locker. "I am so nauseous today, and I have the worst stomachache, or cramps, or something."

"Cherski, you keep playing this all wrong," Rayanne explained patiently. "You keep going for the martyr role when you should just accept that you've become like this… wayward teenage prom queen. Think of all the other good girls you could inspire to embrace their sexy side. Everybody loves a good girl gone bad. There are so many pornos about that."

Sharon wrinkled her nose. "Gross. How do you know so much about porn? Never mind, don't answer that," she cut in as Rayanne was about to respond enthusiastically.

"Seriously, Cherski, why don't you go see the school nurse? There's got to be some way of using your condition as a way of getting out of class," Rayanne said.

"Well, if you must know, I have an appointment at the clinic this afternoon. My mother is taking me, but I was wondering if either of you wanted to come along." She looked pointedly at Angela.

"Last chance to have a little Vinnovich eh, Cherski? Maybe that's why you don't feel well - a little bit of regret perhaps?"

"Do you always just say whatever's on your mind?" Sharon asked, although she knew it was a rhetorical question. Rayanne just shrugged and grimaced.

"You're going to do it today?" Angela asked.

"No, I'm not getting anything done today, I just have to talk to a doctor about it. So many hoops to jump through, right?" she smiled nervously.

"They want to make sure you're sure," Rayanne cut in. "There can't be anything worse than a fifteen-year-old who wants to have a baby but gets rid of it. I'm sure you'll still be thinking about it when you're forty." Her tone was sarcastic but Sharon frowned.

"Don't say it like that," she pleaded. "That makes it sound so awful."

"People are going to say worse things than that," Rayanne warned. "You're going to have to get a thicker skin."

"It's your body," Angela said.

"Yeah, right. It sure doesn't seem like it right now."

"I'll go with you if you want," Angela offered.

"I'm not doing anything this afternoon either," Rayanne said. "And if we're skipping class, all the better."

"Okay, I think I'm going to go and throw up again now," Sharon said, looking a little green. "Let's meet back here after fifth."

"Well hello ladies," Shane called out across the hallway, Jordan walking alongside him. Sharon flushed and dashed away. Angela smiled at them.

"Was it something I said?" Shane asked, noting Sharon's hasty departure.

"Yeah Jones, it's always about you," Rayanne said sarcastically. "Nothing to do with the parasite growing inside her, or anything."

She caught sight of Rickie walking with Mr. Katimski and without waiting for a response, she took off after them: "Enrique, wait up!"

"I am not even going to address that," Angela said to the two silent boys, and she hurried away to homeroom.

Sharon sat alone in the bathroom stall as another wave of nausea washed over her. She knew that she was sick and that it was worse than usual, but she couldn't bear the thought of calling her mother to pick her up. She couldn't shake the idea that she was a disappointment, and staying home from school just seemed like admitting defeat, or something. She thought about how she'd gotten through the cheerleading season last year despite a sprained ankle. It had been horrible at the time, not knowing if she could get through each game, but she'd felt satisfied with herself afterwards, for not showing weakness. Maybe this was the same thing. Besides, she didn't want her mother to think that she'd changed her mind and was using this as an excuse.

Everything had happened so suddenly, she'd barely had time to process what was happening. One minute she was fooling around with Kyle, without a care in the world, and the next, she was holding a positive pregnancy test in Rayanne Graf's bathroom. The irony did not escape her. And although Rayanne still frustrated and irked her, Sharon felt grateful for her unspoken support. Angela continued to be a bit of an enigma though. Their friendship was still newly repaired, so she didn't push what seemed like Angela's reticence. Maybe she just felt left out due to her lack of experience compared to the two of them, and her feelings for Jordan obviously ran deeper than Sharon's own feelings for Kyle.

What did she expect from Kyle though? He had proven to be unreliable when her father had his heart attack, and it was part of the reason she had become so disenchanted with him. He couldn't be there when she needed him, and this time it was no different. All of the things that initially appealed to her about him now irritated her to no end, so she didn't feel too upset about the way he was acting now. It was a constant power struggle between the two of them – she wanted him to do things he didn't want to do even though to be perfectly honest, she was indifferent. Then she would withdraw from him to get what she wanted. He got angry when she withdrew, and he acted like a jackass, then he would finally give in. It was strange, but she almost felt relief that she finally had a concrete reason to get rid of him. It was a sick, immature game that they were playing and she wanted to stop.

_None of this is fair to a baby._

Naturally, Sharon had never imagined any of this. She had always had conventional ideas about having a family – she would meet someone that she couldn't live without, just like her parents, and they would get married and start a family then. She imagined likely meeting this person in college and settling down when both of them had careers. It was all so neat and organized in her head, and she was used to things going her way, but when Angela drifted away and her dad had his heart attack, the clear images of the life she had envisioned were starting to blur around the edges. She was absolutely grateful to have Angela's friendship back and she was overjoyed that her father had recovered, but things would never be the same – like her father's heart, there would always be a scar, a reminder of what was lost.

Clearly, she had diverted from the ideal path her life was supposed to take, but what was she supposed to do next? Most of her desperately wanted to get back on track to her initial vision – a top college, good grades, a promising career, true love… And yet, a teeny tiny part of her wondered about what would happen if she didn't choose that path. It was only human, she rationalized. After all, she wouldn't be here if her mother had decided not to have her. And didn't things supposedly happen for a reason? If so, what was the reason for this huge sidetrack off her life path?

_Pull it together, Cherski. You're starting to get overly philosophical. All this vomiting has definitely thrown off your electrolytes. Maybe you need an IV or something like they always do on TV. _

She took a deep breath and slowly stood up, testing herself to make sure she didn't get nauseous again. Her stomach twisted painfully and she felt dizzy momentarily, but the nausea had lessened somewhat. She walked gingerly out of the stall and towards the row of sinks, where she splashed cold water on her face and rinsed her mouth. She was grateful that there was no one else in the girls' room then.

Maybe she should stick it out for the rest of the day, then she could at least go to her clinic appointment and get some answers. She wasn't sure if she could sit through class feeling this way, but maybe she would feel better if she got some fresh air. And there was a soda machine over by the bleachers, so she could drink some ginger ale or something.

She made it out to the bleachers through sheer will, it seemed. It just didn't seem right to be feeling so weak and crampy this morning, but then again, she'd never been pregnant and neither had any of her friends so she had no idea how she was supposed to feel.

She lay down and closed her eyes.

"Well, I should be flattered that you decided to come and pay me a visit," a male voice floated down from somewhere above her head. Her eyes flew open and she stared up at Shane Jones, smoking a cigarette on the bleachers, a book in his hand.

"Don't be ridiculous, I had no idea you were out here," she said somewhat irritably, since she was hardly looking her best but she felt too sick to move.

"What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Are you reading a book?" she couldn't hide the surprise in her voice. He held it up so she could see the cover: _Where I'm calling from_, by Raymond Carver.

"Isn't that like a college-level book?" she couldn't hide the surprise from her voice.

"I don't know, is it?"

They stared at each other somewhat defiantly, then he shrugged. "I just read for kicks. Did you think I was illiterate or something?"

She winced at a twinge of pain in her belly and shook her head.

"Are you sick? Why are you at school?" He flopped down beside her and looked into her face.

"I'm pregnant," she said bluntly. "Last time I checked, that didn't qualify as a sickness."

She waited for him to flinch or to make some kind of a face. She wasn't prepared when he smiled and leaned towards her. "You're right, it's not."

"Go ahead, judge me. Everyone else has." She found herself pulling away.

"That's none of my business," he said seriously. "And don't take this the wrong way babe, 'cause you always look great, but you do look sick or something."

"I'm not your 'babe'."

"Easy, it's just a term I use with girls I find attractive."

She pursed her lips in disapproval and and turned away. She didn't know why she was drawn to him and she wasn't sure what she wanted from him, but she certainly didn't need more chaos in her life.

"Are you uncomfortable with the fact that I find you attractive?"

"No… I'm uncomfortable with the fact that you're using a term of endearment with me that you're not really entitled to use."

"Well that's your fault. You have the ability to change that."

"Just because our friends are dating doesn't mean we should."

"It doesn't mean we shouldn't."

She was aware of how close to her he was just then, and she was also aware of the fact that she sort of liked it. It was unnerving.

"You don't want to get involved with me. I'm a mess."

"Let me be the judge of that," he said quietly.

"Stop acting like a player," Sharon scoffed. "I'm not feeling well and I'm not in the mood to be messed with."

"Do you want to get out of here? I have a car."

"That is such a line," she cringed.

"Well as friends then. Scout's honour." He held up his hand and smiled. She had to admit that he looked nice, and that was disarming. "I'll take you home or something. You look sick."

"What are you, like a doctor or something?" A shot of pain ripped through her side, and she realized for the first time that she was sweating. "Okay I think something's wrong," she admitted finally.

"Do you need the hospital? I know a good one."

She could hear the smile in his voice and once again, it surprised her that she liked it. He offered her a hand up and she took it. He pulled her to her feet and they looked at each other.

"Hey," he said softly, the concern evident in his voice. His eyes were somewhere between green and brown, she couldn't remember the name of the colour and for some reason that bothered her.

That was the last thing she remembered thinking.


	22. Chapter 22

__**Hi everyone, I'm so sorry to have left my story on a cliffhanger for so long! Life sort of got in the way. I thought it would be a good idea to post this follow-up chapter before I lost my nerve. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and I hope to update again soon!  
><strong>

_Am I dying? _

It was as if the world had suddenly become submerged underwater – lights dimmed, sounds distant, the beating of her heart filling her ears…

"You're not dying," she heard a voice from somewhere above her line of sight.

_Are you reading my mind? _

"Sure, something like that."

Her knuckles were white from gripping his hand.

* * *

><p>Angela waited by her locker for Sharon. The hallways were rapidly emptying, the students buzzing with excitement about something she didn't know if she wanted to know about. She didn't see Sharon or Rayanne and Sharon was never late. Maybe Rayanne had convinced her to skip the rest of the day after all.<p>

_Nice of them to tell me, if that's the case._

"Well hello," said a voice beside her ear.

She smiled, recognizing the effect that voice had on her before she even fully realized who it was.

"What brings you here?" she couldn't conceal the smile as she looked at him.

"Hey, I went to all my afternoon classes today," he said, his arms circling her waist. "You must be a good influence or something."

"Didn't you have gym and shop?" she laughed as he kissed her.

"Yeah, so?" he said as they drew apart, his eyes half closed.

"Nothing, you just never skip those," she pulled him to her for another kiss.

"Sure I do," he said. His words had that dreamy quality to them, as it was clear he wasn't thinking about their conversation.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" she couldn't help but ask.

"I don't know," he looked down, but he smiled in a way that suggested he did know. "Want me to drive you home?"

Driving home with Jordan meant an empty house for the afternoon. She groaned when she remembered Sharon and her appointment. Where was she anyway?

"I can't. I promised Sharon I would go with her to this thing, except now I don't know where she is."

"Um, I might have that answer," a voice came from across the hallway, startling them both. Angela felt an immediate flash of annoyance.

"Brian, have you been like standing there the whole time?"

"So Sharon like sent me…" Brian started, purposely ignoring her question, "actually she didn't send me because she was being taken to the hospital on a stretcher, but…. I thought you would want to know. That she went to the hospital, I mean. She said something about you guys having plans after school today, so…"

"What?" Angela couldn't believe her ears. "Sharon went to the hospital? Why?"

"She was feeling really sick, like worse than usual, I guess. And for someone who's preg- someone who's in her condition, it could mean there are like, complications."

Brian shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, eyeing Jordan.

"He knows," she said to Brian.

"It was kind of by accident," Jordan said. "She didn't mean to tell me."

"Oh," Brian said. "Well, accidents happen, right?" he started to smirk at his own joke, then abruptly halted as he realized the context.

"Wait, how do you know?" Jordan asked.

"Uh... It gets around, you know. Kyle and his friends told everyone. Anyway, um, I just happened to be there at the time and she was sort of out of it but she came to long enough to tell me to tell you where she was going."

"How Sharon of her," Angela said.

"Oh and Jordan, your friend - the drummer - was with her, I think. I don't think she asked him to come, but he was like, standing there at the time and caught her, I think."

"Who, Shane?" It was Jordan's turn to be surprised.

"He caught her?" Angela asked incredulously. "What does that mean?"

"She like passed out. He physically had to catch her. They were on the bleachers and I was in PE class playing soccer. I ran up there and Shane told me to call an ambulance, so I ran to the office and called 9-11." Now that she thought about it, maybe this was why the hallways were abuzz with excitement this afternoon. It wasn't every day that a student was taken away by ambulance.

"Well, she's lucky you were there," Angela said, although she was thinking about Sharon and Shane on the bleachers together and how awful she probably was to be thinking about that and not necessarily Sharon's condition at that exact moment.

"So are they like friends or something? Sharon and your friend - Shane?" Brian was asking, as though reading her mind.

"Uh, they know each other because of us," Jordan said, shrugging.

"Oh, 'cause for a second it looked like there was like… sexual tension or something, but maybe it was just regular tension, considering the circumstances," Brian said. "Anyway, she's at the general hospital if you want to check in on her. I'm going to go after band practice." He turned and started to walk away.

"Thanks Bri," Angela called after him. "That was weird," she said to Jordan once Brian had moved out of earshot. "God, I pretty much ignored Sharon today when she said she wasn't feeling well!" she groaned and shook her head.

"If she's with Shane, she'll be fine," Jordan said, but Angela had her doubts.

"What if something horrible happened?" Angela persisted.

"Come on, I'll take you to the hospital." Jordan took her hand.

"So where's Cherski? Did she forget she has an abortion information session today?" Rayanne called from down the hallway. Her brazen words caused Angela and Jordan to exchange shocked looks.

"Rayanne!" Angela gave her a disapproving look as she recovered her speech.

'What? No one heard me, just Krakow and Catalano here."

"Something's happened to Sharon, she went to the hospital in an ambulance."

"Oh." Rayanne hushed like a child who had been reprimanded.

"Jordan's going to take us. Come on, let's go."

Angela walked between Rayanne and Jordan, holding each of their hands. She didn't think about how weird this situation was. She was only trying not to panic as she thought about Sharon but the tears of worry came nonetheless.

* * *

><p>Angela had never been crazy about hospitals but she was glad that Jordan and even Rayanne were there to keep her mind occupied, although it was clear that Jordan was getting annoyed by Rayanne, which in true Rayanne fashion, only fuelled her spirits.<p>

"Why does Tino have to be updated about the situation like every fifteen minutes?" he asked Rayanne. "Why would he be interested in this?"

"I dunno, he likes freaky medical stuff."

"He hates the doctor."

"He loves hospitals," Rayanne argued. She unwrapped a lollipop and stuck it in her mouth. Jordan looked away in disgust.

"I'm going outside for a smoke. Jones, come with me," he said. Shane didn't look too keen to leave, but he agreed to go outside with Jordan.

They were in the waiting area by the main doors. Camille was with Sharon while she went for an ultrasound. It was too crowded in the emergency department assessment area for all of them to wait, since Sharon didn't have a proper room or anything – just a bed with a curtain around it. They had been told by Camille that Sharon likely needed surgery and that was all they knew so far.

Angela almost wished that she smoked or drank or something, anything to take her mind off the anxiety of not knowing. Nobody had told her whether Sharon was going to be okay or not. Maybe it was melodramatic, but they had just started to repair their friendship, she didn't want to lose her friend again.

"Do you have another one of those?" Angela asked, gesturing towards the lollipop.

"Yeah, I think so," Rayanne said, rummaging through her bag. "Geez, imagine all the fantastic drugs they could give you in here. Do you think I could seduce one of the interns into giving me something?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Angela said drily. She accepted the candy from Rayanne. When she unwrapped it, she noticed that her hands were shaking. Rayanne noticed too and grabbed her wrists.

"You're scared," Rayanne observed.

"I'm terrified. What if she dies or something? No one has said anything."

"She knows, you know," Rayanne said, suddenly serious.

"She knows what?" Angela asked, surprised.

"That you're sorry, that you like drifted apart or whatever. And that you've been sort of uncomfortable with this whole abortion pregnancy thing."

"She told you that?" Angela asked incredulously.

"No, we're not good enough friends for that. I can just tell. Don't be upset, Angelika, but we're not like you - sex doesn't have to be about love and flowers and rainbows, so sometimes that makes it easier to deal with the consequences, I guess."

Angela chewed on her lip. She didn't know if she was hurt by what Rayanne had said or just sad for them both. She decided that it was a little bit of both. Maybe she was dragging it out, but she wanted her first time to mean something and regardless of what happened between them in the future, she wanted to be able to look back on it as a good decision. She didn't want to go through any of the things that Rayanne and Sharon seemed to have gone through – regret, indifference, even shame. Thinking about this made her think about Rayanne and Jordan again, and she hated that.

"Talk to me, Angelfoodcake."

"Where's Rickie?" Angela asked instead, wishing for his impartiality.

"He's living the good life right now," Rayanne said, "immersing himself in his new culture. He just wants to stay at home all the time with Katimski and Jonathan. He feels like he can be himself around them. It's great, but it means he's never around."

"I wish he could find someone," Angela mused. "He had that huge crush on Corey Helfrick, but Corey liked you I think."

"Yeah well who threw themselves at Corey in an attempt to get Catalano jealous?" Rayanne teased, her eyes sparkling.

"He totally rejected me. It was beyond humiliating." Angela still cringed when she thought about it. She had no feelings for Corey but she didn't relish the thought of rejection either.

"But it worked, right? Catalano noticed, and he tried to get you back and here you are now!"

"Actually, it sort of backfired too," Angela said pointedly. Why did all roads seem to lead to Rayanne and Jordan having sex?

"Stop thinking about that. I know I was a shitty friend but come on, I thought we were past that. Look at what you and Catalano have now. I still have nothing."

"You could have Corey," Angela said, deciding to be kind.

"Rickie wants Corey. I'm not making the same mistake twice!"

Before Angela could reply, she caught sight of her mother walking into the waiting area. She lifted her hand in a small wave to catch her attention.

"Hi girls," Patti greeted them. She couldn't help but hug Angela while Rayanne watched. "Any news yet? I had a meeting so couldn't get here right away."

"Not really. Sharon was seen by the specialists, and they're doing another ultrasound, then she'll probably have to go for surgery," Angela said, finding it harder and harder not to cry again now that her mother was here.

"Oh no, did they say what they were thinking? Camille said it wasn't a miscarriage," Patti sat down and held Angela's hand tightly. "How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm scared," Angela admitted. "But Jordan, Rayanne and Shane have been here too."

"Who's Shane? That's not Sharon's boyfriend's name," Patti said thoughtfully.

"Ha, he wishes or something," Rayanne snickered.

"Shane is a friend of Jordan's. He was with Sharon when she collapsed. I don't think they were hanging out or anything," Angela explained.

"Well Sharon picked the right guy to catch her," Rayanne said.

"What do you mean?" Patti asked with interest.

"Shane's stepdad is an emergency room doctor here, so he called him from the ambulance and told him they were coming. So Sharon was seen right away by the specialists and she didn't have to wait," Angela said.

"That's a good thing," Patti said. "So we should know what's happening very soon."

"Where's Danielle?" Angela asked.

"She went over to a friend's after school. Your father had to work," Patti said simply.

"I can't believe him!" Angela exclaimed. "Can't he take a few hours away from that restaurant just to see how Sharon's doing?"

"He said he would come by later when we knew more about what was going on," Patti said, and there was an edge to her voice that warned Angela not to say any more.

"Oh good, this just got a whole lot more interesting," Rayanne piped up as she eyed the doors in front of them.


	23. Chapter 23

**I'm so sorry to have left my last 2 chapters as cliffhangers... But I have hopefully made up for it with an extra-long chapter here. And yes, you will find out what happened to Sharon here, finally. **

Kyle Vinnovich was striding into the hospital, a crestfallen look on his face. Angela had to admit that she almost felt sorry for him then even though she shouldn't have – he looked so lost, especially without his usual entourage.

They watched him approach the information desk and it was clear from his body language that he wasn't getting the information that he wanted.

"Vinnovich!" Rayanne called out quickly, before he could cause a scene.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, recognizing Rayanne and Angela.

"Duh, we're actually Sharon's friends, remember? Unlike some people."

"Look," Kyle held up his hands, "I know that I was a jackass but she totally sent me mixed messages. One day it was 'I can't live without you Kyle' and the next it was 'Take a hike, Kyle.' Obviously I was pissed off."

"Calm down," Rayanne said, steering him over to where they were sitting. "You don't have to be such a freak, geez."

"I just want to know she's okay! Obviously I'm crazy about her and if she dies or something I'll never forgive myself."

"Bit late for you to show up if that's the case," Rayanne said, straight-faced.

"You mean she's dead?" Kyle was wide-eyed with horror.

"You mean you didn't know?" Rayanne asked innocently.

The mix of horror and grief that flashed across his face in that split-second made Angela's heart fill with pity again.

_People have such different ways of showing they care. My mom fusses. My dad cooks. Rayanne says inappropriate things. Jordan runs away then comes back. I don't know what I do. I guess that I analyze and think about what I should do._

"Come on Rayanne, don't torment the boy," Patti spoke up. "I'm Angela's mom. Sharon's okay but she's probably going to need surgery."

"Oh my god," he said. "Graf you're seriously like demented."

"Well you feel better now that you know she's not dead, don't you?" Rayanne cackled.

"Uh, I guess so," he said reluctantly, but he still looked at Rayanne with suspicion. She smiled sweetly.

"Why don't you go home and relax, Vinnovich. It'll be a few hours before anyone can see her. We'll call you or something," she offered.

"I want to see her," Kyle insisted.

"Dude, we haven't even seen her," Rayanne fibbed. "We're just waiting for her mom, and she's probably not your numero-uno fan, if you know what I'm saying." She was looking at Angela pointedly over Kyle's shoulder as she spoke. Angela turned to see what Rayanne was looking at and caught sight of Jordan and Shane returning from outside. She got up and walked towards them, hoping to stop Kyle from seeing them. She had no idea what he thought was going on between Shane and Sharon or whether he cared.

"What's going on?" Shane asked.

"Nothing, except Sharon's ex Kyle Vinnovich just decided to show up," Angela said quietly. "So maybe we should just…"

Before she could finish her sentence, she saw Kyle get up and stride towards them.

"Hey, are you the guy who was with Sharon today?"

"Yeah," Shane said nonchalantly. "Why?"

"What the hell's going on between you two?" Kyle's voice rose.

"What's it to you?" Shane asked, bored.

"Look, I'm her boyfriend, man, and she totally loves me and wanted to have my baby, so stay away from her."

"Hey if I remember right, you're the ex-boyfriend who blabbed to everyone at school about Sharon and how she'd better 'get rid of it,'" Shane retorted, refusing to back down.

"Stay the fuck away from her!" Kyle got up in Shane's face.

"I think that's Sharon's decision," Shane said calmly.

"Hey!" Angela reacted, grabbing Kyle's shoulder. He pushed her aside.

"This is between me and him."

"Don't touch her again," Jordan growled, fists clenched. Rayanne had suddenly appeared and she hurled a string of insults in Kyle's direction.

"Hey, what is going on here?" A man in a security guard uniform made his way over to them quickly, accompanied by Patti.

"This is seriously out of hand," Patti said. "It's completely unacceptable. This is a hospital!"

Everyone started talking at once, protesting their innocence.

"This guy tried to seduce my girlfriend-"

"He pushed her-"

"She grabbed my arm! That's like assault-"

"Enough!" the guard yelled. "Which one's your kid?" he asked Patti, who pointed at Angela. "Alright, the rest of you, I want you to leave. You're making a scene and it's disturbing to patients and their families. If you don't leave I'm going to call your parents."

"Oh no, not my parents," Rayanne said in mock horror.

"Everyone except this young lady, get out of here before I escort you off the premises myself."

"We're not done here!" Kyle yelled back over his shoulder before he walked towards the doors.

"Angela, stay out of this," Jordan warned. "You too, Graf. Shane can take care of himself."

"But it's totally an injustice!" Angela protested. "All Shane did was help, and Kyle was the idiot. And now you all have to leave?"

"Look, Shane might've gotten too involved," Jordan said quietly. "He's not thinking properly. We'd better just go. Shane can handle it. We'll take Graf home."

Angela was aware that her heart was racing and her mouth was dry. She had a bad feeling that there would be another confrontation outside. She reminded herself that Jordan could take care of himself and had been doing so for a long time.

"Be careful," she whispered. "I don't want you getting expelled for fighting or something."

"Don't worry," he said, kissing the side of her face quickly. "I have to go."

Rayanne kissed her other cheek. "Call me and let me know what's going on." She squeezed her quickly. "Don't worry, I won't let anything happen," she whispered in Angela's ear.

"See ya, Angela," Shane called.

Camille Cherski appeared as Angela and Patti sat back down. She had missed all the commotion, for which Angela was glad.

"Any news?" Patti asked as she embraced her friend. "Graham sends his love," she added.

"She's going for surgery right now. Ectopic pregnancy. Who knew these things were even possible?" she sighed. "My poor little girl, she's been through so much."

"I'm sorry, but what does that even mean?" Angela couldn't help but ask.

"From what they explained, it means that the pregnancy was outside of her uterus, so there was no way it could grow and survive."

"She's going to be fine," Patti said soothingly. "She's a very strong young lady."

"I feel awful for being so hard on her," Camille's voice shook. "If I'd only listened to her when she said she wasn't feeling well this morning…"

"How could you know?" Patti asked reassuringly.

"Is it a big surgery?" Angela asked timidly. She felt awful for interrupting a second time, but she also had to know what was going to happen.

"No sweetie, not really. They just have to fix the part of her tube where the pregnancy accidentally implanted. They think the tube ruptured, which is why she fainted today." Camille's eyes were misty and she looked about to cry. "Where did everyone go?" she looked around for the first time.

"Jordan had to work, and he drove everyone over, so they left," Angela fibbed. She didn't see any point in going into the whole Kyle incident.

"You're a sweetheart for staying," Camille said, "although it will be a few hours before you can see Sharon."

"I can drive you home," Patti offered. Angela shook her head.

"That's okay."

"Hi Mrs. Chase, Mrs. Cherski," another voice greeted them. It was Brian Krakow.

If he was surprised when Angela strode towards him and threw her arms around him, he didn't show it.

* * *

><p>"So like, why did this happen?" Angela asked, fidgeting with a straw from her soda. They had wandered down to the hospital cafeteria<p>

"Well, it sometimes has to do with a defect in the fallopian tube –"

"No Brian, I mean, one minute Sharon has decided on this abortion, then the next she's in the hospital with a pregnancy that can't survive anyway… It's just too weird, you know?"

"You think Sharon wanted this to happen?" Brian asked incredulously.

"No, that would be impossible, right?" she paused, watched him nod almost imperceptibly, "I mean, it's just kind of… interesting that Sharon was totally not into Kyle anymore and she totally knew he wouldn't want to be involved, and it just makes it seem like this whole thing was never meant to be… Do you believe in fate, Bri?"

"Um Angela, there might be a simpler explanation for that…" he shifted uncomfortably.

"What?" she asked tentatively, aware that when he squirmed like that, he was about to tell her something she wouldn't like.

"Kyle might have given Sharon a sexually transmitted disease. That totally increases the rate of ectopic pregnancy."

"How do you know stuff like this?" she asked in disbelief. "Are you like perverted or something? Never mind, I know your parents are doctors and they probably have – "

"A lot of books, that's right," Brian broke in. "It's like, scientific."

"And that's like, interesting to you? Reading about all the things that can go wrong in a pregnancy? Isn't that a little bit… morbid?" She had no idea how their conversation had taken a turn like this or why, she only knew that as usual, it was easier to get annoyed with Brian than deal with her own feelings on the matter.

"Look, Angela, I only read about this stuff when I found out Sharon got pregnant. I just wanted to have some more information in case she… wanted help. Why am I defending myself to you anyway?" He stood up, running his fingers through his hair. "Where's Jordan, by the way? And Rayanne? I thought she wouldn't miss a second of this highly dramatic situation."

"They got kicked out," Angela stifled a laugh.

"What?" A hint of a smile tugged at his lips.

"Kyle showed up, wanting to see Sharon, and he got upset when he saw Shane. There was a bit of a confrontation…"

"Something tells me it was more than a bit," Brian shook his head.

"Jordan and Rayanne got involved, and a security guard showed up and kicked everyone out. I only got to stay because my mom was here."

"Is there something going on between Sharon and Shane?" It was the second time that day he had asked that question.

Angela shrugged. "They both totally deny it, but I'm not so sure."

"You think they're sneaking around?"

"No, I don't think Sharon would hide that from me, and Rayanne would figure it out right away, she has a sixth sense about that kind of stuff. It's more like… I think he likes her, but he's not sure what to do about it, and she likes the attention, but she's also not sure what to do about it. Does that make sense?"

"Is Shane a decent guy?"

"Yeah, I think so. Jordan says he's really bad with girls because he says insensitive things, but he means well. I think he's really been there for Jordan, anyway."

"I think Sharon should think hard before she gets involved with someone again. It's like codependent to jump from one relationship to another."

"Whatever, Brian, I'm sure she'll be fine." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Maybe we should go find my mom and Camille again. Sharon might be out of surgery by now."

The truth was that speaking to Brian had given her a lot to think about, and she was starting to feel overwhelmed.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay, like really?" Angela squeezed Sharon's hand.<p>

Sharon smiled weakly. "Yeah, I feel like a truck ran over me, but I'm fine. The doctors said I can get pregnant again in the future, like when I'm actually ready, obviously."

"I'm glad Shane was with you today," Angela whispered. "I'm sorry that I wasn't."

"It's not your fault, you can't follow me around twenty-four hours a day. And Shane… well, that was just chance. He's a nice guy, but not really my type," Sharon said, answering Angela's unasked question.

"He waited as long as he could, but Jordan had to go, so... you know," Angela decided to leave out the part about Kyle's visit. Sharon would likely find out soon enough, and tonight was not the time to bring it up.

"Sharon needs her rest, sweetie," Patti spoke up. "Maybe we should go home and come back to see her tomorrow."

"Of course, silly me," Angela admonished herself. "It's been a long, crazy day."

"You're telling me," Sharon sighed. "I'm glad it's over though."

Angela silently agreed, although she didn't know if it was all truly over.

* * *

><p>"So… how about I just crash here for a few hours?" he was already lying on the bed, his elbows propped on the pillow.<p>

"What?" she laughed, thinking he was kidding.

"It's late, I don't feel like going home, and you want me here, right?"

"That's besides the point," she said, a bit incredulously. "How are we gonna avoid getting caught?"

He shrugged. "I'm pretty good at getting by undetected."

"What does that even mean?" she asked in amusement, her resolve weakening. He looked so cute on her bed, and if he only stayed for a few hours, maybe her parents wouldn't hear him leave.

"I don't know… I'm quiet, and I'm good at climbing stuff," he smiled mischievously.

"Do you snore?" she asked.

"No," he scoffed, rolling on the pillow so that his cheek was against it.

"Good," she said, settling in beside him. He was still wearing a shirt, and she imagined how warm his skin must be underneath it. She felt thrilled at his closeness, and the fact that he was actually_ staying._ It didn't seem to matter right now that the circumstances were less than ideal and he would likely have to sneak out the back door at the crack of dawn – all that mattered was that he was here, and not going somewhere else.

They lay in silence for a few moments, her face in the crook of his neck, unsure if she should put her arm around him or not. She couldn't tell if he was actually sleeping, or if he was laying awake with his thoughts just like she was. It bothered her that he seemed so focused on sleeping when she was so preoccupied with his presence. He had obviously done this before – slept with someone, and the realization made her a little bit jealous.

_Is this how people spend every night? How do they ever get any sleep? _

She started to pull his shirt off, wanting to feel his skin against hers.

"What are you doing?" his voice was muffled by the pillow, but he didn't make a move to stop her.

"Aren't you hot?" she feigned innocence.

He lifted his head off the pillow and glanced at her. His eyes widened when he saw that she had removed her own top.

"You're gonna get us in trouble," he growled, reaching for her.

"It's fine," she said, although it wouldn't be, if they got caught. She just wanted to feel his arms around her, his bare skin against hers. Every nerve in her body seemed to tighten as he ran his fingers down her back, his lips grazing her collarbone and her neck. Impatiently, she pulled him closer and kissed his lips. The immediate response from his body was gratifying, as he ground his hips into hers and his heartbeat quickened against her chest.

Finally, he moaned and pushed her off of him.

"We can't do this here," he whispered.

"But don't you… want this?" she couldn't believe the pleading tone of her own voice, it was sad, somehow.

"Well yeah…" he gestured at his own visible state of arousal. He had left his boxers on. "But if we get caught…" his voice trailed off.

"Well what's the difference? If she catches us together she'll assume we've been doing stuff anyway," she argued.

"Trust me, this isn't easy for me," he said.

"I can't believe this," she said. "It's just too…"

"Ironic?" he finished for her.

"Yeah, exactly. You're finally here and we have like, some degree of stolen privacy, and you're the one stopping me?"

"Shh," he warned, a finger to her lips. When he judged that it was safe to speak again: "Look, today was a really long, weird day. Your mom… might understand if you and I were hanging out and accidentally fell asleep, but she would not be cool with us messing around, you know?"

"I guess," she admitted grudgingly. "I cannot believe you care what Patti thinks."

"Well I don't want your mom to hate me, or whatever." He found his shirt in the dark and pulled it back on. "And I don't want to rush it, you know? It should mean something."

Obviously, "it" meant sex.

"If you think that I'm like, throwing myself at you because of what happened with Sharon or whatever, you're wrong," she whispered loudly. She reached onto the floor and pulled her pyjama top back on.

He shrugged. "It's just been a weird day, that's all." He lay on his back and looked up at the ceiling. "And I don't want you to regret how it happens, or whatever."

"Fine," she said. She still felt a little hurt by his rejection and embarrassed by her brazenness, but she supposed he had a point. In fact, it was almost scary that he seemed to know just what she needed today, before she realized it herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered at last. "Maybe I was getting a little caught up in all the drama today."

"Don't be mad at me, okay?" he reached over and touched her cheek. "I'm like, happy this happened, alright?"

"Alright," she acquiesced. "Let's just forget about it."

He only ran his fingers through her hair one more time and smiled.

"Can you scratch my back, Ange?" he rolled away from her.

"O-kay," she sighed in mock annoyance.

"It's so quiet here, you must get great sleeps," he remarked sleepily.

"Not bad, I guess." She had never thought about it before, and suddenly the implications of his casual remark in light of her own upbringing made her feel guilty.

"It's like, I can always hear music, or fighting, or crying…" he was saying. "It's nice not to hear that stuff sometimes…"

In the morning, he was gone. Angela wasn't surprised – she suspected he didn't sleep much, and it certainly saved them from being discovered by Patti or Graham. When she rolled over onto the pillow he'd slept on, it smelled like him.


	24. Chapter 24

**I had this chapter more or less written already, so I figured I would post it quickly! Thanks for reading & reviewing!**

"Look, Angela, I don't think I can do this." Jordan's knuckles tightened around the steering wheel and she noticed them starting to turn white.

"What, are you like scared or something? It's just my dad!" she exclaimed, letting out a small peal of laughter. She stopped short when she realized that he wasn't even smiling.

"No, it's not that," he shook his head, ran a hand absently through his hair. "You don't get it."

"What is the big deal? I want to know what my dad is so busy doing these days. I want to see the renovations at the restaurant. Why can't you just take me downtown? I'll even take the bus back if you need to be somewhere."

He shook his head again. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?" she persisted.

He sighed and slouched further down into the seat. He was suddenly very tired. He was aware that she was waiting for his reply and likely growing more agitated by the second as she analyzed the reasons for his silence, but he couldn't deal with her when she was like this. Jordan had sat by silently while Angela vented about her father never being home and spending too much time with Hallie Lowenthal (whom Jordan had met and although he'd found her way too intense she was kind of cute, for an older broad) but he couldn't be silent about this. He didn't know what Graham was up to either, but he didn't have a good feeling about any of it. How could he explain to her that he'd grown up watching the adults around him screw up, to the point where it became expected? He knew it had changed him, scarred him, somehow. He couldn't explain it to her, she would never understand, but he didn't want the same for her. Somehow, it just made more sense to spare her.

"I have to meet Tino," he said instead.

"I can't believe you're doing this again!" she exclaimed.

"Doing what?" he asked, defensive.

"Making excuses instead of talking to me!"

"I'm not," he said, but he looked away.

"Jordan…" She wasn't prepared to let this go. "What is the big deal?"

"Angela, sometimes…" he paused, licked his lips, "sometimes it's better not to know everything."

"What, am I supposed to just live in ignorance forever? What if their marriage is like, at stake or something?" she protested, clearly not seeing his point of view.

"Look," he turned to face her. "Your dad's a stand-up guy. He'll do the right thing, whatever that is."

"Fine." She was still never fully prepared for Jordan's fleeting moments of profoundness so she was willing to be appeased by the fact that he had clearly been thinking about this, and although she couldn't agree with him, she had to accept that he had his reasons. "Can you take me to see Sharon then?"

* * *

><p>"So I was just telling Cherski here, big pissing contest going on for her affection," Rayanne gesticulated excitedly.<p>

"I need to get out of here," Sharon rolled her eyes. "I swear, I am going to hate hospitals for the rest of my life."

"Kyle and Shane are still at each other's throats?" Angela asked.

"You didn't see them in the hallway today? They walked by each other, real slow, and just kept looking at each other, like they were a couple of dogs or something! It was a riot!" Rayanne burst into laughter.

"Ugh, guys are so immature," Sharon said. "It has nothing to do with me, it's just this hierarchical behaviour, like who's the alpha male or whatever."

"You should have seen them downstairs in the lobby, Cherski! Kyle was flipping out and Shane wasn't giving him the time of day. Then we all got kicked out by the security guard, but Angelika got to stay, and I practically had to restrain Jones by the collar, he was itching for a fight." Her voice rose excitedly as she re-enacted the events from two nights ago.

"Whatever, Kyle's not a fighter," Sharon said. "And none of his football friends want to get in trouble for fighting either. I predict it's all going to end very anti-climactically."

"So Angelika, imagine how pissed Kyle was when he showed up today and Shane and I were here!"

"Kyle keeps trying to see you, huh?"

"Those flowers are from him," Sharon pointed at two large bouquets on the windowsill behind her among several elaborate floral arrangements. "And so are the teddy bears."

"Wow, somebody's popular," Angela remarked, hoping it didn't sound sarcastic.

"Whatever, everyone just feels guilty for treating me like a pariah," Sharon rolled her eyes.

"What are you going to do about Kyle?"

"Nothing. Just because he shows up with some flowers and tries to get into a fight with another guy he thinks is a threat doesn't mean I'm going to get back together with him. He ditched me when it mattered, and I'm not going to forget that."

"But he's begging for your forgiveness!" Rayanne threw herself across the bed dramatically. "I will do anything to win you back, Sharon! Anything!"

"Stop making me laugh, it hurts!" Sharon clutched her belly.

"Are you going to have big scars?" Angela asked curiously.

"No, didn't I show you already?" Sharon lifted up her gown so they could see her bellybutton, which had a piece of white tape across it. "That's one of the incisions – it's like half an inch across, and there are two more lower down. That's it. They did everything through cameras or something."

"Very nice. You can hide it under a bikini," Rayanne said approvingly. "It'll be almost like the whole thing never happened."

Something shifted in Sharon's face as Rayanne said that, but it was gone in a moment.

"So get me out of here, already! I'm so sick of hospital food. Can you believe I miss school? Krakow came to see me last night and I swear it was so good to see him!"

"Good ol' Krakow," Rayanne said. "Always there to satisfy our needs." She smiled suggestively, and Angela and Sharon rolled their eyes at one another.

"Um, did he tell you what he read in some medical textbook? That Kyle could have given you like some… STD, and that's why all of this happened." She had to lower her voice for the last part, it just sounded wrong for some reason.

Sharon shrugged. "Yeah, it's possible. The doctors couldn't tell, so they treated me for everything just in case."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's just some antibiotics, not a big deal," Sharon shrugged again, exchanged a look with Rayanne. "He'll have to be treated at some point too, I guess."

"Well that's good, I guess. I'm glad you're not more… upset," Angela said carefully.

"Well, two of us were involved in this mess, right? There's no point in getting more upset over things I can't control."

"I think that's great, Cherski. And that's another reason to stay away from Kyle when you start to feel lonely again," Rayanne chuckled, raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Of course, you can always start cuddling up to Shane. I'm sure he won't mind."

"There will be no cuddling with anyone!" Sharon exclaimed, laughing a little, but she looked serious too. "Sex got me in trouble in the first place. I'm waiting for a long time before I do it again."

"Don't wait too long," Rayanne said. "Use it or lose it, right?" She looked meaningfully at Angela. "On that note, I have to go. Tino is taking me to coax Rickie out of his self-induced prison."

"Okay, be good," Sharon said.

"Send Rickie my love," Angela said.

Rayanne blew them both kisses and left.

"Angela," Sharon said timidly when they were alone. There were tears starting to spill from her eyes.

"Yeah?" Angela said softly, feeling her own throat tighten.

"Through this whole ordeal, I never let myself cry. I thought it meant I was strong, or something."

"And now?" Angela prompted her gently.

"Now, I don't care about being strong anymore. I know that I'll be okay, but… I just need this."

* * *

><p>When Angela called home for a ride, she was surprised when her father picked up.<p>

"I'll be there in ten minutes," he said before she could say anything else.

She waited idly in the hospital lobby, cursing herself for feeling awkward. He was her father and until this year, they had always gotten along great. She didn't know why she suddenly felt this sense of dread in her stomach as she waited for him.

She took her time getting into his car, despite her initial impatience for his arrival. Now that he was here, she didn't know if she wanted to address the proverbial elephant in the room.

They drove in silence for a while, after his initial questions were met with one-word answers. Sharon was fine, school was okay, Jordan was fine. (It was all true, she rationalized.)

They pulled into the driveway at the house and he shut the engine off.

"Angela," her father began.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked, although she was afraid that she knew the answer already.

"That's what I need to talk to you about," he said.

"Just like that? That's how you tell me?"

"Angela, that's not – "

"It's true, isn't it? You were home earlier to talk to Mom and get your stuff, right?"

"Well yes, but –"

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "Do you think I haven't noticed?"

"I guess that I haven't been around much," he said.

"Yeah, it didn't take much to see that you're never home, that you come home late, that you're distracted and just… not there anymore."

"And that's what your mother and I are working on – my inability to be present, being able to prioritize things."

"I don't think you have a problem prioritizing things. I think the problem is that your priorities have changed!" She half didn't believe that she was saying these things, but she knew they were true. "It's like, you always think everyone is having more fun than you, and that you're missing out, or something. And now you're seeing what else you could have done with your life."

"Maybe," he conceded after several moments of silence. "But it doesn't mean I don't love you, your mom and Danielle. Don't ever doubt that."

"What now then?" she asked flatly.

"I'll be staying at Neil's for a while."

"And then what? You move out permanently?" she snapped.

"That's not the plan, no," he said, but she didn't hear any conviction in his voice. Maybe she didn't want to.

"I've got to go," she said abruptly. "I can't take anymore tonight." She reached for the door handle and let herself out.

"I'm sorry," her father said.

Angela had to walk away before he could see her cry. She wouldn't let him see her tears – not now, maybe not ever.

She was afraid to meet Patti as she walked into the front hallway – she didn't know how her mother would be handling this. Would she be strong and put on a brave face, or would she be a mess? There was nothing to compare this to.

"Angela, is that you?" her mother's voice drifted down from upstairs.

"Yeah, it's me," she called back, trying to hide the sorrow from her voice.

"How's Sharon?" her mother asked, appearing on the stairs.

"Better," she said, but her voice broke.

"Oh sweetie," her mother said, immediately putting her arms around her. "I know it's tough. But we'll be okay."

"I'm sorry," Angela sobbed.

"Me too, honey, me too." This time, she heard the grief in her mother's voice.

She didn't know what had changed or why things had to change, but they had, and there just didn't seem to be any way to fix them anymore. She thought about chemical reactions in science class – they were irreversible, final, never to be undone. Sometimes better things emerged, but sometimes, all that was left were ashes.


	25. Chapter 25

**Hi everyone, I don't know if anyone is reading this anymore but I have been short on both time and inspiration. I started this chapter months ago but couldn't finish it until now. I'm obviously not updating as often but I still want to finish this story so thanks for reading! I own nothing.  
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Chapter 25

"Hi Jordan," Patti greeted him. "I don't think Angela's going to school today. She isn't feeling well."

"Oh," Jordan said, standing in the doorway.

"But you're welcome to come in and have some coffee, if you want."

"Um, sure," he said, never one to turn down food. "Is Angela alright?"

"This has all been very hard on all of us, but especially her, I think - with her dad, you know," Patti whispered, as she opened the door wider to let him in. Jordan nodded, not sure what to say, since he didn't really know what she was talking about.

"Wait – I don't know what you're talking about," he admitted quietly. "Angela never told me."

"I guess she wouldn't have had the chance…" Patti sighed. "Well, her dad's gone to stay with his brother."

"Oh," Jordan managed to get out. "Like, for now?" He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, cursing the fact that he never seemed to be able to think quickly enough to say the right thing. Patti didn't seem to notice.

"I guess," she shrugged. "We're still talking, of course, but we just need some space. Anyway, you don't need to hear about this boring adult stuff." She steered him towards the kitchen.

"Why does Angela get to stay home from school and I have to go?" Danielle was complaining loudly in the kitchen where she was fussing with her breakfast, saving Jordan from further conversation.

"Angela isn't feeling well, sweetie," Patti said quietly to her.

"Does she have her period?" Danielle said loudly.

"No, and use your inside voice please," Patti said irritably, gesturing that he should take a seat. She poured coffee into a mug as he sat down at the table. "Your sister isn't feeling well and that's that." She mouthed "Sorry" at Jordan over Danielle's head and nudged the sugar bowl towards him.

"Well, I'd rather we told the truth around here instead of covering things up," Danielle said.

"Who's covering things up?" Patti asked, with the faintest of eye-rolls.

"Where's Daddy?"

"At Uncle Neil's. We already went through this."

"Are you getting a divorce?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nobody's getting a divorce," Patti said firmly. "Now go and get ready. The school bus is coming."

"Sorry," Patti sighed as Danielle grudgingly left for school. "This has been hard on everyone. Danielle just shows it differently than Angela."

"Are you doing okay?" Jordan asked.

Patti looked touched for a moment, and he worried that she might cry, then she seemed to pull herself out of it. "Yeah, I'm okay. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, but I'm just trying to stay busy, which isn't hard." She slid a plate of untouched toaster waffles in front of him. "Breakfast isn't up to its usual standards in the Chase household these days, I'm afraid."

"I'll eat anything," Jordan said with a shrug.

Patti smiled, acknowledging to herself that she was grateful that Angela had him while the family went through this. She was starting to realize that beneath the surface, he was nothing like Tony Poole at all, and that was a good thing.

"I'm sure Angela will be glad to see you before you head off to school," Patti said after he silently demolished all the food in sight. "It might cheer her up a little."

"Are you sure?" he asked, feeling uncomfortable. Crying girls - if she were crying - were not his domain at all.

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll make an exception this time. I have to get ready for work. Life goes on, I suppose."

It felt weird going up the stairs in broad daylight.

"Hey," he stood in her doorway. "Can I come in?"

"I can't believe she let you come up here."

He lingered in the doorway. "She said it was an exception."

"I look like crap," Angela said. She was sitting on the windowseat facing the window, wearing an old sweatshirt and a pair of what looked like pajama bottoms. She was also playing the most depressing-sounding music he'd ever heard in his life.

"I thought I'd take you to school, but I guess you're not going. So I thought I'd say hi."

"Hi," she said morosely.

"Hi," he said, coming in. He sat on the unmade bed, waiting, although he wasn't sure what for.

She turned to face him. There were dark circles under her eyes and her eyes were red, as if from crying, although she wasn't crying then. He thought about the first time she had sought him out when she was upset about something – she had been crying then, and he'd been curious about the source of her tears. This was different though – more personal, somehow, and rather than feeling curious, he felt... understanding maybe.

"I told you I looked like crap."

"Not crap," he said. "Unhappy, yeah. What's up?"

"I'm assuming Patti told you."

He shrugged. "A little."

"I knew it was coming, but it still like, stunned me with how badly it hurt when he finally told me he was going to stay with his brother, you know? It's like, you prepare yourself for bad news to the point that when it comes, you're not ready for it. That doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel."

"It doesn't not make sense." He hoped that sentence was coherent.

"Look, if you don't want to be around all this doom and gloom, I understand." She looked down and fidgeted with a loose thread on her sleeve. "I'm probably not going to be myself for a while."

He got up from the bed and went to where she was. He put his arms around her and she buried her face into his shoulder.

"You don't have to stay, you know," she whispered. "This – I – can get a little… stuck in my head."

"I know," he said.

"So if you want to bail, you can, or whatever. I don't expect – "

"I know," he cut her off. "Just stop."

"Stop what?" she asked, surprised.

"Trying to like, think for me. You think too much."

"I can't stop it," she admitted. "I know it doesn't help anything, but…"

"Just try. You'll feel better," he said. "I have to go to first but I can come back after and pick you up."

"Sick of me already, right?" she said morosely.

"I'm coming back," he said.

"Well I guess if school isn't as captivating as usual, come on back," she said.

"I'm coming right back, Ange," he said. He had no idea what he was doing, but it felt right – it felt like what he wanted.

* * *

><p>"You blinked! I win!" Angela exclaimed, pointing at Jordan and laughing for the first time in what seemed like days, as they both lay on the hood of his car, facing each other. "What do I win?"<p>

"A big kiss from me."

"I think you lost on purpose," she complained good-naturedly as he brought his face closer to hers. They kissed for a few moments, before she seemed to come back to herself and pulled away.

"I just never saw this coming," she said, rolling onto her back and looking up at the sky. "Is it wrong that we're sitting here and I'm enjoying myself while my family is like falling apart?" She wondered aloud. "Obviously my family is far from perfect, but I never thought my dad would like, give up on their marriage and walk out on all of us." She paused and pulled her sweater closer to herself. "Am I boring you? I'm sorry if I keep talking about this."

Jordan shrugged. "It's okay."

"Yeah. I guess that I'm still like, shocked. I know that I shouldn't be, and things between them probably haven't been great for a while, but it doesn't help that there is potentially another woman in the picture."

"Do you know that?" he asked, lazily lighting a cigarette and watching smoke trail off the end of it.

"No, but it wouldn't surprise me. There have been other incidences, I think…" she trailed off and closed her eyes. "I should stop thinking about this, it's starting to make me feel sick."

"Your dad's a good guy. It could – he could be worse."

"I know…" she looked at him and wished he would elaborate – there was still so much she didn't know. But a part of her thought sometimes, what would be different if she knew… more than she knew? She could tell they both had an idea what the other was thinking but steadfastly refused to acknowledge it.

"I'm sorry I keep talking about this," she said again. "I know that he loves us, and I know that it could be worse."

"Trust me, it could be worse," he said.

They looked at each other silently for a moment.

"Your sister's going to be home soon, let's get out of here," he said finally. "She'll freak if she finds out you left the house."

* * *

><p>"Were you guys alone here, like all day making out?" Danielle asked suspiciously.<p>

"Jordan went to school," Angela rolled her eyes. "I was stuck here by myself."

"Is it okay with my mom that you're here when she's not home?" Danielle asked Jordan, her tone skeptical. The two of them were sitting at the kitchen table while Angela rummaged through the refrigerator looking for something edible.

"Danielle, it's fine," Angela said with more confidence than she felt. "Now stop interrogating everyone."

"Why wouldn't it be okay?" Jordan asked.

"You know… because of what happened with Sharon," Danielle said coyly.

"What do you know about Sharon?" Angela asked, slamming the fridge door in shock.

"Everything," Danielle smiled proudly.

"You do not," Angela narrowed her eyes, hands on her hips.

"Do too," her sister countered.

"I don't believe it," Angela said to no one in particular.

"I know she got pregnant and it was by accident, and she had an operation because she got sick," Danielle blurted out.

"Wow, nothing gets by you, does it?" Jordan said. "I used to be totally… what's that word – it's like obvious?"

"Oblivious," Angela said. "Clearly someone is listening when they shouldn't be." She gave Danielle a pointed glare.

"Yeah I was like oblivious. But then I realized that I was missing out on things around me." He looked at her and smiled.

"Adults forget I'm around, or they think I'm too young to understand," Danielle said confidingly. "But I'm really a lot more grown-up than they think."

"Don't grow up too fast," Angela said. "Seriously. And don't let Mom know how much you know about Sharon. I can't believe you eavesdropped."

"Nobody told me anything and bad things were obviously happening," Danielle said. "Wouldn't you want to know?"

"I don't know anymore," Angela said, closing her eyes. "Sometimes it's better not to know."

"Are your parents divorced?" Danielle suddenly asked Jordan.

"Well technically they were never married, so… no."

_I didn't know that. At least, I don't think I did. _

"Are they still together?" she persisted.

"No, not really," he said.

"Danielle, stop being nosy."

"I'm never going to get married," Danielle said solemnly.

"You don't know that," Angela chided her. "Quit being so serious."

"Do you ever want to get married?" Danielle asked Jordan. "Because Angela probably wants to know."

"If she wants to know, she'll ask me," he grinned, looking pointedly at her.

She could feel her cheeks flushing under both their gazes. He hadn't reacted in the way she expected.

"Trust me, if I wanted to know, I would ask," she said, looking away in an attempt to hide the smile that pulled at the corners of her mouth.

"Ooh burn," Danielle said, giggling. "You're not going to let her get away with that, are you Jordan?"

Jordan smiled and shrugged. His eyes caught hers and she found herself smiling back. She had no idea what he was thinking but for once, she figured it was okay.

"I should get going," he said. "Band practice."

"I'll walk you out," she said. He took her hand as they walked to the door together.

"I apologize for my sister again," she said when they were outside.

"It's cool," he said. "She's not shy, that's for sure. So are you going to school tomorrow?"

"Probably. Patti won't see any reason for me to skip another day. So I guess I'll se you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," he kissed her, his hands against the small of her back. "I think things will be okay."

"I wish I had your confidence," she said in a low voice.

"Look, I'm not just saying that. I really think that you, no matter what, will always be okay."

It was a strange thing to say, especially coming from Jordan, but it made her feel a little bit better.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks for your ongoing support! **

"God, I'm not dead, people!" Sharon muttered under her breath as she walked through the crowded hallway with Rayanne. Some students smiled and said hello, but the majority moved aside and let her pass.

Kyle Vinnovich stalked by them and gave Rayanne a murderous look.

"What are you looking at?" she demanded.

"Not much," he retorted.

"Ooh someone's not getting any," she said loudly.

"Did you say something?" Sharon asked Rayanne pointedly, after he passed. "You know, about Kyle potentially giving me an STD?"

"Who, me?" Rayanne said innocently.

"Come on, Rayanne. I've only been back at school for all of like, one hour, and I've seen the way he looks at me, and the way everyone else is looking at him." Now everyone was avoiding him, as if just standing in his vicinity meant catching some sort of fatal disease.

"Okay, fine, I might have cornered him after school, and there might have been oh, a few football players in close proximity," Rayanne said, in a "So what?" tone of voice.

"Rayanne! Why do you have to do things like that? Now everyone hates me."

"Nobody hates you," Rayanne said. "It's a matter of working the correct angle. You are the poor innocent victim of all this nonsense. You're the one who passed out at school and almost like, died. He's just the dirtbag who knocked you up."

"People are talking. Now I'm gonna be seen as this huge slut."

"Relax, Chersky. You're too uptight. This will all blow over, unless you exceed people's expectations. Come on, girl's bathroom now."

"Angelika!" Rayanne greeted Angela, who was waiting for them by the sinks. Angela gave Sharon a hug.

"How goes it out there?" she asked.

"Everyone is staring, and everyone is avoiding Kyle, thanks to Rayanne here."

"Isn't that what you want?" Rayanne argued.

"It's what you want," Angela chided her.

"Okay, maybe," Rayanne relented.

"Things will go back to normal. You're way too well-liked for people to see you any other way," Angela reassured her. Sharon gave her a tight smile.

"Did you ever think, Cherski, that things are going to work out waaay better this way than if you'd gone through that abortion thing?" Rayanne hopped up onto the ledge by the window. "Stroke of luck, really, if you ask me."

"Wow. You really have no filter whatsoever, do you?" Sharon sounded irritated, but she was starting to know better than to take Rayanne's words seriously.

"I speak the truth, and you know it." She whipped out a compact and an eyeliner pencil and proceeded to line her eyes dramatically with a cat-eye. "So Angelika, how are we going to exploit your newfound freedom?"

Angela's eyes widened. "My mom isn't going to start loosening all the rules just because my dad's not living with us."

"Au contraire, ma chere, do you think I was born yesterday? My parents haven't been together for eight years. I think I know what I'm talking about."

"How are things at home?" Sharon asked tentatively, ignoring Rayanne.

Angela shrugged, felt a little lump in her throat. "Weird. I mean, we all sort of tiptoed around the fact that my dad was never around, but now that it's like, out in the open, it's like right there, but no one wants to touch it because that would make it completely real. My mom is trying to act like everything is fine, but I hear her pacing in her room at night."

Sharon made a sympathetic face and squeezed her arm. "This must be so hard for you. You were always a daddy's girl."

"I haven't been for a long time," Angela said, hoping that she wouldn't cry.

"They haven't said it's over, right? Maybe they're working on things," Sharon said hopefully. "They've been married for like, eighteen years or something, right? They're not just going to give up."

"It's never been this bad before. And my dad never had an attractive female business partner. He always worked for my mom."

Sharon shot her another sympathetic look.

"I remember when my dad left," Rayanne said. "My mom was screaming and throwing his stuff outside, so it was a bit different, I guess."

"They were so quiet, it was like, eerie. I almost hoped for some kind of blowout," Angela said.

"You Chases are polite people. No yelling, no barging through doors, no exacting revenge—"

"Okay Rayanne, so we're boring."

"No you just do the right things, instead of giving into your impulses." She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "You know, now would be a great time for you and Catalano to take advantage of your newfound freedom and um…"

"Do you really think I'm going to have more freedom?" Angela asked, momentarily distracted. "And is it horrible that I'm like, thinking about _that,_ at a time like this?"

"No," Sharon and Rayanne said at the same time.

"Our little Angelika is going to lose her innocence," Rayanne said gleefully.

"Just make sure you use protection, okay?" Sharon added.

"Guys, it's not just going to happen tonight or anything," Angela protested.

"But the opportunity will present itself, I'm telling you," Rayanne said. "Think about the other day – if your sister has some kind of after-school activity or your mom takes off for the night with Cherski's mom or something…" Her eyes widened. "We should make this happen! Cherski, your mom is Angela's mom's best friend. Convince her to take her away for a girls' weekend or something. I would ask my mom to do it but I'm pretty sure Patti thinks Amber is a weirdo."

"I don't know if I can knowingly help my friend get corrupted," Sharon said doubtfully.

"Oh come on, Spring Break is coming and our friend here needs to get some."

"Fine, I'll talk to my mom, but Angela has to agree."

"Angelika, stop looking so scared."

"I'm not scared," Angela insisted. "But we should like, do other things first. You know, with clothes off." Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"Wow, you're so cute when you're nervous," Rayanne chuckled.

"Guys this is embarrassing," Angela whined.

"Nobody's perfect, right?" Sharon smiled.

"Least of all you," Rayanne scoffed playfully. "Look at both of you. Broken home, misplaced pregnancy. I feel almost normal!"

"Too soon, Rayanne, too soon," Angela said.

* * *

><p>Sharon cursed herself for missing the bus. Being back at school felt strange because as much as she tried not to let it bother her, she still knew people were judging her and saying things about her. The yearbook meeting had been so awkward, and Brian had been no help. She swore even Delia Fischer was treating her differently. She knew that she could defend herself, but it was easier to have Rayanne and Angela around as buffers – Rayanne wasn't bothered by anything, it seemed, and Angela wasn't afraid to speak her mind if needed. The problem, Sharon thought, was that there was no comfortable way to broach this situation. She hadn't been sick, exactly, and she suspected that many people knew about her appointment at the abortion clinic, and this was a topic that divided many. Everyone seemed to have something to say on the matter despite the fact that most of them had probably never been in that situation. Well, now she had. She knew it had changed her in some way, and she vowed to find some kind of positive spin on it. Maybe a fundraiser or a bake sale…<p>

"Hey, need a ride?"

"Who, me?" Sharon turned around to see who was speaking to her. She really hoped it wasn't a sleazy guy who thought she would get into the backseat with him.

"Yeah, you," Shane grinned at her from the driver's side of a sports car.

"Is that your car?" she asked.

"No, it's my stepdad's. She needed an oil change so I said I'd do it after class. Using school equipment, of course."

"That's thoughtful of you, I guess," she said.

"Get in," he opened the passenger door.

"My mother warned me about getting into the backseats of cars with boys," she said, the irony not lost on her.

"This car doesn't have a backseat." He patted the seat next to him.

"I guess I'm safe then," she muttered, getting into the car. "Do you know where I live?"

"No. Do you have to go straight home?"

"Where else would I go?"

He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ugh Shane, not you too. Despite what just happened, I am not a slut like people say I am."

"I know," he said, his expression momentarily becoming serious. "You were just less lucky than most."

"Whatever." She waved her hand dismissively. "Head towards the rec centre please." She fastened her seatbelt and leaned back into the seat. "Ooh leather seats, nice."

"Was today your first day back at school?"

"What, you didn't miss me?" she asked sarcastically.

"Well, you know…" he gave her his best seductive look and she laughed.

"Yeah, it was weird. I think people don't know how to act. I mean, it's an unconventional situation." She realized that it actually felt nice to talk to someone who knew and didn't seem to be judging her. "Has Kyle been giving you a hard time?"

"A couple of dirty looks, whatever. I can take him," he said confidently.

"You boys and your stupid bravado."

"So are you getting back together with him?"

"What's it to you?" she asked coyly, looking at him sideways.

"Nothing. Just making conversation," he smiled.

"Oh. Well in that case, no. We're done. Turn left at the stop sign up there."

"Well, that's good news… for me."

"Shane, stop it!" she giggled. "Turn right at the next street. My house is four blocks up on the right side."

"Can I take you to a movie sometime?"

"Shane…" she sighed.

"What? You don't like movies?"

"It's that house up there, the white one. Sure, I like movies. Sometimes."

"So what's the problem?"

"This is too complicated," she said.

"You can use me for my body, then it won't be too complicated. I won't mind."

"You're terrible," she said, but she laughed.

He pulled up to the curb next door and put the car in park, the engine idling.

"I think you're pretty. I know you like talking to me. So what's the problem?"

"It's a bit soon. Last week, I was pregnant by some guy. Today was my first day back at school. I have so much homework to catch up on and the preliminary draft of the yearbook is due in three weeks and I don't even have a template yet! Shane, my life is crazy right now. I'm grateful that you've been my friend through all of this, but that's all we can be right now."

"Well, if you change your mind, here's my number," he said, seemingly unfazed, scribbling onto a torn-off piece of cigarette packet.

"What if I call you to talk?" she countered, reluctantly accepting the piece of cigarette packet.

"I guess we can do that too," he said in mock-exasperation.

"Thanks for the ride," she said, "and for you know, everything else." She opened the passenger door.

"Hey, don't I get a hug first?"

"You never give up, do you?" She undid her seat belt and put her arms around him. For a split-second, she wondered if he would kiss her, and for a fleeting moment, she almost wished he would. Then the moment passed.

"See you around," he said. "And don't forget to call me if you feel like taking me up on that offer. I'm very discrete."

She had no choice but to laugh again, never knowing if he was serious or not.

"I'll see you later, Shane," she said, trying to keep the flirty tone out of her voice.

"Call me," he said. "Anytime."

She got out of the car and turned around, leaning against the open door. "So tell me, what's more important to you - getting to know me or getting in my pants?"

"What if I told you that I really respected you?" he grinned.

"I would say you were full of it," she retorted, shutting the door and turning around.


	27. Chapter 27

**Here is a short update that I had a lot of fun writing. And I was finally ready to introduce a "new" character. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for your support. **

"Yo Catalano, what's with the face? You look like you've given new meaning to the term 'blue balls,'" Shane shoved him playfully, threatening to knock the cigarette that was perched between his lips.

"Speak for yourself," Jordan growled, but his lips twisted into a frown as he tried to light his cigarette with a spent lighter. Irritated, he hurled the empty lighter to the ground.

"Hey I only propositioned her, and yeah she turned me down but whatever, it's not like we've been dating for months and months." He flicked his own lighter and lit Jordan's smoke.

"Not yet, anyway," Jordan scoffed, exhaling.

"A girl like that don't wanna date me," Shane said. "She cares too much about her reputation and shit."

"I can't believe you said that to her," Jordan shook his head. "Real smooth, man."

"Hey you don't know until you try."

"You're goddam crazy, man. That kinda shit will get you in trouble."

"Can't be any worse than the trouble you're in." He gestured at his friend with his cigarette. "All these hot chicks wanna get with you and you want a girl who won't put out."

"Her parents are always home. She's not some slut." He tossed his half-smoked cigarette onto the grass and ground it out. "What am I gonna do, bring her to my place?" The frustration was evident in his voice.

Shane shrugged. "I guess not."

"Are you fucking kidding me? There's no way she's meeting my old man, or his skank girlfriend. "

They sat in silence for a while, Shane smoking and flicking his lighter, Jordan kicking at the rocks on the playground.

"You could just leave, you know," Shane began quietly. It wasn't the first or last time he was saying it and they both knew it.

"It's not that simple," Jordan said brusquely. Shane heard the edge in his voice but something made him press on.

"Are you hoping she'll come back or something?"

Jordan's head snapped up. "Who?"

"You know who." Shane's voice was blunt, though not unkind.

He sighed. "It's not like it'll be any better if she's there."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

Jordan closed his eyes. "Three, four years or something. Showed up out of the blue." He shoved his hands into his pockets and slouched down. "I hope she never comes back."

"Does she – Angela – know anything about this stuff?"

"She knows it's not good." Jordan shrugged again, tracing a line in the dirt with his foot. "You'd better not say anything-"

"You can still crash at my place whenever shit gets rough."

"Yeah, I'm sure the Doc would love that," Jordan said sarcastically.

"He told you so himself, after that time –"

Jordan held out his hand, silencing him. "So my dad's an asshole… sometimes. Big deal, I can handle it."

"I'm just saying," Shane said.

"Don't worry about it."

More silence. They both shifted uncomfortably, knowing they never talked about this kind of stuff because it never went anywhere.

"Louie's?" Shane said finally, breaking the silence first. "Tino said some of the guys might be there."

"Yeah, okay," Jordan said absently. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his keys.

* * *

><p>"Catalano, Jones, so kind of you to grace us with your presence," the dark-haired, chiseled, olive-skinned young man spoke up as they arrived. He was surrounded by the usual entourage and had clearly just ordered a giant tray of shots, most of which had already been consumed. He picked up two full shot glasses and shoved them towards the newcomers.<p>

"I know, Valentino, we really shouldn't have," Shane grinned, downing the shot. Jordan followed suit.

"What's the occasion, Tino?" he asked, slamming the glass on the table upside-down and reaching for another.

"Why must there be a reason to celebrate? Isn't the fact that we're young, alive and beautiful enough?" he cocked his eyebrow and a slow, crooked grin spread across his face.

"Hear hear!" Shane picked up another shot and raised his glass.

"He was talking about everyone except you," Rayanne piped up. Jordan hadn't noticed her sitting there amongst his friends, although he shouldn't have been surprised. Tino liked having her around.

The table erupted in a chorus of "Ooohs."

"Shut up, Graf," Shane said good-naturedly. "I know you think I'm sexy."

"You're just irresistible," she shot back, not missing a beat. "A regular ladies' man."

"Aw shucks," he shoved his hands into his pockets, shrugged his shoulders and cocked his head. "I'm so flattered. The sophomore with Most Slut Potential thinks I'm irresistible."

The table erupted into laughter, Rayanne included. Jordan had to hand it to her, she didn't take herself too seriously, which sort of made her like one of the guys… except she wasn't.

It was common knowledge that Rayanne and Tino fooled around but they were just as adamant that it meant nothing and never compromised their friendship. If there were two people who could pull that off, it was them. Jordan had half-expected some kind of fallout after what happened that night but it never happened. Tino was one of his oldest friends but he was completely unpredictable and notorious for his nasty temper, which meant he was difficult to figure out. He could, however, also be incredibly generous, and he knew absolutely everybody, so it was never a good idea to get on his bad side. He couldn't figure out if the Rayanne thing was an example of this generosity, or if Tino truly didn't care.

"Catalano, my man, I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever. Where you been?" Tino cleared the seat beside him and gestured for Jordan to come sit.

"Around," Jordan said, sliding into the seat at the crowded table.

"Have another drink." Tino shoved the tray towards him.

"There's only one left," Jordan said.

"I'll order more," Tino waved his hand dismissively. Jordan shrugged and took the shot.

"Jordan's in love with my girl," Rayanne chimed in.

"Stay out of this, Graf," Jordan shot back.

"Why the animosity, friends?" Tino asked, raising his hand to signal the waitress.

"Hey whatever, I'm cool," Rayanne held her hands up, as if to show that she didn't bear any hard feelings.

"Me too," Jordan said.

"Can I get another round? And why don't you join us when your shift's done," Tino smiled suggestively at the waitress.

"Aw Tino, I don't get off til one-thirty," she pouted.

"Well have a drink with me when you come back with the shots doll," he said, giving her a squeeze around the waist.

"Alright, anything for you," she winked and sashayed off.

"Well done, Tino," Rayanne clapped her hands.

"Jealous?" Shane grinned wickedly.

"Hardly," she scoffed. "Jealousy is so beneath me."

"Exactly," Tino affirmed. "Useless emotion, really. But if you're in love… maybe you would feel differently." He turned to Jordan. "So what's it like?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me Catalano," Tino's lip curled affectionately. "I want to know, what's it like to be in love?"

"Who said anything about me being in love?" he asked gruffly. Suddenly the atmosphere was starting to feel suffocating.

"Ever the gentleman," Tino proclaimed. "My man Catalano never talks about his affairs of the heart. Very classy."

"He hardly has the vocabulary to describe his trysts," Rayanne said loudly.

"The word of the day is 'blue balls,'" Shane added in helpfully.

"Quit it," Jordan said to them both. He started to get up, but Tino clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, if you guys need a place to um… spend some quality time alone, let me know," he said quietly so only he could hear. "I'm talking higher calibre than that house on Cloverdale. I've heard this girl is worth it."

"I'll think about it," Jordan said so Tino wouldn't continue to push the issue. "I'm gonna have a smoke."

"Don't leave us," Tino chastised him good-naturedly.

"Damnit Catalano," Shane whispered fiercely. He knew Jordan was gone.


	28. Chapter 28

"Jordan? Sweetie, what are you doing out here?"

Stunned out of the lull of sleep, Jordan abruptly opened his eyes, then shut them again at the sudden brightness of the daylight. He had had many first-thing-in-the morning surprises, but still, this was a first. Standing before him was Patti Chase, dressed as if she were going gardening or something, like it was a regularly scheduled activity.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he said finally, rubbing his eyes. Pieces of last night started drifting back to him then – Tino, Shane, Louie's, wandering the streets of Three Rivers in the middle of the night… He must have opted to skip his other options in favour of what, the Chases' front porch?

"Rough night?" she asked, with what he wasn't sure was sympathy, concern or annoyance.

"I'm sorry," he said, his pride kicking in at last. He didn't normally hang out on people's porches like some kind of hobo, particularly not when their neighbours were Brian Krakow. "I didn't come here to get Angela in trouble or anything."

"I should hope not," Patti said. "She's not here anyway." She looked at him curiously.

"Good," Jordan said. "I mean, where is she?"

Patti shot him another look. "She's at Sharon's. Sharon has been having a rough time lately, as I'm sure you know."

He shrugged. "Seems like a pretty tough girl to me."

"Well, the things we don't know…" she let her sentence drift off and focused back on him. "So is there someone I can call to come collect you?"

"My friend Tino maybe," he muttered, pulling himself to his feet. "But I know where I left my car."

Patti sighed. "This may be against my better judgment, but why don't you come in, use the facilities, have a coffee. You look awful."

"Where's um, Danielle?"

"It's still early. Sunday is the one day I let her sleep in. I won't tell Angela about this, if you were going to ask."

"Oh. Thanks," he said.

"So Jordan," she said, as they sat together at the kitchen table with their coffees and a plate of muffins several moments later, "you don't have to answer this, but do you have a mother?"

"Doesn't everyone?" he answered without thinking, focused only on the food.

"You're a smart-aleck this morning," Patti observed wryly. "Anyway, I don't know if Angela told you this, but I was adopted, myself."

"Really?" he asked with cautious interest, not sure where she was going with this.

"Really. I went through this phase when I was around your age, where I tried to find my birth-parents and everything, because I thought it would give me all this closure about who I was and where I had come from, but really, in the end it didn't matter."

"I know who my mother is, I just don't know where she is." He absentmindedly stirred more sugar into his coffee.

"Me too," Patti said. "I have her name and an old grainy picture of her, but I've never met her."

"Sounds like she did you a favour."

Patti nodded. If she was surprised at the bluntness of his words, she didn't show it. "Probably."

"My mother left. Too many times to count. I stopped caring after a while, you know?"

Patti nodded again. "And I guess she's been gone for a while now?"

He nodded. "She always did it the same way. 'I'm going out to buy a pack of smokes.' Then she'd be gone for hours or days, sometimes weeks. Years now." He ran his fingers through his hair, shook his head. "He'd always take her back."

"Did he blame you?"

"Probably." He shrugged. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Why? It's not your fault."

"No, but things like that shouldn't happen, so I'm saying that I'm sorry about that."

"Oh." He pondered that for a moment. "No one's said it to me quite like that before…" He supposed it was kind of nice.

"Well here's to exceeding expectations," Patti raised her coffee mug. Playfully, Jordan knocked his mug against hers.

"I don't think I wanna meet people's expectations anymore," he said, coming to this sudden conclusion. "People just think I'm gonna fail or whatever, so they expect nothing." He knew it had been true for all areas of his life – girls, whatever was left of his family, school, even his future. But Angela expected things from him, even when she didn't say anything, and maybe that was why it was all so confusing.

"What do you want to be like?"

Normally a question like this would set him off, make him defensive, particularly when it came from someone like the guidance counsellor, but this time he realized that he wanted to think about it.

"Definitely not like my parents," he said right away. "But I don't know, just… different." He paused, and she didn't interrupt or try to put words in his mouth, and he liked that. "I just think people need to respect each other. I didn't always know what that meant, but I think I'm figuring it out."

"It starts with self-respect, I think," she said carefully, gauging his reaction.

"I need to work on that a little I think," he said, smiling wryly. "I've got good buddies and everything, but we're guys, you know?"

She smiled a little and nodded. "Thankfully I only had daughters, I don't think I could handle boys." She seemed lost in her thoughts for a moment, then: "I didn't think I would ever say this to you Jordan, but I think you'll be surprised at what you can do if you give yourself a chance."

He nodded, although he wasn't sure what that meant.

"And lay off the drinking a little bit. As a mom, you know I have to say that."

"I know." He smiled, for real this time.

* * *

><p>"God my mom really likes you or something," Angela said.<p>

"Isn't that a good thing?" he stopped strumming his guitar for a moment and affectionately tousled her hair with one hand.

"It's kinda creepy actually."

"Why?" he went back to playing "Harvest Moon".

"I don't know… Maybe not creepy, but weird. Don't you think it's weird?"

"No," he said honestly. "She probably feels bad for me or whatever."

"I don't think it's that," she said, sliding closer to him. She kissed his ear.

"That feels good," he encouraged her. Emboldened by his encouragement, she licked his ear.

"Do you like that?"

"Yeah."

They looked at each other and laughed.

"I want to look at you," he said softly, setting the guitar aside.

"You're looking at me right now," she said.

"No, you know what I mean." He smiled, almost shyly, she thought.

"Like with my clothes off?" As soon as she said the words, she hated how naïve and stupid she sounded. "Fine," she agreed, getting ahold of herself, "but I want to look at you too."

"Done," he announced, reaching for his T-shirt, which he promptly shed.

"This is too easy for you," she complained, but she followed suit. She hesitated for a second before she undid her bra strap, but then she remembered that both Rayanne and Sharon were always saying that guys liked confidence, even if she had to pretend. "Your turn."

"No fair," he managed to say, his eyes never leaving her body. She had to admit that she was liking this control she seemed to have over him, and it gave her a little bit of a boost.

He stripped down to his boxers and she began to feel lightheaded, in a really really good way. She loved his body, the way he was lean but still muscular. She ran a finger down his abs, she couldn't resist.

"No touching," he teased, reaching up to squeeze her breast.

"Are you sure nobody is coming to the loft tonight?" she asked as he undid the top button of her jeans.

He gestured towards the door. "I padlocked it."

"Sneaky! So this was like, premeditated?" She relaxed a little as the buttons popped, one by one.

"Something like that," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"You can be such a bad-ass, Jordan Catalano," she teased.

"You can be pretty bad yourself, Angela Chase," he replied. He leaned over and kissed her stomach and something inside of her tightened and she almost lost her breath.

"You need to stop that," she gasped.

"You don't like it?" he grabbed the waistband of her jeans in the back and pulled them down.

She giggled as she stepped out of her jeans, she couldn't help it. "I didn't say that."

He didn't say anything, he just kept kissing her stomach and tracing little circles around her bellybutton with his tongue. It made her knees weak.

Before she realized it he had picked her up and carried her over to one of the old couches. He lay on top of her and she couldn't help but love the way his weight felt on her, his chest against hers.

"Is this okay?" he asked. She nodded her assent and he kissed her, gently at first, then with more heat. She started to feel flushed and her heart was pounding uncontrollably, she swore he could hear it. When he pulled away to kiss her nipples, she thought that she might explode. Before she realized it, his hand had slipped under her panties and she pulled back for a moment, surprised by the unfamiliar sensation.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered in her ear, sensing her hesitation mixed with her obvious eagerness. She shook her head. She closed her eyes as he slipped a finger inside of her, her desire palpable. He was gentle yet deft, touching her in such a way that she found herself arching her hips so she could feel more, so he could feel more of her. Suddenly the beating of her heart seemed to be all she could hear, or see, or feel, and these senses seemed to intensify in progressive waves. In an instant, she saw what seemed to be confetti all over her closed eyelids and something inside of her that she didn't realize was wound tightly seemed to unfurl and release.

She opened her eyes slowly, as she felt the waves slowly recede.

"Damn," she said, propping herself up on her elbows. She had the sudden urge to laugh.

"It was good, huh?" he grinned, and she could tell he felt proud of himself. She pulled him towards her and kissed him.

"That was – something else," she said, not sure how else to describe it. She felt as if she were on top of the world or on some kind of powerful high. "You have to show me how to make you feel good like that."

"I think that can be arranged," he said, his hand on the side of her face. Their lips met again, and she felt him grab both her hands, easing her onto her back again, his body covering hers. She started to walk her hand under the waistband of his boxers.

"Hey, what gives? Open up! We know you're in there!"

"Shit," Jordan muttered, pulling away as Angela automatically covered her breasts with her hands.

"I thought you weren't expecting anyone?" she whispered frantically, looking around for her clothes.

"Sometimes they show up anyway," he said. "Gimme a minute," he called out. He got up and found his pants, tossing her her bra and T-shirt from the floor as she simultaneously located her pants.

"There's a restroom back there, you can finish getting dressed in there. Sorry it's kinda gross," he whispered, a hint of a smile grazing his lips. He walked over to the door and took his time unlocking the padlock.

"Were you beating your meat or something, Catalano?" Joey, another band member, was asking as he caught sight of him, appraising the scene around him. Before Jordan could reply, Angela slipped back into the loft from the washroom, fully clothed, her hair smoothed back into place as well as she could.

"Oh never mind," Joey said.

"Hi Angela," Shane called, waving his hand.

"Hi," Angela said, smiling shyly. _Busted._

"So… we were gonna have an impromptu jam session," Joey began. "Hope we weren't interrupting or anything… Catalano, wanna jam with us?"

"Yeah, for sure. I just have to take her home in a bit." He looked over at her and their eyes met. She nodded. He gave her a half-smile and a shrug as if to say "Oh well."


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks everyone for your ongoing support! Life has been very busy but I still want to continue this story, so I'm glad you are still reading! **

"So like two weekends from now… can you get away for the night?" Jordan asked, his face close to hers, the beginning of a sly smile playing over his lips.

"Are you like, making plans with me in advance?" Angela asked teasingly. "I thought that wasn't your style."

"It's not," Jordan said. "But there's this thing…"

"And you want me to go with you?"

"Well not exactly," he began.

"Well what then?" she asked, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice.

"I want to take you."

"Really?" she exclaimed in excitement. "Where are we going?"

"I'm not telling," he smiled at her excitement.

"Aw, come on! This is going to drive me insane!"

"But I need you to be able to get away for the night. Do you think you can?" The look on her face made him stop and give her a playful shove with his elbow. "Come on, it's not for that."

"For what?" she asked, her cheeks already beginning to flush.

"You know. But we can if you want…" he whispered in her ear, which made her insides turn to mush.

"I'll think of something to tell Patti," she whispered back.

"Good. It'll be a blast." She sensed something close to excitement in his voice and it made her smile again.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god!" Rayanne squealed. "I bet he's taking you to Smashing Pumpkins in the city! Tino told me he got tickets, but he didn't offer me one, the bastard. Oh I'm so jealous! I'd tag along just so I could try and sneak backstage…"<p>

"You're not tagging along on Angela and Jordan's thing," Rickie said flatly. "What if they're not going to Philly after all?"

"Well Jordan said we'd probably be out all night, which probably means we're going to the city, right?" Angela said in an attempt to prevent a fight between the two of them.

"I'm not talking about Philly," Rayanne said loftily. "I'm talking about New York, the real city."

"Really?" Angela couldn't help but lean back against the wall, a smile breaking across her face.

"Wow, this is major," Rickie said.

Despite being only about two hours away, Angela had only been to New York a handful of times, the last time at least three years ago. She had never experienced the big city through the eyes of a teenager and the idea gave her a huge thrill.

"Angelika, imagine having your first time be in New York," Rayanne said dreamily. "How amazing would that be?"

"He kind of made a joke about it," Angela said. "I think he thought that I was worried he'd be expecting us to do it that night."

"Did you say something?" Rickie asked.

"No… I never know what to say. It's driving me crazy. Maybe I should just do it and get it over with."

"Yeah, it's driving me crazy," Rayanne said drily.

"Manhattan is so where I'm going as soon as we graduate," Rickie said. "There have got to be way more people there like me."

"We should all go together!" Rayanne exclaimed. "Could you imagine, the three of us taking on Manhattan?"

"Maybe…" Angela mused. She'd never seen the future in such a tangible way before. In fact, it was the first time she'd dared to imagine life away from her family and all of the familiarities of home, and it actually seemed plausible. "It does make the future seem more exciting."

"What's there not to be excited about? The future's looking bright, baby!" Rayanne chirped excitedly.

For once Angela had to agree.

* * *

><p>"So what are you going to do?" Sharon asked curiously.<p>

They were sitting in the yearbook editor's office after school, Sharon determined not to let her recent bad luck with her health slow her down. Angela admired her friend's drive, and she had to admit that she felt like a slacker in comparison.

"Well I don't know if we're going to New York for sure," Angela replied, watching Sharon go through a stack of proofs. "What are those pictures of?"

"Oh just sporting events and stuff," Sharon said. "I destroyed those ones, in case you were wondering."

"Oh," Angela said, a bit startled by the unexpected reminder of Jordan and Rayanne.

"Well either way, he wants to take you somewhere and chances are you'll be together all night. So what are you going to do?"

"Do I have to think about this? Why does it have to be so like, premeditated?"

"Because we live with our parents and we don't get a ton of opportunities to be alone," Sharon said. "Although that didn't seem to stop me."

"Have you been talking to Kyle?"

"A little," she admitted. "But I'm over him, I think. We don't really have that much in common, and he was a total jerk over this whole thing."

"Could this have anything to do with Shane?" Angela asked teasingly.

"God no," Sharon laughed. "We're just friends. I don't see him that way."

"Sure," Angela replied, unconvinced. "Actually I kind of wish you were into him, so I would have some idea of where Jordan is taking me."

"He wants it to be a surprise, Ange. I think it's cute."

"I don't think I like surprises," Angela moaned.

"Just try to relax and go with the flow. It's sexier that way," Sharon said. "Now quit obsessing about this and just tell Patti that you're spending the night at our place."

"Like that would ever work. She talks to your mom every single day."

"What about Rayanne's?"

"I'm kind of banned from spending the night there, after what happened with Rayanne OD'ing and all that. We haven't really revisited the issue."

"Well you'd better revisit it, unless you want to tell Patti the truth. I mean, I know she likes Jordan, but I doubt she likes him that much." She picked up a pair of scissors and began cutting something out. "Hold on, I feel an idea forming." She put the scissors down. "Are your parents speaking to each other?"

"Sort of," Angela said. "I know she talked to him the other day, but they don't have like lengthy conversations or anything. Are you suggesting that I use this to my advantage?"

"Yeah," Sharon said sheepishly. "It might be your only chance. Have dinner with your dad and uncle that night, then say you're going to Rayanne's. He's not going to say no to that. And your mom won't object to you spending time with your dad."

"I guess that could work," Angela said thoughtfully. "Except it involves me talking to my dad, which I'm kind of not doing right now."

"I know it's hard," Sharon said with a sigh. "But you know he cares about you. And you don't know for sure if anything is going on between him and that Callie woman."

"Well why else would he walk out on us then?" she said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"Yeah it looks bad, but people have like a million reasons for why they need to spend some time apart. Like maybe she just made him see something that was missing in his relationship with your mom. I don't know. I'm sorry, Angela, this must be so hard for you."

"And this thing with Jordan was the only thing that made me forget about it for a little while." Angela began absently cutting a piece of paper into strips. "You know, Rayanne and Rickie and I were talking about what we want to do when we finally graduate. Have you thought about it?"

"Of course," Sharon said. "Like all the time."

"Do you think you'd move away?"

"I always thought for sure yes. I mean, there are so many great schools. But when my dad got sick, it made me question everything, like what if he gets sick again? Or what if he dies? I would hate to be across the country or something." She began cutting again, then placed her cut-out piece onto a template she was working on. "Although New York isn't that far away, and it seems like a great option."

"That's what we were saying," Angela said. "Is it weird that this is like the first time I've ever thought about being away from home before, like in a real way?"

"No," Sharon said with a giggle. "But it's time you thought about it. You're going to college, right? Befriending Rayanne Graf hasn't changed that life decision, has it?"

"College sounds like fun, actually," Angela admitted. "Living away, being with other people who like to overthink too? Sounds like a dream. I'm not aiming for Ivy League or anything, but maybe I can get into a decent state school."

"We'll plan that part later," Sharon said with a wink. "First we need to get you through this weekend with Jordan Catalano."

"We were at the loft the other night and um, things went further than before," Angela lowered her voice to a whisper and ducked behind a curtain of hair. She didn't know why talking about these things still embarrassed her when Sharon and Rayanne were so brazen about it. Maybe she would never be totally comfortable with it.

"You guys had sex?" Sharon squealed, dropping the scissors with a thunk.

"No, but he um…"

"He went down on you?" she whispered excitedly.

Angela nodded mutely.

"Did you like it?"

"Well, yeah… except now I have to, you know…" Angela could feel her cheeks turning redder and redder.

"Return the favour?" Sharon couldn't help but smile at her friend's obvious discomfort. "Sure, if you want to. But he's a jerk if he expects it."

"He didn't say anything about it, but I kind of did…"

"You're too funny," Sharon mused fondly. "And you're so flustered, it's cute."

"I don't know why," Angela said miserably. "I swear I'm not this awkward in the moment. At least I hope not."

"So how did it happen?"

"I don't know, we were sort of hanging out in the loft and we started taking off our clothes and I didn't want to stop. It was fun, and nice not to overthink things for once."

"Well that's how it should be. Don't overthink. If you feel like returning the favour or whatever, then do it. Or don't." She picked up the scissors again. "Is he any good? I imagine he would be good." She smiled mischievously.

"Well yeah, not that I really have any comparison… But yeah, definitely. He makes my stomach feel like it's made of jelly."

"That's good. It should be like that, I think." She arranged a few more shapes onto the page, frowned slightly then reorganized a couple of the pieces. "I'm impressed he's being like, really respectful of you and your feelings."

"I know!" Angela exclaimed, pleased. "I just wish it was easier to find time to be alone. The second we were finished, his friends were walking in. They almost caught me running around looking for my clothes!"

"Are his friends nice to you?" Sharon asked.

"Oh yeah. They've warmed up. I mean, we don't really hang out together that much, but they always say hi and everything."

"He really likes you," she said, and she said it in a contemplative, serious way, not the gushing way that she spoke to some of her cheerleader friends.

"I hope so," Angela said. "'Cause it's like, it for me, for now. I could never think about having sex with him if I didn't think it was like, right for me now. I'm not talking about forever, but I mean now. I've thought about it so much and wondered about whether he really liked me or if he just wanted to see if he could get me, and I'm really starting to think it's more than that. It's not one-sided anymore, at least it doesn't feel like it."

"Well go with it then. This is going to sound cheesy, Chase Face, but you're like always true to yourself, whatever that happens to be in the moment."

"I try," Angela said awkwardly.

Sharon worked in silence for a few moments and Angela looked through more photos, observing the happy faces of her classmates and wondering what they would be doing five, ten, twenty years from now.

"Look at these photos of Rickie dancing," Angela said, smiling as she showed them to Sharon. "He's so much fun and I was such a downer that night."

"Delia Fischer totally developed this huge crush on him that night. I mean, she knows he's gay – he's gay, right? – but she felt like he was a bit of a kindred spirit, or something."

"Rickie's awesome," Angela said simply. "There is no one else like him, anywhere. But that's a good thing. He's always hoping to find more people like him though… I hope it happens for him, someday."

"Maybe the world will change," Sharon mused. "Maybe someday everyone can be with whoever they love. Do you think that's weird?"

"Not at all," Angela said, smiling. "I think it would be… aspirational."

"That's because you're in love," Sharon said, and she gushed a little bit then.

"That's not why," Angela insisted. "I just can't imagine being told that I can't love someone, because of the colour of their skin, or where they live, or whatever, so gender just seems like this other absurd thing."

"What's absurd?" a male voice called out from the hallway.

Startled, Angela and Sharon turned to look up at the door, which had been ajar, and was now wide open. Shane was standing in the doorway grinning, while Jordan stood beside him, looking sheepish.

"How much of our conversation did you overhear?" Sharon asked sharply. "Were you snooping on us?"

"Relax, Cherski, you're too uptight," Shane said easily, making his way into the room, Jordan beside him.

"Hi," Jordan said, making his way over to where Angela sat on the counter.

"Why hello," she said, unable to stop herself from smiling. He pushed her knees apart and pressed into the counter between her legs. She gave him a little squeeze and put her arms around his neck.

"Look at those two, can't keep their hands off each other. Aren't they cute?" Shane exclaimed.

"Shut up," Jordan said good-naturedly.

"What are you girls doing here at school so late?"

"Working on a deadline," Sharon said curtly.

"What's all this?" Shane spied the various photos laid out on the pages Sharon had started to set out. "Haha, nice head," he chuckled to himself, pointing at a photo of two football players in their uniforms.

"Shane," Sharon said, her tone taking on a sharp edge. "Did you come here to disturb us?"

"Actually, I'll have you know that my boy Catalano was very courteously inquiring about your well-being. He knew you were both here and figured you might have worked up an appetite."

Sharon eyed him suspiciously. "That's very nice of Jordan," she said finally. "But why are you here?"

Angela and Jordan couldn't help but laugh.

Shane took it all in stride. "I didn't want you to feel like the third wheel, obviously."


End file.
